A Chatty Re-evaluation and Sharing Joy

I didn’t really have a post planned for today. Or rather, I had a million different ideas on what to post, posts prepared, and none of it really felt…right. I’m not sure- I’m kind of entering a bit of a funk with the blog. Not in a bad way, just in a…where do we go from here kind of way. What do I share? How do I share it? Do I even need to share it?

You could say in some ways there is a bit of an imposter syndrome moment happening over here. I hate saying it like that because I don’t know that that is exactly what it is. I go through these moments throughout the year of wondering if I really add any value (which HA wake up Mia- that IS Imposter Syndrome). These moments tend to come at times where there just isn’t a lot going on with life. Or at times when I feel like I’m creating much better…content in other spaces on the internet (videos on IG are really sparking a special kind of joy lately). 

I’m basically in a space where I want to reevaluate ever so slightly what I’m doing. A lot of the things that I’ve written about in the past, and tend to focus on, are…well not happening this year. We don’t have many trips planned because of life and work and such; we don’t have much going on that I can talk and share about publicly (not that I would necessarily choose to do, but I’ve always somewhat shared things that are affecting us). And so, I’ve just been trying to figure out what I actually want to write and talk about. This has been a thing that seems to happen every couple years – I tend to look back and forward to see where things stand (believe it or not I’ve been blogging in some form for 8 years now!). 

 So, what is going on? Well, the boys are on winter recess this year- I’m always shocked at how independent and self…sufficient, self-entertained they are getting as the months go by. I’ve filled in some of our days with playdates and errands (ambitious of me given the weather that’s coming in), but I’ve also scheduled in some time at home to rest and play. They’ve become amazing at simply playing together in their given spot in the house- whether that’s their room or the Lego area downstairs and allowing me to get things done or have a bit of quiet time. It’s shocking in some ways, sad in others, but overall, just super helpful haha. It’s a new level of parenthood that I’ve been grateful and sad to step in to- like much of parenthood. 

I’ve been a bit of a reading fiend this past week or so- I’ve just been devouring books in a way I haven’t in a long time. It’s been so refreshing to spend so much free time in between the pages of a book, to challenge my reading abilities, and just escape. When I’m not reading, I’m creating or I’m parenting, and I’ve just found a real joy in those three things together. 

It’s funny- when I picked my word for the year back at Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year- read about it HERE). I had no idea just how much it would guide and ring true to me. I’ve found life to be filled with so much joy these past few months, even when its hard or when I’m feeling a bit down. I’ve once again found a contentedness to our lives, a complete space of peace with where things are at just right now. I’m looking forward to experiencing more of this joy throughout the year- and sharing it with you! 

Something I’ve been thinking about implementing it’s a bit more of the slice of life stuff that I share over on Instagram. Not in the same way, maybe when I put together a reel or video of something we’ve done- I might do a little blog post here, go into a bit more detail, share links if needed and so forth. I feel like I want to immortalize some of these just true joys filled moments in so many ways and I think finding a spot on my blog for them might be good- especially as I’m reevaluating my content on here as it is. 

With that being said, if you’ve made this far through all my waffling – I want to share two little pieces of joy from the past week or so! 

The first was our little Valentine’s Day celebration. The boys had a half day at school (which was full of parties and card/gift exchanges), so I decided to put together a little something for the afternoon. I told them to work with each other to pick one movie, one of their favorites, while I put together a “little” charcuterie board. Well, the “little” charcuterie board ended up going a bit overboard and we spent all afternoon curled up in the living room eating a variety of cheese, salami, crackers, and fruit while watching Star Wars. I also made a special heart shaped Challah that was topped with pink and red X/O sprinkles and filled with chocolate. We made a total of three loaves, two of which were shared with friends, and enjoyed it all week long! It was a small but very special event for the boys and me. 

The second was a reading challenge I did over the weekend. I’ve done these challenges before- usually a read for 24/48hrs or something along those lines, but this time I had three books that I really wanted to read and wanted to read now. I knew they would all be compulsively readable- as in once I started, I wouldn’t be able to stop before I finished, so I decided to go for it!

And somehow, I managed to read all three in the three-day weekend. I managed to read The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches by Sangu Mandanna, Radiant Sin by Katee Robert, and Finlay Donovan Knocks ‘Em Dead by Elle Cosimano in 3 days! I surprised myself as this was a challenge, I didn’t know I could succeed at, the kids are one winter recess (which started a day early), I was trying to do a couple of fun things for them a movie night, and two hockey nights, AND I was doing it all solo- just me and the boys. But remember how earlier I talked about how independent and grown and self-engaged they’ve become? It was a real game changer for the weekend.

So that’s it on this chatty little Winter Recess post! Coming up I’ve got my monthly reading wrap up, a Jewish Literature post (that’s been written and waiting for a minute now), and maybe a little royal commentary! 

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Motherhood and You

Motherhood is all consuming, a never-ending cycle of care, but don’t let it consume you. Don’t simply become “mom”, don’t lose yourself, who you are, in caring for your children. Don’t cling to them as they start to grow up and grow away. Being a mom may be the most important hat you wear, or title you receive, (however you want to think of that), but it is not solely who/what you are.

All too often, starting almost immediately after birth, we become consumed by being a mom. By taking care of a little human being that depends solely on us for EVERYTHING (daunting, so daunting), by trying to be everything for this little being, and all too often we lose who we are in the process. We become so wrapped up in that “mom” role that we don’t take care of ourselves (a post for another day), we don’t take care of our significant other, we don’t take care of our friendships.

These things start to fall to the wayside, and it isn’t until we are a couple years in (or longer for some) that we realize that we don’t know who we are anymore. We have become a mom, the greatest blessing of all, but we’ve lost who we are in the process.

This is a normal thing that just about everyone experiences to varying levels. That isn’t to say that we can’t get back to who we are, or avoid this entirely, I’m just saying that this is a normal thing to go through. In fact, even the most prepared parents (the ones who swear that parenthood won’t change them) go through a level of this. It’s a natural instinct when we have a child that our world changes to revolve around this baby and it’s a very sweet time in our lives (postpartum depression/anxiety/and other issues aside). That doesn’t mean that it lasts forever. Our children will grow, they will mature, they will become independent and need us as parents less and less. That change is why it is important not to lose who you are when you become a parent.

How do we handle this? How do we allow motherhood/parenthood to take over our lives, and still maintain who we are?

Little things. What do you like to do in your free time? What did you like to do before you became a parent to relax?

Did you like to exercise? Find a gym that has childcare. Have your significant other take over the parenting duties for a few hours while you hit up a workout.

Did you like to read, write, watch TV, YouTube, etc.? Great! Naptime and after Bedtime are great opportunities to do these! (In fact, I squeeze a lot of my reading time during naptime and after the kids go to bed).

Did you like to shop or explore new areas? Perfect, you can do that with baby OR if you want baby free time, have your significant other or family watch the baby while you get a little break.

The main takeaway from this is not to have time away from your child, although that is needed too, but to find time within your day to do what works for YOU. What makes YOU happy. So much of motherhood is spent tending to others (and not just your own children, being a mom turns you into everyone’s mom) and it is easy to lose ourselves in that. So so easy to be swept away taking care of everyone and everything else.

If that is what fills you up and makes you happy, perfect! Do more of that. BUT don’t forget to take a little breath for yourself.

Big things. Find time for you and your significant other to have a little time together at the very least once a month. Take care of that relationship or it will fall to the wayside. Check in with each other throughout the day, send that sweet little text. Have a moment while the baby is napping. Hire a babysitter when baby is a little older to get much needed date nights in (no matter what those actually look like).

Everyone says that one day your children will go up and leave and then what will be left is you and your significant other. This is true, but what is more important is the example that you are setting for your children. From the get-go, our children learn from us. They see what a stable relationship and family looks like from us, so water your own marriage and your children will see how to water their own (when that time comes).

Make sure that you and your spouse are on the same page as situations arise so that you can be a cohesive unit. Parenthood can help your marriage thrive and grow into new heights, or it can fall to the wayside. More than likely it will ebb and flow between both (again, completely natural), but the continual watering will help everything stay on a balance to continue to go towards success and happiness.

Ultimately, motherhood is a phase of life. For those of us who are mom’s (in any form) it is an all-encompassing blessing. It never ends and takes a lot of who we are. BUT it doesn’t have to be solely who we are. We were somebody before we were “mom” and while being mom takes precedence, don’t say goodbye to who you are. She is still there, and she should be able to shine as well.

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Friday Morning Cups

This picture may seem simple. May seem harmless. Just a book and a cup of tea. Nothing more to see, right? Wrong. Now I don’t expect you to infer what I am about to say, nobody could just from this picture. But that is why I’m saying it. That is why it’s just a simple picture, with a much more powerful caption. Often times this isn’t something that is spoken about beyond the “shtick” that many moms have started to claim. There is nothing wrong with that, but it can be a dangerous line between what is normal and a funny “just a mom thing” and what is needing a little more attention

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Here sits my now cold cup of tea untouched along with my unopened book (that I started a night or two ago and haven’t touched since). If you know me, you know that either of these things being untouched is unheard of. Instead, I have been sitting here in my chair, staring out the window, utterly spent. Trying to recoup what little I have left.

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Motherhood is the most incredible gift that I have ever experienced but it is also a uniquely exhausting and trying time. It is a constant, overwhelming, role and there comes a time (for all of us), when we are just spent. When we have nothing left. When the simplest of things (like drinking a cup of tea or reading) can just sit for hours without being touched. We are not good at asking for help, we are not good at saying that we are overwhelmed, we just keep trying to hold everything together, while seemingly pulling our own selves apart. There is a level of exhaustion that is normal and then there is a level where you may need to talk to someone or need to ask for help.

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Don’t do what I did for a long time. Don’t try and hide how you’re feeling, or pretend like you’ve got it all together. Don’t always put yourself last. Every once in a while (preferably before you feel that last fraying string snap), tell someone. Reach out. Say I need a minute, 5 minutes, an hour (he’ll be ambitious and go for a couple hours if you can). You’ll be better for it. Your spouse will be better for it. Your children will be better for it.

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Friday Morning Cups – A Super Important Motherhood One

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“Toddlers are not giving us a hard time, they are having a hard time”. Saw this quote a little while ago and it really just put me back in the right mindset. Figured I would share it as well as it may remind someone else of what toddlers go through. I’m not going to sit here and tell you that it ISN’T hard to be a parent (it is at times and I will be the FIRST PERSON to acknowledge that, I actually just recently did), but I am going to try and say that sometimes we need to rethink our thought process when it comes to “terrible two’s”, “threenagers”, etc (which I totally do say those things, so I’m not perfect with this by any means.

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It’s hard for us to truly understand (as we as adults now possess the abilities our youngsters are learning), but imagine having all the feelings, feelings which you’ve never experienced before, learning all of these new things you’ve never known before, trying to understand the vastness and complexity of the world you live in, without having the words to express yourself. Without having the ability to truly make sense of what is going on around you. Sounds frustrating, right?

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So, when you are dealing with the 5th temper tantrum over your first morning cup, try to remember, they don’t understand. They are trying to learn about their world. Their rules. Their role. And it is up to us, as their parents to calmly riddle it out for them. To show them the way. To speak to them and help them understand. It is hard for them, just as it  can be draining for you. AND if you are feeling drained, say something. Take a little breather and do some self care. 

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Friday Morning Cups : A 2 for 1 on Motherhood

IMG_6071Before I was a mom I never thought I would be the mom who said: “Send (insert:caffeine,wine,junk food, etc) it helps” (In my case it’s tea and It totally does help).

▫️Before I was a mom, I never thought I would be annoyed at my messy house (I mean the kids are living, making memories, etc). 

▫️Before I was a mom I never thought I would celebrate the idea of using the bathroom in peace (I totally knew this whole everyone in the bathroom would be a thing, but that solo celebration is also a thing).

▫️Before I was a mom I scoffed at the idea of making separate sides for children (I don’t make a full separate meal, but I do occasionally make two different sides, while offering all options, just to ensure my picky toddler eats something at dinner).

▫️Before I was a mom, I thought that after becoming a mom it wouldn’t be hard to get back to husband and wife (don’t let this scare you, it’s not HARD per se, you just have to make it a priority because it is so so important. 

▫️Before I was a mom I had all sorts of ideas about TV time, technology, etc (which I actually still maintain most of those same ideas ☺️)

▫️Before I was a mom…The list could go on and on of things I thought, ideas on how I would parent, how I thought life as a mother would be. Then I became a mom. 

▫️That’s the thing about motherhood, you have all these ideas and principles in your head…and then it happens. You are handed your child and it gets real. While your overall principles stay the same, your approach, the way you talk, the little things you do everyday. New things annoy you, old things fade away. And if you decide to have multiple children? Your parenting approach and style change to meet the individual needs of each child. 

▫️So have your ideas and overall principles about how you want to parent, try to stick with them as you parent, but know that the minor details may change here and there. That every child is different and will have different needs. That it’s ok to say, how I had planned to parent isn’t what is working. It is ok to shift styles as you figure out what your child needs. Once you find what works for you and for your child, it’s magic…or at least magic with a side of what gets you through the day. 

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IMG_2124.JPGI’ve said it before- I like a clean house. I strive for a clean house 97% of the time (the 3% being the time that my kids are awake and trashing everything 😅). A clean home makes me calm (no joke). What I really pride myself on though is my kitchen. I strive for clean counters, floor, dishes in either the washer, drying wrack or put away. Perfection in my kitchen is heaven/less stress to me. BUT (and this is THE BUT of life really), there is a time and place for that. 

☕️Yes, there are dishes on my counter. Yes, I was in the process of clearing breakfast and handling my kitchen after a meal. But if I hadn’t turned around. If I hadn’t bent down. If I hadn’t taken the chance to just be with these two and have a mini pile up/dance party. Then I wouldn’t be me. I wouldn’t have this picture. I wouldn’t have these smiles. It may sound dramatic and over the top, but it’s true. 

☕️Our children want us. They want us to watch, to play, to talk, to be with them. While we see all the mess around us, see everything that needs to be done, see the work that needs to be done, they just see Mommy and Daddy. So turn around for a minute. Have the dance party. They may not remember every little thing, but they will remember the overall feelings/picture they had. And you will remember. And there will be smiles. Giggles. Happiness. 

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A Cuppa Cosy Heads International!

Yep, you read that title right! We are heading out of the United States and are so incredibly excited to do it! For the next few years we are going to be residing in Germany, learning about the culture, the history, exploring all over Europe, and blogging all about it!

I don’t normally speak about what my husband does, or really talk about him much at all, and that is both for privacy and security reasons. He is a relatively private person and I definitely respect (and love) that part of him, BUT I do want to say that the reason we are moving is to do with his job. He is in the military and we jumped at this opportunity when it presented itself.

We are so incredibly lucky to be able to move out of the country and explore somewhere completely new. It is not something that we are taking for granted, nor something that we are approaching lightly. We plan on truly absorbing everything that Germany (and Europe as a whole) has to offer. I can’t wait to share our experiences over the next few years and see where this journey takes us!

I will touch a little bit on our process for anyone that is wondering or is looking at a similar situation. For us (aka for military families) it’s all about timeline. The preparation stuff so far hasn’t been so bad. The biggest thing is just handling it early enough, so you don’t feel a bottleneck of stuff to do close to your move. I know that sometimes this isn’t a possibility, thankfully it is in our case, but if you can handle as much as you can as early as you can then that will really help the ease of a move. I will share once we get closer to our actual move date more tips and tricks that I have found in a single post.

We are both very excited about what the future holds for us and what this new path is going to be like!

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A Different Kind of Tired

If you follow me on any of my Social Media you may have already picked up on this, but the past few weeks have been no joke. They’ve been rough. It hasn’t been anything inherently bad, just routine life, but it’s just been a constant of life that’s stretched me thin.

Before we get too far into this, I did take a little “break” and did some self care that I haven’t really been able to get in, so I will not be so stretched thin and can “recuperate” a little. I am doing so much better now, which is referenced at the end of the post.

 I was talking with my husband one night and I found myself saying “I’m just so tired”. This was a pretty good sign to me as to where I was at. How I was feeling and what was going on. His response though? “Why don’t you go to bed then” A logical response to what I had actually said, but I knew that going to bed wasn’t really the answer, just like being physically tired wasn’t what was wrong. Yes, I was physically tired, and yes, going to bed would have probably helped, but it wasn’t the larger issue.

There is a different kind of “tired” when you are a mom. The feeling of just being so worn out emotionally and mentally. We say tired because with this feeling we can feel physically tired, but the root of that is really just our mental and emotional state. It usually comes at a point when we just simply need a break from “being a mom”. We need to have an adult conversation, an adult beverage, or -honestly- an adult only restroom break.

Being a mom (and a parent) means being constantly there when your kids are there. Yes, there are times when we step away and do dishes, or write, or read, or make food, but honestly there is always a part of us that is paying attention to our children. Keeping an ear out for what they are doing, keeping a side eye on what toys they are playing with, making sure that they aren’t destroying the house or hurting each other or getting into things they shouldn’t be into.

That alone, that divided attention, trying to do two things at once (keep the kids happy, and maybe cook some food, do some dishes) is exhausting by itself. And sometimes, being a mom is not the only thing we do. It may be the most important, but often times we are also wives, employees, business owners, or have some other commitment going on that we need to do.

Not only do we balance motherhood, partnership, work, we are also actively maintaining a living space and trying to take care of ourselves. Even with the help of our respective partners, it all adds up. And, at some point, we get tired. Not just physically tired, but emotionally and mentally worn out. We collapse in a pile in bed or on the couch and just lay there. We revel in the peace that is the house after the kids go to bed, the nightly chores are done, and there is a quiet that we haven’t heard all day long.

So yes, I was tired when I said that and yes, I did go to bed, but it wasn’t (and isn’t ever) a simple fix. It took a couple days for me to get out that “tired” feeling. A couple days of easy weekend-ing, having my whole little family together, and getting a blissful few hours kid free. That was what I really needed and when we started a new week, it felt as if I was back in action.

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Sunday Evening Chat (aka supposed to be Friday Morning, but I missed it)

As moms (and parents in general), we’ve got some pressure.

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The pressure of raising a being who is entirely reliant on you. The first few years are like nothing else. A baby needing you 24/7, then a toddler demanding your sole attention at all waking hours. It seems like the days are never ending (even though they say the years are short-which they are).

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The pressure of putting on the “facade” of a “happy, beautiful mom with her happy beautiful children”. The pressure of constantly feeling “on” all the time.

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The pressure of a clean home, ready to greet visitors, friends and family alike, and then the pressure of feeding and hosting those visitors.

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The pressure of needing to do all the things for all the people all the time. Of constantly needing to feel like you are handling everything, taking care of everything and everyone. Making sure everyone is happy, healthy, and fed.

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Finally, the pressure not to complain. Not to talk about how hard it can be. To only share the good, the positive. To put a smile on and brush any problems or struggles under the rug. To talk about the problems is to be ungrateful, to be airing stuff that just shouldn’t be talked about. This is just what t is to have children and deal with it.

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Some of this pressure is just being a mom (the children are reliant on you after all and there are things that we have to do as mothers), some of this pressure just comes from who we are as a person. Some of this pressure comes from outside voices. Voices who judge us for who we are, what we do, how we handle ourselves and our family.

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All this pressure is bullshit and insane. But it’s there.

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How do we handle this pressure? How do we make sure we don’t bottle it up and let it take over bit by bit? How do we manage? How do we make sure that with all the pressure we don’t break?

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Sometimes it feels like we are balancing on a tightrope with plates and cups stacked up high on our head. One wrong step and everything comes tumbling, no crashing, down. How do you do it? How do I do it? How do any of us do it? I wonder because we all do it.

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“Don’t You Want A Little Girl”

***Disclaimer (although I feel crazy for having to even put this here): I know I could have had the same traits and such with a girl as with a boy. The relationship is different. I am pulling on my own relationship with my boys, as well as relationships with mothers as a daughter/in law. Instead of saying “but it’s a girl”, let’s just let the post be what it is.***

I hear the question: “Don’t you want a little girl?” or “Are you going to try and have that little girl”, way too many times. I was bless with two wild, rambunctious little boys that I wouldn’t trade anything in the world for. 

I’ve never felt that calling to have a little girl. Sure, I saw how sweet they could be and how I could have a little “mini me” in a little girl, but I never was the person who said I want/have to have a little girl. I always wanted boys for as long as I could remember. I always wanted to have that wild, adventurous, fearless spirit to raise and nurture. I wanted to have wrestling matches, to see them get dirty exploring their world, to feel that Mother/Son bond. To have the comradeship of brotherhood. 

D’Corzo Photography | http://www.dcorzo.com | 2018
D’Corzo Photography | http://www.dcorzo.com | 2018
D’Corzo Photography | http://www.dcorzo.com | 2018

I’ve read (and heard) the quote: “Little boys bring you to the brink of insanity before gently easing you off the edge with a sweet kiss and laughter from a perfectly timed fart” and I can assure you that that is completely accurate. I wouldn’t live life any other way. 

SO, no I don’t feel like I am missing anything by not having a daughter. No, I do not want to try for that little girl as I have exactly what I want now. I feel so incredibly complete between my husband and our two boys. Nothing can change that. 

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Friday Morning Cups: Parenting Edition

***Warning- Language***

Boy oh boy. I haven’t done just a chatty post in a while, and I sure did pick a good day to just start typing away. It’s a Tuesday afternoon. I’ve finished work, and I’m now putting some touches on a couple of blog posts, responding to my own emails, and trying to get things sorted in the 20 minutes I get in between ending my work day and the boys waking up. My music is on and I’ve had a lot on my mind over the day. I figured I would sit down and kind of just word vomit for you. Lovely, huh?

Today was a test for me as a mother. As a person. It’s been a tough day. Not a breaking point one, no where near that, but a tough one none the less. I feel like there are days that you may not hit that breaking point, but are almost harder than if you were just to break. 

Our older son is at 2.5 and for him, it is just a tough age to be in. They have so much that they desperately want to say, so much that they want to express and no understanding or comprehension of how to do that. They are just starting to understand the range of emotion and feelings that they can have and for him, my independent strong willed loving child, he feels those very strongly. A lot of times in our home, and many many others I’m sure, all these feelings get melded together into one of frustration and anger which then leads to tantrums. This can be just as frustrating (and grating) for the parent as it is for the child. Imagine there are two people trying to help each other who are not speaking the same language. It is similar to that and yet much harder. 

All this to say that I struggle with the parent that I want to be and the parent that I am currently being today. I want to be the calm and collected parent who always sits down and talks through problems with her children. Who has that peaceful approach and can de escalate a situation without time outs, yelling, or a swift “go to your room”. Most days I am fairly good at being that parent. At being able to provide a combination of calm talking through problems and let’s go take a time out for a minute and calm down (without the anger of “go to your room”), but not today. Today I let myself down as a parent. 

Not an hour into the day, our older son had his first meltdown. They continued all throughout the day and I don’t think we hit a “good” stride until after nap time. He really just threw me for a loop today and I found my self just wondering what to do. I yelled a couple of times. He went into time out a couple of times. I don’t like feeling frazzled, or like I am just continually losing my shit, and yet here I am looking back at how the day went and realizing that I just did lose my shit, over and over again. 

Now let me be real about something, I know these days are going to come. Life is not sunshine and daisies, and parenting is not all the unicorns and rainbows in the world. It is hard, worth it, but hard. I know my son is probably not going to remember these moments, as they are few and far between. That doesn’t stop me from feeling like a turd nugget for yelling at him. I know that 2 is just a really hard age for children and parents alike. That doesn’t stop me from feeling like I’ve failed my children today. I say children because I feel as if I failed both of them. I was so thrown by my older son that it wore off on my parenting of my younger son, which I think I might even hate more than anything else. 

So basically, today was a shit day, with shit feelings, and I am over it. I am ready for tomorrow to be better. For it to just be a new day, with a new start. To let go of today and the problems, take the lessons I’ve learned and go in with a fresh outlook for tomorrow. I can’t change today, but I can try for a better tomorrow. 

(I know I wrote this on a Tuesday and it is being posted on a Friday. I can say that my Wednesday was much better and the rest of the week has gone swimmingly in the parenting realm 🙂 ).

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