They Saved Themselves…

I’m going to preface this post (rather this series of posts), with a bit of a disclaimer. I never thought that I would be here talking about this level of Jew Hatred. This is something that I’ve shared about on social media and maybe briefly mentioned on the blog, outside of talking about Holocaust sites that we’ve visited, but never something I’ve outrightly discussed. There are several reasons for this that we will get into in another post, but I feel like I’ve reached a point that I can no longer NOT talk about it. I’ve been feeling this pressure within to talk about it more for the past year or two, but it’s really starting to reach a crescendo. 

I want to start this off by saying that almost every single Jew has experienced some form of “othering”, of hatred, SOMETHING. Every. Single. Jew. It’s actually not hard to believe when you realize that Jews make up 0.19% of the world population. I’m not going to spit facts at you this entire post, but that’s an important one to know. Ask any Jew that you know, and they’ll talk to you about some incident. In fact, a recent number has come to light that in 2021 an average of 10 antisemitic incidents were REPORTED a day. 10 A DAY. And that’s just a) what’s reported (often they go unreported) and b) what can actually be reported. In just the weeks following the hostage situation at the Synagogue in Colleyville- which we will be getting into in this post- I’ve seen numerous incidences both in a micro aggression commentary sense, but also in physical attacks. In NYC a woman yelled holocaust and Hitler slurs at two young Jewish children and spat on them. An op-ed in the Wall Street Journal talked about how the only Jews that had to fear antisemitism are those that are “outwardly Jewish” or “frequent Jewish institutions”. This is beyond false and actually very dangerous rhetoric. Two instances right there in two weeks; examples of both physical (though mild as most are truly physical assault rather than just spitting on someone which is still bad and disgusting) and micro verbal nonsense spewed in a “reputable” news source. 

For me? The first time I experienced it was when my family moved from TX to CO, and I started a new school. I was the “weird girl who talked funny and didn’t celebrate Christmas”. Oh, and I also was the girl “who had that weird birthday celebration at the school” aka a Bat Mitzvah. This othering is not unusual by any means (and nowhere near close to some of the other things I’ve experienced), but at 11/12 in a new community and a new school it had an impact. Later in life I’ve experienced some micro aggressions and truly horrifying things said to me that I will not repeat (because they are truly horrifying). I’ve always kind of written them off as people coming from a place of ignorance or not understanding. But honestly that’s a lie and it’s a dangerous mindset to have. I see so many comments, words of ignorance, and statements becoming commonplace that are actually scary to hear as a Jewish person. 

The reality is that people are quick to write off the Jewish community. In terms of social justice, they are considered “white”, but in terms of white supremacy they are the antithesis of “white” (and in reality- Jews are NOT “white”, but at most white passing). The history of the Jews is long and storied and since it involves SO MUCH it must have been exaggerated or falsified- even though there is documented proof. There are always “bigger issues” to contend with OR “not enough information” to comment on what is happening. And, as a Jewish person, it is hard to watch my very people, my community, my home be wiped to the side as quick as dirt being swept on the floor. 

Sometimes it’s easy to see, like in the most recent incident that made international news- a gunmen entered a synagogue, took 4 hostages for 12 hours before finally being killed by the FBI without any other casualties. 

First off, this is an annual occurrence. There is some form of massive violence against the Jewish community every year. We see it in Synagogue shootings, hostage situations, stabbings in Kosher supermarkets. And these are the “major” events, the news making stories, this is not counting “minor” physical assaults and verbal attacks that Jews face EVERY SINGLE DAY. But we’ll focus on these major ones for the sake of conversation (just remember- Jew Hatred is not limited to these annual major occurrences, but rather happens every day). 

Now, let’s get into the specifics of this most recent hostage situation because I feel like they paint a pretty accurate picture of the state of Jewish Hatred. 

First, I personally saw the news break from an Israeli News Organization. I then saw the Jewish community rally and share details before lastly seeing our standard news outlets sharing information. I don’t have cable so I can’t say what the coverage was in that sense, but I will say I first heard and saw the hostage situation NOT from our American Mainstream Media. 

Second, the ONLY people I saw sharing it, talking about it, updating others was the Jewish community. This is going to sound a bit like a call out, and maybe it is in a way, but I didn’t see ONE person who was NOT a member of the Jewish community share. It was like crickets outside the Jewish community. The sad fact, is that a lot of the folks that were talking about it, sharing it (again- within the Jewish community) were sharing it and the fact that they KNEW that they would get no support from outside the community. That’s SAD. When there were finally comments being made from outside the community, they were…stilted to say the least. I saw everything from a “praying for the hostages” to “please don’t let this lead to a rise in Islamophobia” to the White House not even stating (in their initial comment- I know Biden later released a full statement condemning Antisemitism and what not) what was going on- just that the president had been “briefed about the developing hostage situation in the Dallas area”. Let me make something absolutely clear here- this is one of the things that HURTS the Jewish community when it comes to Jewish Hatred. Not immediately saying exactly what it is is a detriment, ESPECIALLY when it is BLATANTLY clear. 

When the hostages escaped (and we’ll get to that next), the FBI’s initial statement from the Dallas Special Agent in Charge was that this was “not specifically related to the Jewish Community”. Yes, read that again. We’ve learned a lot in the days following this hostage situation and there were some rumors, but we’ll put that aside for the purposes of this (and we’ll get to them- I promise). If we look at what we knew when this statement was made what we KNEW was that this man had taken these hostages in a Synagogue with the intent on getting someone (who also hated Jews and wanted the jurors at her federal trial genetically tested to determine if they were or were not Jews) freed from Federal Prison. He had the Rabbi call another Rabbi in another state to continue pushing his case for freeing this person. And the FBI made a public statement that this was “not related to the Jewish community”. Let that sink in. This is a government organization. A federal government organization saying something directly opposite of what we all saw. And, while most of us can see the flaw in that statement, there are people who, because this is the FBI, will believe it. 

Now the FBI has come out and corrected that initial statement and most people are talking about how outrageous and false that statement is, it’s still a damning heartbreaking statement to make literally on the heels of the entire Jewish community praying, daring to hope, and sitting on edge for the entirety of a Sabbath day. 

In the days following the Hostage situation we started to get a clearer picture of the events, which makes the entire situation clearer, more heartbreaking, and more damning. 

First, we hear confirmation that the hostage taker had the Rabbi call a Rabbi in New York to push his agenda forward. Not every rabbi knows every rabbi, and they are most definitely not connected in this sense to the justice system. The entire concept of “Jews control the Justice System” connects to an antisemitic trope of “Jews control the world”, which is…quite obviously false. False as it is, this is a narrative that is pushed forward quite regularly.

Second, we hear that 3 out of the 4 hostages escaped through their own self-defense tactics, knowledge, and training, rather than being “freed” or “rescued”. This is one of the most important factors to look at, after we look at the fact that this is obviously an attack on the Jewish Community, and we need to recognize what led to that. When the 3 hostages noticed that the attacker was getting more agitated, they used the training that they had received not long before this attack to escape. The Rabbi threw a chair at the attacker and the Vice President of the congregation had lined both himself and the other hostage up with the exit. These were tactics they had learned through a self-defense that they took in response to a rise in Jew Hatred and Jewish attacks. They saved themselves. 

They saved themselves. 

This is what Jews have been doing for thousands of years. 

Now, I’m not going to comment on what/how the FBI operates. I am sure they have trained tactics and five million different options, and they just try different things to do what they need to do. I’m not going to comment because I am just not aware and have not done any training for those situations. 

What I will comment on is the lack of awareness/sharing/” justice”, as well as what the commentary WAS when it happened. 

I saw a lot of the Jewish Community, once the hostage situation had ended with the hostages escaping, saying that they didn’t even think to look outside the Jewish community for anything. Where previously we would look to those outside our community to share information, bring situations to light, stand in solidarity, speak up…in this situation none of that happened. It wasn’t even expected. A lot of the community didn’t even hope for it. In fact, a lot of posts that I saw were “we know we have to do this ourselves”. What a dark place to be in. When you are trying so hard to say, “look here we are, we’re under attack, please just say something, anything” and to be rebuked, to be met with crickets. It’s heartbreaking. We don’t exist outside our own community. 

Think about this, your community is under attack, your family is under attack, you’re shouting to the world that this is happening, and you’re met with silence. Or, maybe more frustratingly, you’re met with “well let’s not turn this into this” or “well how did this one part of the issue happen”. Because that’s what happened. Outside our community it was a cry of “don’t let this lead to hatred in the other direction”, or “how did he get in the country?”, and “obviously something in gun control is flawed here”. All of these are things that need to be looked at, obviously. All of these are valid points. All of these are important questions. But there weren’t a lot of questions or headlines about the obvious…he attacked Jews. He thought that these Jews, this small community of people, had the power to accomplish his goal. So much so that he not only attacked them but had them call another separate Jewish community to push the agenda further. And yet, somehow, this is not really being talked about beyond our community. In fact, I’m not really seeing any real headlines at all at this point (we’re a few days out when I’m writing this). 

As I said the day after the attack, I don’t want false platitudes, I don’t want just a share and move on (though even that would be nice in some ways- show you care, ya know?), the Jews know how to fight and take care of themselves and their community…obviously. We’ve had to learn. We’ve had to learn the hard way. Because it was SILENT. It was silent during the attack, it was silent after, and it seems like it will continue to be silent. 

And that’s heartbreaking and enraging. It’s not ok. I am not ok.  

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A Cuppa Cosy Reads – Best & Worst 2021

It is FINALLY time (almost too late, but we’ll roll with it) to talk about what I thought were my best and worst reads of 2021. 2021 was a really good reading year for me, a solid pack of books to choose from. I read a total of 97 books with an average rating of 3.7, which I think is pretty good. I had initially set a reading goal of 50 books, knowing that I would read closer to 100, and while I was a little bummed, I didn’t hit that 100, the second half of the year presented a slight change to my mindset and reading goals. 

For 2022 I’m not setting a reading goal, because I just want to read what I want to read, when I want to read it. I’ll track what I read and note it, but I don’t want to do much more than that. Even if it’s supposed to be a fun thing (or a tracking thing), I find that without realizing it, there is a pressure on your reading. So, we’re just taking all that pressure away. I still plan on doing monthly reading recaps because I think that’s just the best/easiest way to share my reads with you, but there may not be too many stats in those anymore. Ok, brief interlude re: 2022 aside, let’s look back at 2021. 

So, how do I determine what is “best” and what is “worst”. It’s simple, just what I think were some of my reading highlights of the year and some of my reading lows. I find that if we get too much into the semantics of it all at the outset it gets too complicated. I’ll give a brief explanation of what worked or didn’t work for me with each book that I mention, but you won’t find me splitting out disappointing OR overhyped from bad OR enjoyed for pleasure vs well written. Basically, I’m scrolling through all the books I read in 2021 and noting what stands out. Trying to simplify things across the board moving forward for everyone’s sake 

Best Books of 2021

The Golem and The Jinni by Helene Wecker – I LOVED this book. I really truly do, and I feel like this is one of those books that I would recommend to those who love Carlos Ruiz Zafon, Erin Morgenstern, any author who loves flowery language, describing little moments and day to day, and using words in a manner befitting a writer. This also just placed Jewish life at the forefront, in a day to day setting that I hadn’t read before. 

The Troop by Nick Cutter – This book solidified that the way to well and truly freak me out is through body horror…and I loved that feeling.

Skyward by Brandon Sanderson – I’ve been putting this off for a while, thinking of how much I’ve loved his stuff, but this was different than that and I didn’t want to mess with the good thing I had going with Sanderson. Boy did I not need to have that fear. This is Sci-fi, but it holds the excellent storytelling and world building that Sanderson does so you don’t feel like you’re out in the middle of space with no clues.

Know My Name by Chanel Miller – I mean, I think this has topped everyone’s list who has ever read it. I would highly recommend reading it, would almost say it should be required reading, but please note the themes and content as it could be triggering for some. Truly incredible, angering, and heartbreaking, but also a show of strength, of courage, of standing strong in the face of those who would brush you aside. 

The Royals Next Door by Karina Halle – This was just a fun one that solidified exactly what I like in “romance” stories. Looking forward to seeing not only what this author publishes next, but also what else this “royal/royal adjacent” genre can offer. 

Worst Books of 2021

Luxe by Anna Godberson- To be quite honest, I debated on whether to actually include this in my list because I am quite clearly not the intended audience, BUT even if I was…it’s still not great. Like there are so many other “societal melodramas” that could be read instead of this that would accomplish the same thing and do it better. This was just not it. 

The Lost Apothecary by Sarah Penner – This was a disappointment more so than a bad book. I just had really high hopes for this to sweep me off my feet, into a different time and place, but instead it felt clunky and flat the entire way through. Definitely a debut, definitely lacking some editor insight in terms of 3 dimensional characters and storytelling. 

Answered Prayers by Truman Capote – I mean, this was just garbage that I wish I hadn’t wasted my time on. That’s all I need to say. 

HM- As Good as Dead by Holly Jackson – I’m including this as an honorable mention as I didn’t actually finish this (with good reason), but it was just incredibly off putting and disappointing. I felt like our main character was acting so beyond out of character that it wasn’t even off character for her (where an author can have a character be out of character due to circumstances). It just…wasn’t even worth the 100 pages I attempted to read.

And that’s it for 2021! I could have probably talked about so many other books, but I really just wanted to showcase some of the ones that stood out to me upon review. Tell me, what were some of your favorite reads of 2021? Any least favorites?

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New Year, New Nothing – 2022

Listen, it’s 2022. I think that this year is not THE year (which is OK). But, even if it’s not THE year, that doesn’t mean that we can’t keep our heads up, our shoulders light (maybe), and carry forward doing our best (whatever that means for YOU). 

For me, what does 2022 look like? Well, I don’t really know to be honest. Right now, the world feels like it’s in a fragile place and I don’t just mean in terms of the Pandemic. There’s a lot of scary things happening from {what feels like} all around and I feel like we are going to have to weather quite a bit over this year and the next. I know what I hope for, and I know what I’m going to be doing, but beyond that is really out of my control. 

With that being said, I’m not really making any resolutions or intentions this year. This is partly because of how I want to approach the year, but also because I feel like this year is going to throw us for loop after loop after loop to be honest. And my almost type a personality needs to be able to plan to be flexible (the laughs to be had there). I have things that I would LIKE to accomplish this year- a book, growing both the blog and the podcast, a new podcast, some big traveling, seeing some family that I haven’t in far too long, volunteering more, seeing both kids starting school, etc.- but I also want to recognize that if this year goes any way like the couple past, I need to also have some grace in those goals. I will still be able to accomplish them, but maybe not in the timeline or way that I had planned. 

I do have a word of the year, and some basic changes that I’d like to initiate just for my overall mindset, but nothing super major. This is also stuff that I’ve touched on before at Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year), so you can read that post HERE to see…or just continue below haha. 

Ok, so we’ll start with the hard part, the word of the year. Back when I was working on Rosh Hashanah, I struggled to find a word that fit with what I wanted the new year to look like. The world right now is a bit of a scary place in so many ways and we’re in a dark spot, again, in so many ways. I’ve always felt like I wanted to be that light, that cheery spot in someone’s day, that person that can be the safe spot. Those are the moments/things that I cling to when I’m having an off/bad day, those are the moments/things I want to provide others with, and what I think makes all the difference. BUT I’ve never really found an English word that described that. So, I turned to Yiddish and/or Hebrew (this was in part because I couldn’t find an English word and in part because I really wanted to lean into this side of things a bit more). Enter: MECHAYEH or “that which gives life”, the idea of a thing or feeling that just makes your day (the example given was a cool glass of lemonade on a hot day).

That seems lofty, or like I’m putting myself on a pedestal, BUT I’m trying to think of it as more of an overall thought process, not like I am that exact word. 

Now, I already mentioned that I didn’t want to set full resolutions or intentions. I’ve mentioned some of the things that I would like to accomplish this year, but I’ve found that this year might be better to also focus on the little things in the day to day that can help me accomplish those bigger things. So, one of those things (something I’ve already been working on” is getting out of bed when my alarm goes off. We all do it, we all wait till the last minute, hit the snooze button as many times as we can, or just lay around on our phone until something else calls to our attention. When I don’t do this, I have a mile’s better day, feel clear headed, and don’t spend nearly as much time on my phone. So, that is my little promise to myself to do every morning. Get out of bed with my first alarm and get on with my day, instead of procrastinating until the last minute. 

And that’s really it. That’s my one full resolution for 2022. I’m hoping that doing that will help me accomplish those other bigger goals. This may seem like a “cop out” in so many ways, but if the past two years have taught me anything at all, it’s that the littlest of things make the biggest difference. 

What else do I want to note about 2022? Nothing really. I know we are all a bit wary going into this new year, and with just cause. It feels like such a dark and draining time for so many, but it’s also full of so much light and joy. We just need to find our balance between advocating change for the dark/painful parts and recognizing the joy of our life and world. 

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2021 Wrap Up

Well…2021…the year that was. I don’t know if it’s my frame of my mind while I’m writing this or if it’s just the general…meh ness of this past year, but I’m just not feeling a wrap up. We had a lot of good, some not so good, and a whole bunch lumped in together to end the year out (which if I’m honest, is probably what’s making this wrap up feel meh). However, this end of year reflection is kind of becoming a tradition and it’s one that I want to keep going. I feel like reflecting on a time allows us to learn lessons and continue to grow as long as it’s done from a place of honesty (as in- recognize if you are viewing it through rose colored glasses – which is fine but should be noted- and don’t change the bad stuff around to suit your current status or feelings). 

So, 2021…

Our year started with a big move, from Germany to the US. We said a very sad, very fond, very long (seriously- our flight was delayed for two days) farewell to our German adventure. It was a kicking and screaming moment as we really loved our home, our neighborhood, and the friends we made there. There was a bit of culture shock once we got back to the States, namely a) you can get anything, anytime, b) the cost of…well everything, and c) the general “busy, busy, busy” lifestyle read about it: LEAVING GERMANY, ADJUSTING TO AMERICA, DIFFERENCES). 

We ended the first quarter of 2021 making a new home, a new community in upstate New York. We’ve settled in really nicely into our new house, creating a imperfectly perfect space with what we’ve got and I’m really in love with how it all has come together. I’ve still got some décor bits and bobs I’m working to find, but I’m trying to be slow and mindful with those purchases. We’ve settled into a new community, jumping into a new school, some new volunteer opportunities, and new friends all around. It’s been a real blessing how everything here has seemingly clicked into place. 

We spent spring exploring some of our area (ALEXANDRIA BAY, LAKE ONTARIO/WELLESLY ISLAND), and summer exploring a part of the East Coast we hadn’t gotten to see (PLYMOUTH, BOSTON, BOSTON PT 2, SALEM, PORTLAND). Then Summer started to turn to Autumn, and we went a final couple of places on our list (ALBANY, FINGER LAKES, LAKE PLACID). I feel grateful for the amount of traveling that we have been able to do this year and for the truly incredible places we’ve seen. We fell in love with a couple new places, solidified what’s important to us when traveling, and maybe how we want to do a couple trips differently in the future. 

The boys have settled in remarkably well, reminding me just how resilient our children truly are. They’ve fallen right into the swing of things with Colton properly starting Kindergarten this year and Andrew…well, being Andrew. We’ve had a couple of struggles that come with the changing years as they grow, and we’ve had a couple of trips to the hospital (remember when I said everything bad seemed to come at the end of the year all at once?), but throughout it all, the boys weathered with a smile on their face and excitement in their eyes. Well, the excitement might have been a troublemaker’s gleam, but we’ll go with excitement. 

As a family, I think we are in the strongest shape we’ve ever been in. We just continue to grow individually and as a unit and I’m just so happy and at peace with life. That feels so good to say. Robert and I celebrated 10 years together and hit 7 years married. Safe to say, we’ve come so far and have so far to go. 

Finally, have I changed? Grown? Experienced something new this past year? Yes and no. I feel like I’ve really started to learn how to use my voice, what I want to use my voice for, solidified some boundaries, and learned how to “manage” certain things. I don’t think that we’re meant to learn something every year or grow massively or experience great things. Some years we are just meant to carry on and I feel like that has really been my sole focus of 2021. Carry on, move forward, and see the light. That I feel like I accomplished. 

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A Cuppa Cosy Reads – December 2021

How is it the last month of the year??? I don’t get how this year has literally flown by. In this final reading wrap up we’re just covering my December reads. I will have a post in January talking about my best/worst reads of 2021 and we’ll talk about my reading year as a whole. In December I read a total of 7 books with an average rating of 3.4. So, I don’t have too much to say beyond that, so we’ll just dive straight into the books. 

The Chosen by Chaim Potok NR This classic was an incredible read both enlightening and heart breaking. A true story of fathers and sons, of differing religious viewpoints, and of being able to open your eyes in the face of those differences. I think the real importance of this story is in the understanding and willingness to look beyond our initial thoughts and judgements, to see and understand those who are different than us (and maybe in the end not so different). 

A Desolation Called Peace by Arkady Martine 3 Stars I’m going to be completely honest, I don’t really remember much of this book at all. Similar to the first book in this duology, it’s dense, but again we deal with trying to understand those who are different from us. There’s first contact with aliens, which I was meh about, and the ending left things concluded, but also open for more books in the future. I honestly just think part of this was a “too much time has passed” and my excitement about the first and the world had faded.

Tokyo Ever After by Emiko Jean 3 Stars I thoroughly enjoyed this book. This story where one girl’s feeling of not fitting quite in…anywhere leads to a remarkable discovery about herself and how to change her own world. It’s very much a coming-of-age story, with royal stakes, and one that was just nice and fun to read. 

The Midnight Bargain by C.L. Polk 3 Stars I gave this a 3 star, but I will say it probably ranks lowest on my list of books from this month. I just…didn’t care about it. At all. It, too, is a coming-of-age story, but I found it to by typical of not like other girls’ girl asserting her independence and defying societal expectations. It’s something I love, but in this case, it felt like a robotic regurgitation of some previous thing that I’d read. I fully recognize that this was a “me” thing, which is why I gave it 3 stars (as I didn’t hate it, just didn’t get on well with it). Just very bland for me. 

Cytonic by Brandon Sanderson 4.5 Stars A tricky read for me as I LOVE this, now, series, but I think this would probably not be my favorite of the set. We see Spensa go through a lot of character growth, which I loved, we see her struggle with what she wants vs what is best vs what she needs, all with outside sources messing with her very person, BUT I missed the camaraderie of some of the other characters we’ve grown to love. With that being said, the last 20 pages had me visibly crying and very much heart broken. And now I have to wait for who knows how long for the next one…grrrr.

The Christmas Bookshop by Jenny Colgan 3 Stars Another conflicting read for me (seems to be a trend for the month). I LOVED the setting, the concept of saving this bookshop and the stakes that come with that. I even liked the mystery aspect of the shop owner and his history. BUT, but, but, but, I did not care for our main character at all. I didn’t care for the weird jumping around to different character viewpoints and I didn’t care for how the story…presented itself. It felt jumbled and almost like Jenny Colgan wanted to have a bit of mystery, but didn’t quite know how to insert it? Not sure, but while the setting was cute, the execution wasn’t incredible. I’ve loved her previous two books so I’m not sure what this one had that didn’t really work for me. 

In My Dreams I Hold a Knife by Ashley Winstead 4 Stars Man did I really love this. I found it to be captivating, twisting and turning every other page, with the perfect pacing to truly unfold a story for you. I could have done without the very last twist (the one that literally comes on the last two pages), BUT this is a really great thriller to read if you’re looking for an “in one sitting” kind of book. 

And that was it for December! I think at least, there are still a few days left in the month and we’re not doing much of anything so I may just finish another book or two in these last few days. 

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Christmas Eve Boxes 2021

It’s one of my favorite traditions of the holiday season…our Christmas Eve boxes. We’ve done this every year since having the kids and it’s always a big hit. Our Christmas Eve usually encompasses an easy meal, some cozy pajamas, all the Christmas lights on, and How the Grinch Stole Christmas to see us to bedtime. Honestly, I might love Christmas Eve more than Christmas itself. It’s just the epitome of the spirit of the holiday (to me at least).

So, Christmas Eve boxes. 

Every year I follow the same pattern of sorts, pajamas, a new Christmas themed book, and then a little trinket of sorts. We’ve done mugs, plushies, and other little things. It’s usually something small that I’ve noticed they’ve developed an interest in throughout the year but doesn’t fit in with anything else that we are doing. It also tends to be the same for both boys (for now- that may change when they grow older and aren’t in the fight over everything phase). You can see our 2019 and 2020 options in those blog posts (just click the year) and this year was really no different. 

First up, the pajamas. I’ve gone away from the Christmas central pajamas and more towards a “winter” theme. Something they can wear throughout the winter season (I know, it’s ridiculous, but whatever). This year we chose this really cute pattern from the Wonder Shop at Target – you can find them HERE. I loved these so much. I didn’t get the same pattern for myself, but rather a “gnome for the holidays” set. 

Second, the books. This one was a bit more exciting this year as Colton is starting to get into “older” books and is starting to get better at reading. He’s recently really gotten heavily into Pete the Cat, so he got a Pete the Cat saves Christmas book. Andrew, as he has been for the past few years, is super into construction vehicles, so he got a Construction Site on Christmas Night book. The books on Christmas Eve have always been a big hit for my little readers. I too participate in this tradition, usually opting for a “Christmas Cozy Mystery” and this year got Murder in the First Edition by Lauren Elliott. I don’t look for anything super intense, but rather some light and quick for a little 24 hr. cozy reading moment. 

Third, the trinkets. This year was difficult for trinkets. We’re quickly fading away from the little plushies, little “things”, and even quicker, moving into the full-sized Lego sets, action figures, and the like. Which, I wouldn’t be opposed to put a little action figure or such in the boxes, but it didn’t feel “special” since most of their Christmas gifts consist of that stuff. However, I had noticed that they’ve been showing a real interest in one of the bus stop kids rubix cubes. And when I say interest, I mean they’ve been obsessed. It’s reached popper level (which we were going to include, but then one kid got wind of that/saw it when it arrived, so there it went) and I thought it would be a good fun little thing to include for them! They are also going to be getting their first little watches in the Christmas eve box this year, a Grogu one for Colton and Sonic for Andrew. 

This year we are also changing the “box” for a bag as our last pair of boxes was destroyed in the move and I figured a bag would be a bit easier to store and re use for longer. 

And that’s it for the Christmas Eve boxes for 2021. Do you have any fun family traditions? How do you spend your Christmas Eve?

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A Cuppa Cosy – November 2021

I’ll be honest with you; I don’t really know how great this month’s reading recap is going to be. It’s not that I didn’t do a lot of reading (6 books) or that it was that I didn’t like the books that I read (average rating of 3.6), rather the fact that over the last week of the month and into the first week of this month that my mind kind of went to mush. We had some personal things going on and so, basically everything has left my mind. I’m going to try and do my best to share my thoughts (some of which are strong worded), but it also might be a little bare compared to previous months. We shall see how it goes…

Prince Charming by Rachel Hawkins 3 Stars: This was fine, exactly as it should be. Not groundbreaking, but a fun little pick me up. I really love this royal/royal adjacent romance trope, and this fell really well into that, though I wouldn’t say it was a memorable one. 

Middlegame by Seanan McGuire 4 Stars: I read this toward the beginning of November, when I had a reading plan for the month (that fell apart), and I still don’t quite know how to talk about it. It’s a weird one…almost like if you ever wanted to read a sci-fi fantasy set in our modern-day world. 

Warbreaker by Brandon Sanderson 4 Stars This is not my favorite Sanderson novel by any stretch. I still enjoyed it, BUT I felt like a lot of the book (like at the very least 2/3) was a set up for possibly a duology or trilogy, only for the last 1/3 to ¼ to conclude everything. Almost like he wanted to turn it into a duology at the least but wasn’t given clearance from editor/publisher. I still really enjoyed it, but it is definitely towards the bottom of the list of Sanderson novels I’ve read. 

Our Violent Ends by Chloe Gong 4 Stars This book was such a good, epic conclusion to this Romeo & Juliet meets fantasy (maybe a bit steam punk too???) meets Shanghai duology. While there were a couple parts that I…thought could have been edited down a bit more, on the whole it was a great book. 

The Inheritance Games by Jennifer Lynn Barnes 3 Stars A book that I don’t know what really stuck with me. I enjoyed it, will probably pick up the second book, but I don’t know that there was anything truly “stand out” about it. It was a fine read. 

The Matzah Ball by Jean Meltzer NR This book…this book I feel passionate about. For starters, you’ll note that I didn’t give it a rating; that’s because I don’t really know HOW to rate this book. I’m conflicted because while I enjoyed seeing a “Jewish” themed holiday romance (a la hallmark in a novel), I had some very direct notable issues. For starters the fact that this is book is marketed to both Jews and Non-Jews, BUT it doesn’t handle writing for both well. It seemed to waffle back and forth, rather than sticking with one and then adding an appendix or some description section. I also don’t really like how the concept of “liking Christmas” is akin to abandoning Judaism is handled in the book and a couple of other specific religious issues were handled. But then I DO appreciate that this is hitting the market, that it is being done, and that we can see some Jewish books. So, conflicted. I could go on and on, but I’ll stop. 

And that was it! I know some had a lot, others had little, but I hope you enjoyed reading my thoughts anyways. Let me know, what was one book you read in November that you enjoyed.

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Hanukkah 2021

Last night at sundown started the Jewish holiday of Hanukkah. This is a minor holiday that was added to our holiday list after the Tanach was established. However, this holiday has a mighty, important story that we should all learn and know. To be honest, Hanukkah is my absolute favorite Jewish Holiday, with Rosh Hashanah being a very (almost tied to be honest) second. It has nothing to do with the gift part of it (which many people would assume), but with the story of the miracle of light. The miracle, the holding out of hope, the celebration of this one little miracle (as opposed to some of our other miracle celebrations). The entire holiday just gives me the warm fuzzies and makes me feel just…hopeful, grateful, and good. 

So, at its basic level, Hanukkah is the Festival of Lights. It celebrates the rededication of the 2nd Temple of Jerusalem. 

In the 2nd Century Antiochus IV and the Seleucids ruled over the territory and attempted to force the Jews to assimilate. They took over the temple of Jerusalem, sacrificed pigs and welcomed prostitution within the walls, built an alter to Zeus on a holy spot of Hashem, and outlawed several Jewish laws and practices. The Maccabees, Jewish warriors, refused to assimilate. They not only revolted against the Seleucids and drove them out, but they also revolted against those Jews who had assimilated. They waged a Civil War within the Jews and fought hard to bring back the Jewish beliefs and practices. Now, when the war was done and they went to rebuild and rededicate the temple, there was only one bottle of oil for the menorah (a 7-branch menorah- different from the hanukkiah we light during Hanukkah that has 9 branches). A miracle upon miracles, that oil lasted for 8 days, giving the Jews time to make fresh new oil to continue lighting the menorah every day. 

So, the story of Hanukkah is twofold, one is the miracle of the oil; the small pot of oil lasting for 8 days. The second is the fight against the assimilation of our people, the fight to keep our beliefs and traditions despite those who would destroy it and us. And for both of those reasons, I hold the holiday very close to my heart and it’s one of my favorites. 

Ok, so now that we know the history and such, let’s talk about the…” Christmas-ization” of Hanukkah. This is something that I’m a bit…well I have complicated feelings over. I’ll start by saying that as a family we celebrate both Hanukkah and Christmas, which most definitely plays a role in some of my opinions, but also as a child who experienced being “othered” for not celebrating Christmas/being Jewish, AND someone who is re defining what being “Jewish” and using my voice means/looks like, I feel like how I approach this is…notable. 

First off, by now you should know/realize that Christmas and Hanukkah are not the same. At all. And I’m not even saying in a commercial/capitalistic sense, but also just in a basic story of each. Christmas is the story of the birth of Jesus, who would go on to become the savior. Hanukkah is the story of a revolt against those who would have us change our ways, change our beliefs, change who we are, who would crush us into the ground. So, not really the same story at its most basic level. 

Second, these two holidays are not celebrated in the same manor. Hanukkah is celebrated over 8 nights, with fried foods, dreidel games, gelt and gift giving, and song and dance. When the Jews immigrated to the US they included gift giving as a way to offer something to Jewish children who go to school and hear about gifts/Santa (however some could argue that this is just an extended version of the tradition of gifting gelt that dates back to the early 1900’s). Hanukkah is also celebrated on a bit of a simpler “stage” than Christmas. At its basic-ness, we simply need a hanukkiah (the Hanukkah menorah- 9 candles instead of 7), some candles, and the prayers. Now, some families go beyond that, and set up larger displays in their homes, which is fine, but it is a far stretch from some of the Christmas decorations and idealizations of the holiday. 

With that being said, I appreciate stores trying to be inclusive and offer a wide variety of products to cater to every holiday in the winter. But, as we previously come to understand, these holidays are not the same. They are different both in basic story and in how they are celebrated. So, with respect to capitalism and big stores attempts, I do not want a “Hanukkah Bush”, nor do I want a “Mencsh on a Bench”, or “Hanukkah Charlie”. I don’t want to go into a store and see an attempt to take the holiday of Hanukkah and give it a Christmas rip off product. I don’t think that is wrong to feel AND while I was going to say that I appreciate the stores trying to include a wider variety of holidays, I really actually don’t. Hanukkah is not Christmas and when we understand a bit more of what the story of Hanukkah is (beyond the festival of light and the miracle of the oil), this becomes a bit more upsetting. The idea that The Maccabees were fighting against the idea of assimilating and changing our core, who we are, and our belief system, makes it so much more important to see the reflection of that in what is offered. And while we can argue that some…adapting is necessary in our survival and that the Jewish people have become experts at adapting our beliefs and rituals to fit just about anywhere (hello that is something we are very good at), that doesn’t mean that we need to be marketed to in this way.

I should say- I think each family should handle holidays in ways that work with their family and their beliefs. I would never judge a family on how they want to celebrate or practice. What I would like to see is stores doing a bit more research and understanding in the holidays themselves, rather than just shilling whatever out to consumers (a good example being making “Hanukkah Stockings”). It doesn’t take a lot for a business to do just a bit of research. 

I don’t know if I’ve worded my feelings above in a way that makes sense (and I did do a podcast on this, which may be a little cringeworthy, but there we are: HERE), but that’s my Hanukkah post for this year. I hope you’ve learned a little bit of the history of Hanukkah and my opinions on where we stand now.  

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Thanksgiving 2021

Every year I make a post centered around Thanksgiving, what I’m thankful for, a fun memory, or something along those lines. 

And this year really is no different. Except that it is. Last year I was thankful that I was even able to have my best friend and her family over for thanksgiving. This year we made plans with friends without a second thought to numbers, cases, rules or regulations. Last year I was grateful for the little travel we were able to squeeze in amidst everything 2020; this year, though we’ve traveled, I haven’t had to overthink, over plan, over research every little number and detail, with second and third options just in case and I’ve been grateful for that. Last year I was preparing to pack our lives up, shortly after unpacking them (in the grand scheme of things) and say “see you soon” to some of the closest friends I’ve made; this year we are cultivating an entirely new community for ourselves and our family with some pretty great friends and people. 

So, yes, I’m still grateful for many of the same things, but everything is different. 

I’m grateful for the little family we’ve made between myself, my husband and our two boys. This little family is beyond what I could have ever dreamed of and, while it’s not always perfect, it’s perfect for me. Those little boys are two rays of sunlight in my life, and while there are clouds sometimes, they really do have that power to lift them with the smallest of words or gestures. (Yes- I totally have a new understanding of “You Are My Sunshine”). 

I’m grateful for the friends in my life, both new and old, online and in person, who continue to lift me up, listen to me vent, allow me to be exactly who I am as I am, are willing to try new things with me, understand when I need time to recharge and what that looks like, and ultimately who remind me that I don’t have to go through things by myself. I can reach out and depend on others. I feel like I finally have a really solid circle and that makes a big difference in a person. 

I’m grateful for the travel that we’ve been able to do without a second thought (although all the trips have been carefully planned). We’ve been able to see some new places, have some new experiences, and remind ourselves that while it may not be Europe, the US has some pretty cool/beautiful spots to see.  

I’m grateful for our extended family, who we’ve seen most of over the past 9 months (except for a few- who we’re desperate to see and trying everything to get to) since being back in the US. 

And this year, I kind of want to talk about someone that I’m grateful for, but don’t really highlight much online…my husband. He’s been my rock, my solid ground, my voice of reason of logic, my everything. I know that we wouldn’t have this life without him, and I will forever be grateful for him.

Ultimately, I’m grateful to be alive and living a life that I only dreamed about for a while. Things feel so GOOD right now, not perfect, but perfect. I feel so content with life and that was something I didn’t know would happen a year ago. 

Happy Thanksgiving. 

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Visiting Holocaust Sites Part 2: Kaufering and Auschwitz

**A couple disclaimers before we get into this post…

  1. This is obviously going to contain graphic and triggering content. Please proceed with caution. Obviously my hope is that you read this and take something away, but I fully understand that this is a difficult topic to read about.
  2. I am Jewish. That colors everything, I do. Every part of who I am. More so now as I am starting to learn and realize some things from my past and my relationship with Judaism. But I am Jewish.
  3. This post is going to be jumbled. I don’t know how this is going to go, how this is going to get broken down, how it will be received, how much is just going to be a rambling stream of conscious. I don’t care. This is important.
  4. If you are someone who is a holocaust denier, a holocaust minimizer, an antisemite, racist, or want to disagree you may just move on. (It makes me very….grrr angry and heartbroken that I even have to say something like this, but it needs to be said.)
  5. (I’m just now adding these as I am writing this post). I think this is going to be a two-parter as I’ve only just finished the Dachau portion and I’m already pushing past 1500 words. The second part will be up in short time though- you won’t be waiting long for that.
  6. The second part of this two-parter…the second part was written after the incident of Domestic Terrorism on the US Capital, in which the most blatant display of antisemitism was exhibited in my life. I personally saw footage of “heil hitler”, camp Auschwitz sweatshirts, and two congressmen use Hitler’s rhetoric or name. If the tone is off in this second part as opposed to the first, please understand why.
  7. Finally, we are facing drastically rising Jew hatred not only in our country, but across the world. It’s often times hard to voice concerns, content, and information not only about this but also just about being Jewish. In a personal way, I am still learning and trying to figure out how I want to use my voice in regards to this.
  8. This post is going up way later than I intended, but here we are.

Disclaimers over.**

This is the second post in a two part series about how it felt/what it was like to actually visit Concentration Camps and other Holocaust related sites. If you haven’t seen part 1, I would highly recommend reading that HERE. In that post I talk about Dachau, which was the first place I ever visited (beyond the Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington DC) and Lidice, one of the most horrifying places I’ve visited. Today I am going to be talking about visiting Kaufering, a sub camp of Dachau, and Auschwitz.

KZ-Lager Kaufering VII Concentration Camp (HISTORY/FACTS POST– this is included in my Switzerland post as we stopped on our way there)

This was a bit different to visit as there isn’t much in the way of a museum or major landmarks to see. On top of that, when we visited, we were not able to walk within the camp itself, we had to keep to the outer boundaries, on the other side of the fence. No, that sentence is not lost on me. I didn’t know much about the sub camps of Dachau (or any of the major camps), only that they existed. Dachau had a total of 11 sub camps. Each of these camps had a purpose, a job/role to fulfill. Think of what you know of Dachau, of Auschwitz, and then think of something WORSE. The conditions from what we could see were even more cramped, more desolate. In this case, I learned much more after our visit. For example, the fact that they don’t even have an accurate number of dead from this particular subcamp and that these particular subcamps were the WORST in Bavaria. 

When you just look at the tube barracks that they would live in…I couldn’t begin to comprehend that people lived in that, and then the sheer number of people that would be crammed into these too small buildings with very little protection from the elements, very little light, terrified…

Auschwitz I & Auschwitz II-Birkenau Concentration Camps (FACTS/HISTORY POST)

This last camp has taken me longer than a month to write. I’ve had to stop and start multiple times. I’ve struggled with words. I’ve sat at my computer screen crying silent tears, I’ve screamed, I’ve shaken, I’ve seen red…when I tell you that nothing changed me like this visit changed me, that’s the only way I can even begin to describe it. We also had a…unique in our age addition to our visit. Since we visited during the Covid-19 pandemic (in October 2020) we had to walk through a “sanitizing spray”. While I knew that it was safe, that it was normal, it was chilling. Here’s the thing, Zyklon-B was originally used in sanitization purposes (if you don’t know- Zyklon-B was the gas that was used to murder millions of Jews in chambers that the Jews were told would give them a “shower”). So, to say that added a certain chill to our visit, that’s exactly what I mean. 

Nothing about Auschwitz was what I expected. Nothing. I mean I knew we would walk under the infamous gate with its “Arbeit Macht Frei”, that we would see two separate camps, and that it would be one of the hardest visits I would ever make in my life. What I didn’t expect was how…normal Auschwitz I was. From the road, from the outside it would look like any other military barracks. And it played that role for a time. Auschwitz I was home to POW’s, political prisoners, military, and the like. There is one crematoria on the site and one execution site. It was horrifying as a camp, but not the horrifying pictures and stories that we all recognize when we think of Auschwitz. 

Still, walking along the roads between the buildings on a gray Autumn day was a paradox, similar to Dachau. Autumn is my favorite time of year and that weather was my favorite (overcast skies, a little mist, cool temps, leaves gently falling). It didn’t help that we were in the “nice” camp of the two. I know a lot of people wonder; how did the local community not know what was happening? How could they (in a foreign country) be complicit in this? Well, the answer is that there was no local community. The Nazi’s took over the little city nearby and forced all of the residents out. This didn’t immediately happen, when the camp was originally opened, Auschwitz I (which- again resembled military barracks) was not to the level that it became. So, they didn’t need to hide as much. Once it was used to facilitate a killing camp just 5 minutes away, then things needed to change. And at that point, there was NO ONE local to stop them. The Nazi’s wanted to make sure that no one knew what was going on. In fact, it was only a couple of brave women who tried to capture the atrocities on camera and send them off to England for help (which still wasn’t enough, but we don’t need to get into that here). 

Within the buildings that you can enter, history is set forth. Thing it, unlike Dachau, images are not as present. On a guided tour, your tour guide tells you about each photo and gives the history of each room. At regular intervals, it will be re iterated to you that this camp (Auschwitz I) was never seen by the Jews. This was only seen by political or war prisoners. 

One of the hardest walks to take within Auschwitz I is the exhibit rooms. These rooms contain items confiscated from the Jews when they would come into Auschwitz II-Birkenau on the trains. The windows contain different items starting off with things like glasses, prayer shawls, clothes, and leading to shoes, suitcases, and finally hair. The hair. So much hair. And the exhibit on the gas chambers. The empty cannisters of Zyklon-B. Someone tell me this did not happen. This was exaggerated. I’ll tell you my tale. But this whole part of the visit pales in comparison to what comes. You see, Auschwitz I is what I would call a “precursor”. It tells you the history. It gives you the overview, the paths, the photos, the items. It gives you everything you need to go over to Auschwitz II-Birkenau and just truly take in the horror that occurred. 

The two camps are separated by a 5 minute or so bus ride. The entire ride I was…psyching myself up a bit. Going through Auschwitz I was far more trying than I had expected. I don’t know that I had any “expectations”, but I was feeling rattled. This was beyond what I could comprehend at that moment and I knew that the worst was still to come. I keenly remember the ride over, clinging to my children and their excitement at “being on the bus”. Colton’s somber little face as he could understand some of what we were seeing. 

We’ve all seen the train track, railroad station pictures. We’ve seen the railcars stopped, people piling out, or not if they had died on the way there. The inspection done by the doctors and SS officers of the camps. People walking one way or the other. It pales in comparison. 

The walk that we took is one I will NEVER forget. It is at the forefront of my brain, permanently etched. The tightness of my chest and ever-present feeling when I look at it or the memory is dragged front and center (thank you rioter wearing a “Camp Auschwitz” sweatshirt). Our walk took us up the tracks, the same route the cattle cars would go, stopped at where they would stop, then continued on, in the same fashion as most of the prisoners would walk. To the chambers. It’s impossible not to imagine the prisoners walking this, seeing the other prisoners standing at the fence watching, knowing what was coming. Even just writing about this is difficult, as I’m sure reading about it is. We saw a lot of Auschwitz, but that walk and the one barracks we walked into are what are permanently burned into my brain. 

This camp, this location, it lays bare the horrific atrocities of The Holocaust (though the Nazi’s did try to hide them). In that sense, in the history sense, in the sheer magnitude, this is the camp that was the hardest to visit. But it is also the camp that I recommend to everyone to visit. 

Let me end this two-part post on this final note…

There are a lot of issues with our modern-day comparisons to The Holocaust (and the important ones have to do with survivors and their families) , but it really boils down to this simple concept. You see, when you compare two things (no matter what they are) you lessen the values of what you are comparing. Unless you are comparing The Holocaust to a modern-day systematic extermination or an entire group of people (regardless of any form of origin or current status) there is no comparison. In all honesty we all (short of survivors or on the ground liberators) have an incredibly difficult time grasping the full concept and facts of The Holocaust. Let’s not lessen that with ridiculous comparisons. It almost makes it seem like…oh I don’t know it didn’t happen? It was exaggerated? When we make these Holocaust or Kristallnacht comparisons (which LETS BE CLEAR, Twitter bans and the Capital Riot are not comparisons in any form), we are feeding right into the conspiracy theorist/Holocaust deniers’ pockets. We are giving them ammunition. We are comparing the methodical Murder and extermination of a group of people with…well whatever comparison you are trying to make. So, don’t make that comparison unless it is fully warranted.

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