Sunday Evening Chat (aka supposed to be Friday Morning, but I missed it)

As moms (and parents in general), we’ve got some pressure.

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The pressure of raising a being who is entirely reliant on you. The first few years are like nothing else. A baby needing you 24/7, then a toddler demanding your sole attention at all waking hours. It seems like the days are never ending (even though they say the years are short-which they are).

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The pressure of putting on the “facade” of a “happy, beautiful mom with her happy beautiful children”. The pressure of constantly feeling “on” all the time.

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The pressure of a clean home, ready to greet visitors, friends and family alike, and then the pressure of feeding and hosting those visitors.

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The pressure of needing to do all the things for all the people all the time. Of constantly needing to feel like you are handling everything, taking care of everything and everyone. Making sure everyone is happy, healthy, and fed.

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Finally, the pressure not to complain. Not to talk about how hard it can be. To only share the good, the positive. To put a smile on and brush any problems or struggles under the rug. To talk about the problems is to be ungrateful, to be airing stuff that just shouldn’t be talked about. This is just what t is to have children and deal with it.

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Some of this pressure is just being a mom (the children are reliant on you after all and there are things that we have to do as mothers), some of this pressure just comes from who we are as a person. Some of this pressure comes from outside voices. Voices who judge us for who we are, what we do, how we handle ourselves and our family.

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All this pressure is bullshit and insane. But it’s there.

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How do we handle this pressure? How do we make sure we don’t bottle it up and let it take over bit by bit? How do we manage? How do we make sure that with all the pressure we don’t break?

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Sometimes it feels like we are balancing on a tightrope with plates and cups stacked up high on our head. One wrong step and everything comes tumbling, no crashing, down. How do you do it? How do I do it? How do any of us do it? I wonder because we all do it.

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Mid Week Meltdowns

Almost every week, like clockwork,  we have one day that is just all around rough.  A day where it just seems like both boys spend the day in tears, fighting, or just overall in a yuck mood. It has become such a part of our life, that I have coined the term “Mid Week Meltdown” to put a name on that day. Mid Week came from the fact that it is typically on a Wednesday. The exact middle of the week and both boys just go off to another world. Mid Week Meltdown days typically look something like this:

Now, we don’t experience this every single week, but it does occur quite frequently. While I don’t have a perfect way of dealing with these days, I have honed down just a couple of tips to keep myself sane, and then in turn help me help the boys out. This definitely isn’t perfect or even the best answer, but I have found that on days where nothing seems to be working, these are the things that I try to keep in mind on these days.

The first thing I try to remember is that it is just a phase/day/season. It will not stay forever. These rough days (or even full patches) are just that. They will come to an end, and both myself and our children will come through them with new tools. No matter how long the time may seem, it will resolve (or it’ll be bedtime haha).

The second thing I try to keep in mind is that my oldest is only two years old. He doesn’t possess the full vocabulary and knowledge to express everything that he is feeling/going through. Hell sometimes he can’t even truly express what he actually wants. Their brains are developing and while we can (and do) teach him, there are times when he just isn’t able to communicate what exactly it is that he needs in that moment.

What I have found in dealing with this is that alone time can be crucial. Hear me out with this one as it is an important lesson to learn, even with newborns. When the point comes (and it will come) that quite honestly NOTHING seems to be working. No tool in your toolbox is helping yourself or your kid and both of you are reaching the end of your rope, separation is key. Honestly I find that putting our oldest in his room- separating him from not only whatever it is that is causing the frustration and from me (who at this point is dwindling and holding on by a single piece of hair) solves a lot of the issue. We both have a chance to cool down, me in the quiet, him in the sanctuary of his own space, and just a few minutes later we re unite and are actually able to talk (and hug) and all is right again.

I don’t treat this as a time out. He has had time outs before and with those his toys are picked up off the floor in his room and he has a set period of time. This is more of a comfort time. Where he just needs the sanctuary of his own space where he can just take a moment to collect himself. We all need this time, even as adults.

Now, heading to rooms and walking away is not the first choice. It is not something I do right off the bat. I usually try and work with our oldest and see if we can work together to figure out whatever is causing the problem. However there are times where the only thing that will really work is him going into his room and take a little break. When these times come, I am more than happy to let him go into his room, his sanctuary, and take a moment to himself. 90% of the time he takes a couple of minutes, calms down, and it’s as if nothing ever happened. We have some squeezes, a kiss and off we go to play.

Have you experienced a meltdown? What are your tips?

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Sharing is Caring…Right?

We have encountered a new “fun” problem in our home With a new mobile, very determined 7.5 month old and a stubborn, also very determined 2 year old this issue was bound to pop up sooner or later, it was just a matter of when…and over what toy.

Enter the toy (two toys actually)…the Little People farm animals from Fisher Price and a Thomas the Train train set (which yes, I know is a potential choke hazard – Littlest didn’t actually end up playing with them). One child peacefully, blissfully playing with a toy. Second child spots said toy. All chaos ensues because a temper tantrum is perfect at 9AM and we are only just entering the realm of sharing- our oldest is only just encountering the idea of sharing his toys.

I knew this day would come. I know playtime will sometimes be such sweet blissful moments of them playing together and there will sometimes be blow ups and tantrums over who had what toy and how to play. I couldn’t predict what would set it off, I didn’t know how we would handle it or what would work for the boys. What I do know is that sharing has now become a part of playtime for the past week or so.

Most of the time a simple “No, your brother is playing with that, why don’t you play with (insert toys across the room)” seems to do the trick. If they both are super determined to play with that same toy, we have a “divy it up” system, where one boy picks one part and the other picks a different part. Example: the Little People, we split up the animals. Sometimes they fight over the barn, but typically it is just the animals. By dividing the toys, they actually end up being able to play well together.

For those times neither of those works? Well, you’ve got me there. Most of the time there is an underlying cause that is causing the temper tantrum and once we can figure that out, things are good to go. If there isn’t, then it just has to be cried out. Sometimes our children just need to cry and as much as that may be irritating to us as parents, it’s what they need and I let it happen – even if it means they go to their room and do it while I enjoy a cup of tea in the living room.

How did you handle sharing? WE are still so new to this sharing/fighting bit that we are still learning and navigating the ropes.

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