My Evening Routine – Updated in 2023

I feel like in order to have a good day the next day, it starts the night before- cliché I know, but somewhat true. A couple years back I started experiencing some really bad chronic back pain that really started to affect me in ways that I didn’t really understand. This really affected my sleep, which then affected my morning, the next day, and then a cycle was born. A couple weeks into physical therapy I completely overhauled and shifted my evenings to try and help develop a better sleeping habit. For me, sleep is a big chunk of my attitude and approach to the day in a way that I didn’t recognize prior to working through my chronic pain. 

A couple of things….

This is what I’ve found works best for me. It allows me to calm both my body and my mind, both of which will hold tension and thoughts all night if I let them. This is also something that will apply year-round, although the time of evening might change come Summer. The basic concept and order of events stays the same, meaning my evening routine will always be about an hour and a half before I’m ready to read and then lay my head down. So, basically in the summer I will do this routine and then maybe pop outside and read out there until I’m ready for bed or what not. This is just what I need to do to get into that bedtime calmness.

So, my “evening” technically begins around 7:30PM when I put the kettle on, turn off anything on my phone that deals with “words” (I used to listen to podcasts as I cleaned in the evening and got ready for bed, but I found that that didn’t end up being very “relaxing”). I’ll turn on a classical music playlist on Spotify and start to do the dishes while the kettle is boiling. I pour an evening cup of tea- I swear by the Twining’s Nightly Calm- and will nurse it over while I tidy up the kitchen, wiping down all the counters, sweeping the floor and then a quick Swiffer. Once I finish in the kitchen it is usually time for the boys to start cleaning up their toys and getting ready for bed. 

I’m very lucky in the fact that, when he’s home, my husband will do most of the boy’s night routine. It’s kind of become his time with them (though there’s a lot of back and forth about cleaning typically ha-ha) and I’m happy to leave that to him. I continue to nurse the evening tea as I help the boys tidy up their toys (this is usually just pushing the boxes back where they belong and putting the couches and blankets back where they belong). Usually by the time this is done I’ve finished my tea and I’ll clean the mug up, turn all the lights off downstairs and head upstairs. 

I’ve still got the classical music playing in my ears as I head into the bathroom to take my makeup off, wash my face, and brush my teeth. During this time the boys are getting a bath (if Robert is not home, I’ll put off washing my face until after bedtime so as to handle the boy’s bedtime). I’ll admit, it took me a long time to get the good habit of washing my face every night. My skin tends to be fairly normal, no major breakouts, and most of the time it absorbs moisture very well. I would always take my make up off, but I’ve found that beyond the good benefits of skincare, it also just continues that feeling of “the day has ended”. Sometimes your body and mind really need the physical reminders to start shutting down. 

So, wash my face, brush my teeth, then moisturize my hands- this is a necessity especially in winter when my hands crack. 

On school nights the boys are in bed by 8:30PM (weekends tend to be anywhere from 8:30-10:00PM depending on what we’re doing- the later time being rare). Starting at 9:00PM my phone is put away and not touched again. I’ve always had the do not disturb option come on at 9:00PM, but I’ve been guilty of continuing to peruse social media or whatever until the second bedtime. No more. Looking at my phone, at all the “things” just makes my mind light up again and it’s hard to come back from that. So, phone up and away, and that includes the classical music playlist that I had going. It’s all done and gone. 

Once kids are in bed, in winter at least, I’ll crawl into bed and do some reading for about an hour until I turn the reading lamp off and go to sleep around 10:30PM. I’m not sure how this will change in the summer- I’m sure I’ll be sipping on my tea outside or downstairs with my book and soaking up the last of the light much later into the night. 

And that’s it! Seriously so simple and full of “obvious” duh things, but we often forget or miss out. This honestly has truly changed how I sleep and how I feel when I wake up the next morning, which in turn has been a game changer across the board. 

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A Chatty Re-evaluation and Sharing Joy

I didn’t really have a post planned for today. Or rather, I had a million different ideas on what to post, posts prepared, and none of it really felt…right. I’m not sure- I’m kind of entering a bit of a funk with the blog. Not in a bad way, just in a…where do we go from here kind of way. What do I share? How do I share it? Do I even need to share it?

You could say in some ways there is a bit of an imposter syndrome moment happening over here. I hate saying it like that because I don’t know that that is exactly what it is. I go through these moments throughout the year of wondering if I really add any value (which HA wake up Mia- that IS Imposter Syndrome). These moments tend to come at times where there just isn’t a lot going on with life. Or at times when I feel like I’m creating much better…content in other spaces on the internet (videos on IG are really sparking a special kind of joy lately). 

I’m basically in a space where I want to reevaluate ever so slightly what I’m doing. A lot of the things that I’ve written about in the past, and tend to focus on, are…well not happening this year. We don’t have many trips planned because of life and work and such; we don’t have much going on that I can talk and share about publicly (not that I would necessarily choose to do, but I’ve always somewhat shared things that are affecting us). And so, I’ve just been trying to figure out what I actually want to write and talk about. This has been a thing that seems to happen every couple years – I tend to look back and forward to see where things stand (believe it or not I’ve been blogging in some form for 8 years now!). 

 So, what is going on? Well, the boys are on winter recess this year- I’m always shocked at how independent and self…sufficient, self-entertained they are getting as the months go by. I’ve filled in some of our days with playdates and errands (ambitious of me given the weather that’s coming in), but I’ve also scheduled in some time at home to rest and play. They’ve become amazing at simply playing together in their given spot in the house- whether that’s their room or the Lego area downstairs and allowing me to get things done or have a bit of quiet time. It’s shocking in some ways, sad in others, but overall, just super helpful haha. It’s a new level of parenthood that I’ve been grateful and sad to step in to- like much of parenthood. 

I’ve been a bit of a reading fiend this past week or so- I’ve just been devouring books in a way I haven’t in a long time. It’s been so refreshing to spend so much free time in between the pages of a book, to challenge my reading abilities, and just escape. When I’m not reading, I’m creating or I’m parenting, and I’ve just found a real joy in those three things together. 

It’s funny- when I picked my word for the year back at Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year- read about it HERE). I had no idea just how much it would guide and ring true to me. I’ve found life to be filled with so much joy these past few months, even when its hard or when I’m feeling a bit down. I’ve once again found a contentedness to our lives, a complete space of peace with where things are at just right now. I’m looking forward to experiencing more of this joy throughout the year- and sharing it with you! 

Something I’ve been thinking about implementing it’s a bit more of the slice of life stuff that I share over on Instagram. Not in the same way, maybe when I put together a reel or video of something we’ve done- I might do a little blog post here, go into a bit more detail, share links if needed and so forth. I feel like I want to immortalize some of these just true joys filled moments in so many ways and I think finding a spot on my blog for them might be good- especially as I’m reevaluating my content on here as it is. 

With that being said, if you’ve made this far through all my waffling – I want to share two little pieces of joy from the past week or so! 

The first was our little Valentine’s Day celebration. The boys had a half day at school (which was full of parties and card/gift exchanges), so I decided to put together a little something for the afternoon. I told them to work with each other to pick one movie, one of their favorites, while I put together a “little” charcuterie board. Well, the “little” charcuterie board ended up going a bit overboard and we spent all afternoon curled up in the living room eating a variety of cheese, salami, crackers, and fruit while watching Star Wars. I also made a special heart shaped Challah that was topped with pink and red X/O sprinkles and filled with chocolate. We made a total of three loaves, two of which were shared with friends, and enjoyed it all week long! It was a small but very special event for the boys and me. 

The second was a reading challenge I did over the weekend. I’ve done these challenges before- usually a read for 24/48hrs or something along those lines, but this time I had three books that I really wanted to read and wanted to read now. I knew they would all be compulsively readable- as in once I started, I wouldn’t be able to stop before I finished, so I decided to go for it!

And somehow, I managed to read all three in the three-day weekend. I managed to read The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches by Sangu Mandanna, Radiant Sin by Katee Robert, and Finlay Donovan Knocks ‘Em Dead by Elle Cosimano in 3 days! I surprised myself as this was a challenge, I didn’t know I could succeed at, the kids are one winter recess (which started a day early), I was trying to do a couple of fun things for them a movie night, and two hockey nights, AND I was doing it all solo- just me and the boys. But remember how earlier I talked about how independent and grown and self-engaged they’ve become? It was a real game changer for the weekend.

So that’s it on this chatty little Winter Recess post! Coming up I’ve got my monthly reading wrap up, a Jewish Literature post (that’s been written and waiting for a minute now), and maybe a little royal commentary! 

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My Morning Routine – Updated in 2023

The time has come that I feel like it’s time to do an updated Morning Routine. Some things have changed, some are completely the same from the last morning routine I wrote a couple years back. The biggest change is that I’ve been dealing with chronic pain for the past couple of years. I have been through physical therapy – finished that about a year ago, but the pain is starting to come back again (this is to be expected with what is going on with my back). So, back to the doc, physical therapist, and more I go! Anyway, when I wake up in the morning I don’t know if it’s going to be a mid-pain day or a high pain day, which, as you can imagine, makes a massive difference. I stick to this routine generally, but on a high pain day I tend to take a little longer to get out of bed in the morning. 

Before we really get into this routine, I want to note that a morning routine isn’t a lot without a solid evening routine. I’ll be talking about that in an upcoming blog post. 

So, weekdays my alarm goes off at 6:00AM. During the school year the boys get up around 7:20-7:30AM, and I need to have at least an hour for myself before I go get them up. One of my intentions for this year was to get out of bed when my alarm goes off, which, most of the time I actually do. There are some instances where I don’t, but most morning my alarm goes off and within 5 minutes I’m out of bed. The biggest help for this is some sort of a sunrise alarm clock going off when my alarm on my phone does. I wrote about this in my “magical winter” post HERE, but I found this great alternative on Amazon (which you can find HERE). It’s not a full-on sunrise alarm clock, but it’s working for me for now. 

I’ll put on some sort of calming or inspiring Spotify playlist depending on what mood I’m in/what I need to set myself up for the day. Beyond that I do not look at my phone. I have the Do Not Disturb set on my phone, it goes on at 9:00PM and goes off at 7:00AM. I try not to look at anything on my phone until 7:00AM, with social media/Email/Whatever until 8:00 or 9:00 AM. I just find that if I start my day on my phone, it instantly shifts my mood and mindset- even if it’s just good things I’m seeing. 

I hop out of my bed and will typically start the day with a couple of stretches to get my back moving and loose. My chronic pain is in my back and the biggest thing I can do to help it is to stretch it out first thing. From there I jump in the shower, either just a quick shower or a full on wash my hair, shave, and do all the things. Now, this is where my morning has changed the most- I used to try and do some yoga or a quick cardio blast or something to move my body, but I have found that it just didn’t work for me. I either didn’t do it, and then beat myself up for not doing it, OR I would do it and then rush through everything else I need to absolutely get done before I get the kids up. So, I still do these things, but later in the day. 

Around 6:30-6:45 (depending on the hair wash situation), I’m typically sat in front of my mirror putting on a little bit of makeup and then getting dressed. My wintertime wardrobe is vastly different from my spring/summer (and not just because it’s cold), but I’ve talked about all the wardrobe and clothing things HERE. 

At about 7:00AM, I head downstairs to open up all the blinds and get breakfast started. If you follow along on my social media, you’ll know this part of my routine quite well as it’s one of my favorite things. I start by going into the sunroom and opening up the blinds on our biggest window. During winter it’s still relatively dark, but in the summer the light just floods in. Then I slowly go around to the rest of the windows downstairs opening the blinds, turning lamps on, and creating the cozy morning space. 

Once that is done, I return to the kitchen where I put the kettle on and prep breakfast. It’s simple most morning, bagel for myself, pop tarts or donut holes for the boys. Some mornings I’ll make a breakfast for my husband and myself – breakfast burritos- once the kids are on the bus. When we are able, we typically will have some sort of berry as well. The boys get up around 7:20AM during the school year, get dressed and such, and then come downstairs to eat breakfast. 

Both boys ride the bus to school, and I’ll walk with them down to the bus stop (which is just a couple houses down from ours) and wait with them. Once they’re on the bus, I finish up my tea and visit with Robert. This little chunk of time is meant for chatting and planning. It’s also when I typically will do a little journaling and look at my tasks for the day/map out how I want my day to go. 

I try to have my “day” start at 9:00AM with unloading and putting away the dishes in the kitchen. Then I’ll do the cleaning chores I have set out for the day (I deep clean one section of the house a day, and do a light tidy up the entire house every evening) and finally, around 10:00AM or so I’ll head into the office to get started on my computer tasks for the day. 

And that’s it! It doesn’t really change too much as I’ve found that it really works. I think the biggest game changer to my morning and day is getting up before my kids. Even if it’s just 10 minutes, it makes a difference. 

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New Year, New Fashion

I feel like it seems to be every year that I make some sort of fashion post (upon review- this was much more frequent…should it come back???). Every year I have at least one, which is funny because I would not consider myself a…fashion chatter. I like what I like and I’m comfortable in what I’m comfortable in and that’s that. I don’t expect anyone to come to me for fashion advice, nor do I dole it out. I’m a big believer in the idea that if you love what you wear, you can typically wear whatever you want. It’s all about confidence.

 

With all that said, I have seemingly honed in a bit more on my style, on what I move towards and what I feel the most comfortable in. I think I’m starting to find a bit more of myself in fashion and a bit less of myself in the “trends” of the moment. So, I figured I’d talk about it because why not. It’s fun to see how we evolve over time and grow more and more into ourselves. 

If you want a quick moment to look over some of my previous fashion related posts I did one where I switched out of constantly wearing the same “momiform” of sorts (this is what kicked this off) HERE, where I shared some of  what I wore HERE and HERE (I actually have several more of these- more than I thought!), where I first talked dresses HERE, then when my style shifted a little bit more to “me” with some of my favorite dresses HERE, and then a funny one on my “winter” wardrobe HERE. Quite a few posts to see the evolution- which is fun (though I cringe at some of those-oy). 

I think my style really started to shift when we lived in Europe. It’s a whole different ballgame there on so many levels and I really was able to draw inspiration from a wide variety of options. Oddly it was as overwhelming as it was exhilarating at times. I was able to figure out what I liked/didn’t like simply by observing those around me. This is also when I started to really look at fashion accounts, find what I actually liked, and then find places that fit my budget. 

Two things I found helpful when I started trying to figure out what my style actually was, mostly so I could stop spending money on things I would either wear once or liked the idea of but didn’t realistically fit “me”. The first was a concept I stumbled on on TikTok, which is the three-word method.  Using three adjectives to describe your style, or what you want your style to convey. The first two are typically constant and describe what your current most constant style is, but the third can change from time to time, or season to season in my case, to reflect what you want in your style. I found that the three-word method really helped me with the second helpful thing- being more aware when buying clothes. I think we can all name a time where we succumbed to a purchase, or a trend and it didn’t…work out in the way we hoped for. I found that the three-word method helps narrow down not only what I liked, but what I was looking for in my own clothes/closet. 

My first two words have seemingly fit right into everything I love. I want my style to reflect effortless and classic. I don’t know if those words really fit together, but I like to think that they do. And this is my personal style so I can do whatever I like haha. I find myself avoiding most trends- they never seem to look just right on me and I don’t really want to go buy new wardrobes every single time a trend goes in or out of fashion. I’d rather have classic staples that work through trends, then if I feel drawn to something specific that is trending, I can see if it fits with what I’ve already got going on. The third word is probably the one that changes the most- I find that my needs tend to shift when one season changes into another. I tend to fall into the same line of thinking- in summer it’s “soft” or “floral”; in winter it’s “oversized” or “layered”. We’ll get into it a little bit more in a minute. 

So, when I purchase something new, I try to remind myself of a couple of things…

!) Do I have more than one thing to wear this with? You would be shocked to find out how many times any of us purchase something that only goes with…one other thing in our closet. I’ve done it countless times. So, when I purchase something, really anything, it has to be with versatility in mind. I have to be able to make at least 3-5 outfits with the new item and what I already have. 

2) Will I actually where this/Does this fit with my lifestyle? Again, you would be shocked at how many times this happens. We find that cute top or dress or heck an entire outfit, buy it and then either never find an occasion to wear it or realize that it just doesn’t fit with our day-to-day lifestyle. For me, this means that when I am buying something new it has to fit with a variety of activities. 

3)Do I already have this or something similar in my wardrobe? I’m probably the worst at this one- if I find something I like I buy it in many similar variations. While I want my wardrobe to fit my style, I want it to subtlety be different. It needs to be dynamic. If we feel like we are wearing the same thing ALL, the time- it gets stagnant. So, while I might want 5 gray sweaters, maybe I should by that pop of color sweater instead. 

4) Am I buying this because it feels “of the moment” or because I feel like it actually fits in my wardrobe? This is something I try to stick to, but probably give myself a bit more grace on this because sometimes those “of the moment” options can fit right into my existing wardrobe and become a long-standing piece. But honestly, most impulse purchases tend to be in the store going “oh this is so cute” and then I take them home, realize it’s either too trendy for me or just doesn’t look how I want it when incorporated into other outfits and it goes to the wayside. 

I’ve found that honing in on my style, then incorporating it into my buying habits, and trying to stay a bit more…strict about it has really cut down on my buying of a bunch of random clothes. I don’t stick with these hard and fast, there are times where I’ll grab something completely off the wall, but most of what I buy tends to fit very well into what I already have. 

So, what is my actual style incorporating this whole method?

Well, I found that in the warmer weather I have an affinity for dresses. I love to wear a dress the minute the weather warms enough, and I typically wear them all summer long- I’ve got enough to last (and I’m always adding more). I like to think that my summer style lends itself to that…European Countryside/Cottage Core look. I still keep the effortless and classic but add in that “soft” touch with the style of dresses- most that I lean toward tend to be longer, flowy (I love a good midi dress) and softer colors that, mostly, give hints of floral elements. Now, I do still have my jean shorts and some shorter skirts that cycle through during the summer (we do hike quite a bit when the weather turns nice) so it’s not sure fire this, but even the shorts and skirts tend to be paired with tops that fit these words. 

My Autumn/Winter style tends to be a bit more…well more. Most of the time it’s full of sweaters and pants- usually oversized sweaters with some skinny or straight leg pants. I still keep the effortless and classic, but I add in “oversized” or “layered” to my Autumn/Winter style.  Where we currently live (and honestly, it’ll probably be the same wherever we settle down to) it is simply to cold to be able to wear anything other than the chunky sweater/jeans look. And honestly, I think even if it wasn’t as cold, this would still be a bulk of my Autumn/Winter wardrobe. I do love a good sweater- I just would probably pair it with a skirt/longer dress or wear a good sweater dress. I’ve actually picked up a couple of the longer sweater/ribbed dresses for Autumn/Winter to try out. If a random warmer day pops up through the winter (or if we’re traveling to somewhere that is a bit warmer) I’ll throw those on instead.  

Two final thoughts…as you can tell from the pictures, I don’t typically go towards specific colors- though I do tend to find myself reaching for certain colors depending on my mood or just general vibe. If I had to say though (even if it’s not well represented in these photos) I tend to own a lot of blues/whites and then browns, grays, and recently some more greens. I do have a few pops of color- though they tend to be bright pops rather than softer muted tones.

Throughout the season I typically add a couple of pieces that refresh and fall into my wardrobe quite nicely and I’ve already got my eye on a couple spring/summer pieces that I’m very much looking forward to adding in.

And that’s really it! Who would have thought I would have had 1500+ words in me to share about fashion, but here we are! A little chatty clothing post to break things up a bit. 

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2022 – A Year in Review

Whew- 2022 is coming to a rapid end. Does anyone else just feel like…where did this year go? It can’t just be me, honest it can’t. I feel like this year has just flown by. 

The New Year is funny as I celebrate the Jewish New Year and it’s always, historically been when I feel like it’s a new year…but then I celebrate and wrap up with the English calendar. So, most of my thoughts and goals have already been stated possibly, though I have a bit of a firmer attitude at this point. 

2022 was…notable and yet not notable. I learned some things about myself, my relationships, and others that really shaped my thoughts and life moving forward. I’ve alluded to this before, but there have been some real ups and downs over the past year. Nothing terrible, but just…reminding myself of lessons I’ve learned prior to this. 

I’ve learned that jealousy from others is a very real thing and that there is nothing that you can do about it- maybe even more so when it’s about aspects that you can’t really…help. I’ve learned that as much as you might love something, if it’s toxic you have to lesson your involvement. I’ve been reminded that once you remove certain people and situations from your life you remember what life is. 

I’ve had to relearn and remind myself what sticking firm to my boundaries looks like. I’ve had to remind myself that there are shades to boundaries (remember THIS post?). I’ve had to have conversations with my children that I hadn’t expected to have yet- and I’ve said, “this is a conversation we aren’t quite ready for, but if you have any questions, please ask them”, several times. 

But I’ve had so many good times in 2022. I’ve re discovered and reminded myself who I am, the beauty and excitement and magic of the little moments I’ve found joy, happiness, and magic in the little in between moments, in the mundane daily tasks, in the tiny touches nobody notices (until they do). We’ve traveled quite a bit- NYC, Niagara, Mackinac, Toronto, Montreal, North Creek for the Autumn Leaves, and Letchworth for our Camper Trip. Our older baby “graduated” Kindergarten ahead of grade level, and our youngest started Kindergarten strong ending 2022 with an award! 

When I sat down to figure out my word of the year back during Rosh Hashanah (post HERE), I really took the time to think about what I wanted to welcome in my life in the new year. It sounds ridiculous but I really want to choose a word wisely. I don’t know it’s just important to me, but it is and this year I kind of struggled. Eventually it just came to me…

Simcha – the Hebrew word for Joy. That’s what I wanted. That was all I wanted. Joy in everything. And to be honest, I think I’ve found it. It’s funny because I picked “Simcha” because that’s what I wanted, but it’s what I had been finding for several months. I had been reminding myself what joy in everything looked like. And I feel like I’ve brought it to life, both in myself and in my family. And I’m excited to see what is coming in 2023 and my Jewish New Year has already been going SO WELL. 

What else do I want in 2023? Well, not a whole lot. I think this year is the year that I don’t have a lot of goals- every year I’ve said that I want to complete a few personal projects, and this still stands, but I don’t have a timeline for those. I started back on my podcast, and I want to continue that, I want to take on a bit more volunteer work and do more within my community. But I also want to recognize that 2023 is going to be a toucher one for us and I want to be flexible to work around the year ahead. 

I hope that everyone has a wonderful start to the New Year! Let me know if you do a word of the year, if so, what is it? Do you have any goals for the new year? 

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Hanukkah 2022/5783

Ah, Hanukkah- the magical holiday about hope, about holding and fighting on to your beliefs, your traditions, and about having a joyous celebration for 8 long nights. It’s one of my favorite holidays and one of the few that is purely celebratory. We celebrate the Maccabees triumph, and we celebrate the miracle of the oil lasting. This year Hanukkah started this past Sunday evening and goes until Christmas Day (so our original gift giving of the first and last night is not happening this year- I’m thinking first and fourth? Who knows).

This year is a special one as it is the first year, I am going to be sharing Hanukkah in a real way. I’ve been invited into the boys’ classroom to share the holiday, as well as our local library for Storytime. It feels good, in the light of all of the rampant Jew Hatred lately, to be able to share the joy of Judaism through this holiday. To be able to share my Jewish-ness in a real way, in a way that is meaningful. 

Last year I really talked about the holiday of Hanukkah – you can read that HERE (I also talk about the Christmas-ization and the attempt of companies to profit off of Hanukkah more and more). This year, because I am teaching in a public school, I am not able to touch on any religious aspects of the holiday. This actually works out well as a) Judaism is an ethnicity before a religion (though the two are closely tied and it is technically considered and ethnoreligion) and b) Hanukkah is a minor religious holiday- not even really religious at all beyond the fact that they are praying in a temple. 

Since we aren’t fully going into the details of the celebration of Hanukkah (beyond the basic festival of lights), we are going to be leaning heavily into the traditions of the holidays and what exactly we do to celebrate.

Light the Hanukkiah

So, I think this one is pretty obvious if you know anything about Hanukkah and it’s one of the most important, key things. Every night we light one candle on the menorah celebrating every night the oil lasted. We light the candles from right to left using the Shamash (Helper) Candle. Now, a Menorah and a Hanukkiah are two different things. They are often used interchangeably- especially by non-Jews as the menorah is not as universally recognized. A Hanukkiah is specific to Hanukkah and has 8 candles plus the ninth Shamash candle (so a total of 9 candles). A menorah is a more standard 6 candles, plus a seventh helper candle (a total of 7). There is a difference, and to see a standard menorah on a Hannukah shirt bugs me. 

Every night of Hanukkah at sundown we kick the evening off with lighting the menorah, some families might light multiples) before getting down to the celebration. 

Games for Hanukkah

Another obvious one if you know anything about Hanukkah is the game of Dreidel, but maybe you don’t know the history of the game…

So back in King Antiochus’ reign, the Jews were not allowed to study Torah or practice any of their beliefs, this is all well-known knowledge at this point. However, the Jewish people have always found a way, even if it is under darkness and in total secrecy. The Torah Scholars in Antiochus’ day would quickly hide the torah scrolls and studies and pull out the spinning tops when the Greek soldiers would approach. They were “playing” not studying. Later this game would get the name “dreidel” (Yiddish for “to turn around”) and the letters on the dreidel stand for “Nes Gadol Haya Sham” or “A Great Miracle Happened Here” (I would have the appropriate Hebrew here, but Word and WordPress do not take kindly to inserting Hebrew into English- it reads different and then messes the entire document up). 

Dreidel is a fairly simple game that can descend into competitive chaos and great fun. Each side represents a different task- Nun – nothing, Shin – put one in, Hay – get half, and Gimel- get everything. Each player can start with the same amount of gelt, and then the center pot has enough gelt for each player to have one (so 6 players, the pot needs a minimum of 6 pieces- you can choose whether this comes from a separate amount or if the players put in to start). If you do not have enough gelt you can also use chocolate chips, raisins, pennies, whatever little treat. Each player gets a turn to spin the dreidel and follow the direction. Once a player runs out, they’re out! The game ends when there is only one player left with all the gelt. 

What we eat during the Holiday

I’ve actually been asked this this year and the answer is…a lot of food. Food is at the heart of the Jewish community- we show so much of ourselves, our community, our family with food. It’s one of the unspoken love languages (we will ALWAYS try to feed you or fret over food in some way). Most of our holidays have some element of food specifics- i.e., we eat a round challah on Rosh Hashanah, fasting is how we atone for our sins on Yom Kippur, we don’t eat leavened bread during Passover, I mean every holiday has some food element- whether it’s in the traditional foods or a more major atonement or guidance revolving the holiday. 

Hanukkah is no different. Most of the foods that we eat and enjoy revolve around…oil! Shocker since we are celebrating the miracle of oil and light. 

First up- latkes. Latkes are a potato pancake. Literally. That’s it. Shredded potato’s (with some other ingredients) fried in oil and then consumed with either apple sauce or sour cream- which triggers some lively debates (apple sauce for the win over here). 

You’ll also here a food called Sufganiyot, which are fried jelly filled donuts- think of it like if a beignet and a jelly donut had a baby. A delight (if you like that sort of thing) for the senses! 

Again, the main theme with both of these is that it is fried in oil. When we taste and smell the fried oil it is supposed to remind us of the miracle of the oil lasting all 8 nights. 

Most of our holiday celebrations are met with a main course of Brisket. Fun fact- brisket is the easiest of the meats to slice Kosher and it is more affordable, which is why we tend to eat it on all the holidays (it’s also delicious). 

Final- almost all Hanukkah celebrations contain some extent of Gelt. Meaning “money” (Yiddish), Gelt are wrapped chocolate coins commonly used when playing dreidel. They also signify the “gifts” that were originally given to children during Hanukkah. 

Finally, a note on gifts. 

Gifts are a fairly modern idea that mostly American/European Jews participate in, that’s right modern and only on our Western side of the continent (Israeli’s do not gift give during Hanukkah). The thought is that when Jewish families became more “mainstream” and Jewish children more integrated into our heavily Christian leading society, the idea of giving a gift during Hanukkah was introduced as a way for children to not feel “left out” in the rush of Christmas gifts. This tradition is vastly different from family to family, community to community, heck even year to year. 

Any Hanukkah questions? Leave them down below!

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Boundaries – A Holiday Moment

Oh, Holiday Season- the time of year has finally descended upon us, and we greet either two ways…or a mixture of both. We either have excitement for the coming holidays, the family time, the vacations we are bound to take, OR it’s a feeling of at best reluctance at worst outright dread. 

It’s the time of year a lot of posts start to circulate about “maintaining boundaries” and that whoever doesn’t respect your boundaries can get out, and empowerment, and such. 

And those are all very important. It IS important to set boundaries, not only for yourself but for others. And boundaries are for EVERYONE not only for those who may have strained or toxic relationships. And boundaries look DIFFERENT from person to person, relationship to relationship. 

And while we see posts about setting boundaries, maintaining boundaries, we don’t really see many posts about the realities of boundaries. We don’t see posts about how complicated this can become, how boundaries being disrespected isn’t always black and white (though we wish it was), and that sometimes hope for something better can change boundary limits. 

Because while we can cut someone out of our lives who disrespects a boundary, and I know plenty who do, and there is nothing wrong with that, it’s not always that simple in some instances. Sometimes it’s more being firm in your boundary, reaffirming it, and then moving forward. 

I’m speaking from a recent personal experience where I was very much reminded that I can do the work, I can set my own boundaries, verbalize them, work independently on myself to ensure that relationships with a high number of boundaries will work for me in a way that does not harm me, and have someone steamroll through that with a smile. It was a rude reminder that not everyone will respect, acknowledge, or believe in the work that you put in to make a relationship work all around.

Now you might be wondering from the above recent experience, why not just cut this individual off? And this is where I say it’s not always black and white. I have worked hard on myself and what I need my boundaries to be in this relationship to ensure that others can have a relationship, as others do. And I am OK with that. I have a hard line that, if crossed, the relationship will cease, but when working on boundaries I find that sometimes it’s better, for both parties, to reaffirm the boundary. 

This is why I feel like posts talking about boundaries tend to be lacking. It’s not black and white, it’s not across the board, it’s not the same thing for every person. Boundaries are so important, but it’s equally important to recognize where/what/how people choose to use those boundaries. Yes, crossing a boundary is disrespectful and wrong, but the decision on what you do when that happens can only come from you. 

So, while this is an excellent time of year to check in with yourself and your boundaries, and all those posts (and this one) might be a great affirming reminder for you to do that…remember that those boundaries are YOURS and you choose how implementing them works for you. 

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Rosh Hashanah 5783

Shanah Tovah U’metukah! Happy Jewish New Year! As Rosh Hashanah comes to a close this evening, the Ten Days of Teschuvah begin (actually they start with Rosh Hashanah and then end at Yom Kippur). This period of time is a starting off point to reflection, growth, and returning to being the best that we can be. It’s a chance to jump start your growth and goodness for the year ahead. It’s a process that is meant to be continued year-round, but specifically these ten days are spent making right with relationships and our community. 

Last year’s post is really detailed about Rosh Hashanah and what we do, how we celebrate and what my thoughts were going into the past year- all of which you can read HERE. I’ll just add a little fun fact for this year. On Rosh Hashanah we wish each other a GOOD new year, whereas in the English New Year, you with a HAPPY New Year. This can serve as a reminder that by doing good, being “good”, happiness will follow. 

I normally post my Rosh Hashanah post prior to the holiday beginning, having spent the month of Elul (the last month on the Jewish Calendar, meant as a time of deep reflection and introspection) reflecting on the year, however this year I delayed. It’s been a bit of a weird time. Nothing truly major, nothing truly bad, just a forced time of reflection that had me…not really wanting to share things. I wanted to do some deep inner work and make things right in and with myself before I felt comfortable looking forward and turning outward. 

5782 was a year full of so many highs, a few lows, and a lot of…meh. Not meh necessarily, just a lot of stressful situations that, to be honest, I could have easily avoided or saw my way out of. And I should have. I let a lot of “out of my control” things affect my own self and that is not something that I really liked about myself. It’s not something that is directly in my nature, until I’ve been pushed to a point, and there were a couple of times that I was pushed to that point (and I shouldn’t have been). 

But I’m a deep believer in something higher than us, guiding our way, and placing things in/out of our lives to continue to guide and show us the way forward. And, while 5782 held both good and bad, I feel like I really deepened my own feelings and truths about my thoughts, beliefs, and feelings about relationships. And that is how I spent my month of Elul- deep in introspection over the prior year. I’m not going to be sharing too many of those thoughts, mostly because they are private and not something I want to put out into the world. 

All that being said, I was thinking and reflecting all the way up until Erev Rosh Hashanah. I was trying to figure out where I wanted this year to take me, it’s a year of change for us after all in so many ways, and I what I felt would be best for me, my family, and our community. And when I heard that Shofar Blast, that awakening to a new year, I felt those familiar shivers and goose bumps, and something locked into place for me. It’s a new year, a Shanah Tovah (a good year), and I’m READY. 

So, what does all this really mean???

Well, I’ve got a new…word for the year- really a new mindset. I’ve always been a “find the good” kind of person, but I found that in 5782 I struggled with it a bit more than I have in the past. That may not actually be fair to say…I’ll change that thought. I focused more of my time and intentions and energy on the negative, on the toxic, than I should have, than I normally would have. That’s more accurate. 

So, in 5783 I’m choosing הַכָּרַת הַטּוֹב (Hakarat ha’tov) or quite literally “recognize the good”. I’m also choosing שִׂמְחָה (simcha) or joy. It’s simple- there is no place in my life for the toxic, for the negative, for the bad energy. I recently read a quote that really just…resonated with me and fed into this feeling of needing this to lead my year- “At this big age, I’m only interested in progress and peace. Anything that costs either has to go”- We the Urban. If it does not serve my families progress or peace, if it does not feed our joy, our lives, then it has no place. 

Now, that does not mean that bad days do not come. It does not mean that we do not struggle. In fact, this year (5783) is going to be full of challenges for our family, but it means that either I will toss out of the negativity- treat it with a light laughter, turn it into something humorous, OR I will cling to the good moments when the bad come. 

None of this is really new to me- I’ve always been someone who tries to find the good, find the happiness, in fact this is something I touched on last year when my word was “mechaye” – something that gives great joy or life. This has always been who I am, but sometimes it can get a little lost in the everyday and this is my way of bringing it back to the forefront a little more. 

Beyond that – my goals for 5783 are in flux right now. I have things that I want to accomplish, as I do every year, and I feel like this year could really be a big year for those goals. Both boys are in school, so I have a bit more free time- though I’m rapidly filling it with commitments. However, I’m trying to keep an open mind to really welcome any new opportunities that knock on our day and find new ways that I can help those around me and in my community. 

So, with all those words said…I really just want to with everyone a Shana Tovah U’metukah- I hope 5783 is everything and more. 

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As Summer Fades Into Autumn

Alternatively titled: Life Lately…

For me, Autumn starts on September 1. I’m not sure when/why I’ve picked this date, but it’s just always been there. It might have something to do with school schedules (and being on the East Coast where school does not start until after Labor Day has only solidified this) or it might be because no matter where we have lived, August has always been the worst with heat/humidity/bugs. Whatever the reason, for me “Autumn” begins tomorrow. And wow am I ready for Autumn. 

This Autumn marks a time of change, most notably that both my boys will be in school all day every day. I’ll have an empty house during the day for the first time in 6 years. It seems a bit surreal to me to be honest. Definitely a little bittersweet. As ready as we all are (and believe me, we are READY), it’s still a bit sad to think that my baby-est of boys, my little mama’s boy, is off to school. Luckily, I am volunteering within the PTO and school again so he won’t be far and the chances of me seeing him throughout the year and during the school day are high. He also attended the KinderCamp prior to school getting started and he did so well, loved every minute, and it very much added to his excitement of the start of school. 

In reality, there are a lot of other changes coming down the pipeline as Summer turns to Autumn, most of which I won’t be talking about, but it just feels like such a transition period- more so than in the past. 

I started out Summer with big plans- I wanted to journal with the kids every morning, we had an idea to our days, I had plans to only be here and there for little bits, while taking most of the time to really be present with the boys. And yet, while some of that happened, a lot of it didn’t. We went on our Summer Holiday, which was great and loved every minute, but then once we came back it was a rush to get back settled again, to get self imposed deadlines down, to re create those perfect day to days that I had dreamed, to then only throw them out the window- create playdates out of nowhere, and then strive to balance all the things I wanted to accomplish. It felt very…un summer like and definitely not like previous summers. I’m not sure what was so different, maybe it’s because this Autumn will be so different, but it just felt very short, very rushed, and very…unsatisfactory. But that’s life sometimes. 

Like Summer (you would think I would have learned, but no), I have big plans for Autumn and Winter. I’ve created a sort of overview of dates and timelines (again mostly self-imposed) that I’d like to meet and I feel like I’ll actually be able to do it. The big things are continuing regular blog posts (maybe some exciting new ones- anything you’d like to see more of?), starting up the podcast, and editing my book.

How was your Summer? What big plans do you have for the changing season?

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Romanticize Your Life

Yes, yes, I’ve fully jumped on this trend- though to be fair, I’ve always been a bit like this- treating my life as if it were a movie where I was the main character, we just have now named this trend. But I’m getting a bit ahead of myself here…

***This post is full of photos of small moments, little pockets of joy reframed in my mind with a softness, a contentment. It’s these little moments, little mundane parts of our day, such as opening the blinds, a walk to the school bus, a cup of tea in the afternoon, that can be reframed in our minds. This is where romanticizing your life can begin. It’s also the bigger moments, the bigger show- at the end of the post- as well.***

Romanticize Your Life.

I think some people hear that or see a post with that caption and think…it’s out of reach or not realistic or just adding extra time and effort to tasks. And while in some cases, yes it can be a bit of an extra effort, but it’s much easier than it maybe looks. 

That’s because the whole concept of “romanticizing your life” is more so a mindset than everything else. It’s about falling in love, being so content with the life you are currently leading (and when I say content- I don’t mean in a stagnant way- we should always grow and change). Life ebbs and flows, we go through highs and lows, but romanticizing your life is about loving your life as it’s lived, good and bad. It’s trying to view the everyday mundane things through a different lense, in a different sense. It’s taking those little moments and turning them into more, whether that’s simply by putting on some music, filming them, or turning them into a grandeur production (I’ll explain that- I promise). By romanticizing our lives, we are reminding ourselves just how special some of these mundane tasks/moments, the everyday everyday can still be special.

 

I want to be clear, for me, this DOES NOT mean that everything is sunshine, roses and daisies. It DOES NOT mean that life is simple and easy. It DOES NOT mean that I don’t have off days/off moments/deal with tough moments with the kids. It DOES NOT have to happen every second of every day. What is DOES mean for me, is that the simple act of making tea, of putting together a little fruit tray, taking care of the plants (heck even doing the dishes, folding laundry, etc.), of doing the little tasks is calming, is charming, is sweet. It gives me a better outlook- the idea that instead of HAVING to do something, I CAN do it in a way that will be better/happier for all of us. 

I do this year-round, no matter the season, but there is nothing like having these moments in the Spring or Autumn. It’s no secret that I love the transitional seasons, Autumn when the leaves start to turn and fall, and the air goes crisp and cool. Everything floods with the vibrant reds/oranges/and yellows, and big scarves, sweaters and light jackets become our attire. But also, Spring, when new life emerges, when we leave that den of Winter and step back out into the sunlight. When dresses come back into play, the air still crisp, but with a lightness of life coming back. You can romanticize your life year-round (think of those moments in Winter when the first snow hits, or the snow falls just right, OR those Summer thunderstorms, lazy days on the porch), but it’s definitely easier during the transitional seasons for me.  

So, at its basic- this is about setting a mood for yourself, your space, and your family. Some of the smaller examples of how I do this just everyday- opening the blinds when I wake up, picking particular clothing out, playing my mood setting playlists (this can be anything from a “day in the cottage” style playlist with instrumental and movie soundtracks OR hits from the early 2000’s, whatever my mood calls for). I set out certain tasks to be right away as it…” sets the scene” so to speak- so I wake up and immediately open up the blinds to let the light in. Then I pick out a playlist that meets my mood- honestly most of my morning music tends to be softer instrumental or movie soundtrack style music. Somewhere along the way I’ll switch…or not, it just depends. These two little things first thing already sets my brain into a “romantic” mood and lifts my mood and spirit. Then everything else starts to fall into place after that. When I go down to make my morning tea or coffee, I make a “production” out of choosing the perfect mug for the day, preparing my tea, and pouring the water from the kettle. When you first start doing this, if you choose to, it may feel silly, BUT as time goes on you start to find joy in these little moments and then it clicks. 

You can also bring this concept into your own living space with plants or flowers, add books and little things that make you happy to the spaces of your home. In the Spring/Summer I usually like to have some fresh flowers on our counter tops, we also have plants (obviously), and then I’ll style the coffee table genre books in our home to fill some of the “first look” spaces. Light some candles throughout your space. These can be real burning candles or the electronic ones if for some reason you can’t burn candles. Not only will the scent fill you with that same joy and peace, but the candlelight will shift your mood as well. 

I’ll give an example of one of my most frequent “bigger” ways of doing this in the spring/summer…this is something super easy but makes a world of difference. Everyday my kids want a snack in the afternoon (which is totally normal) and I usually want to join them. So, we will make a full picnic out of this little snack. Yes, it takes a fraction more effort, usually in terms of cutting, BUT it’s only a fraction and the simple joy (and excited good happy behavior as a result) that comes from this is well beyond that small effort. I’ll usually cut a couple different fruit options, some cheese/cracker/meat combination, place it all on our charcuterie tray and, weather permitting, we will head outside. I would say we do this 2-3 times a week in the summer, and it’s always met with such excitement and joy (from everyone involved) that it ends up feeling like a movie. Something about creating this little picnic just completely changes our entire day. 

Ultimately, it doesn’t take a lot to “romanticize your life”. Find the ways that you feel content, peace, and joy and implement those into your everyday. Maybe that’s the simple act of opening the blinds first thing in the morning, maybe it’s morning coffee/tea on the porch, maybe it’s an afternoon spent at the park with a picnic. Maybe it’s being more intentional with your clothing or your space. Whatever it may be, I promise you there is just such a joy and peace that comes with being so content with life as it’s lived. 

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