Sunday Evening Chat (aka supposed to be Friday Morning, but I missed it)

As moms (and parents in general), we’ve got some pressure.

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The pressure of raising a being who is entirely reliant on you. The first few years are like nothing else. A baby needing you 24/7, then a toddler demanding your sole attention at all waking hours. It seems like the days are never ending (even though they say the years are short-which they are).

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The pressure of putting on the “facade” of a “happy, beautiful mom with her happy beautiful children”. The pressure of constantly feeling “on” all the time.

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The pressure of a clean home, ready to greet visitors, friends and family alike, and then the pressure of feeding and hosting those visitors.

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The pressure of needing to do all the things for all the people all the time. Of constantly needing to feel like you are handling everything, taking care of everything and everyone. Making sure everyone is happy, healthy, and fed.

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Finally, the pressure not to complain. Not to talk about how hard it can be. To only share the good, the positive. To put a smile on and brush any problems or struggles under the rug. To talk about the problems is to be ungrateful, to be airing stuff that just shouldn’t be talked about. This is just what t is to have children and deal with it.

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Some of this pressure is just being a mom (the children are reliant on you after all and there are things that we have to do as mothers), some of this pressure just comes from who we are as a person. Some of this pressure comes from outside voices. Voices who judge us for who we are, what we do, how we handle ourselves and our family.

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All this pressure is bullshit and insane. But it’s there.

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How do we handle this pressure? How do we make sure we don’t bottle it up and let it take over bit by bit? How do we manage? How do we make sure that with all the pressure we don’t break?

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Sometimes it feels like we are balancing on a tightrope with plates and cups stacked up high on our head. One wrong step and everything comes tumbling, no crashing, down. How do you do it? How do I do it? How do any of us do it? I wonder because we all do it.

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Summer Vacation 2018 : Canada

We started a tradition last year that every year we would take one week in the summer to go somewhere we’ve never been, rent a cabin on a lake (preferably, but just a cabin works too), and disconnect. Somewhere without phone service, somewhat secluded, where we can focus solely on each other and ourselves. Last year we went to Maine and it was a whopping success. This year we decided to take it one step further and head out of the country and up to Canada. It did not disappoint. 

We decided at the outset of this trip that we were going to travel “easy”. We weren’t going to rush getting to places, we weren’t going to wake up super early just to drive somewhere, but rather just truly take our time with everything. This is key because what is the point of vacation if you are just rushing to get to places. How are you supposed to truly enjoy yourself?

We got off to a little rough start with some car trouble, but sorted it out early enough into the trip (and without any trips to any car places) that it did not impact our traveling or trip in any major way. We decided to split the 9-10 hour drive up into two days and our first stop was Syracuse NY. After a full night of sleep, in which Colton got to sleep in a “big” bed for the first time, we headed for the border. 

I have to say that part of America is absolutely beautiful. A lot of farm country, water, and a large area with not a lot of people. Crossing into the border was easy enough and after a few short hours, we were pulling into the driveway of the cabin we rented (found on AirBnB). 

I cannot even begin to describe how beautiful this location was. I’ve always heard of places being described as “picturesque”, and here we were, staying in the most picturesque location! I cannot talk about it enough, just perfection. The cabin itself was really well set up as well for what we were needing, and every wall facing the lake had a window in it. You literally never did not have a view of the water (except the boys room, which had a driveway window). I fell in love with the spot almost instantly.

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Our first full day in Canada we spent exploring the Capital area of Ottowa. We strolled along Parliament Hill, I got to go to a Chapters (yes I was excited over a bookstore, what can I say?), and we soaked up the beautiful weather and scenery. This was on our list of places and the only place that we actually wanted to go to. I love seeing different countries architecture and government, and while we missed our chance to actually go in to Parliament (which turned out to be a blessing in disguise as Parliament wasn’t sitting on that holiday), the pamphlet had a pretty good rundown. 

The second two days we spent at the cabin, just soaking up the lake, relaxing in the sunshine and just spending some uninterrupted time together. The boys got to “stretch their legs” and run wild and do things they hadn’t done before. They went fishing with Daddy, went on a short little canoe trip, got to see a snapping turtle, frogs, geese, and fish up close and personal. They loved their time there, which made the whole trip even better. 

 

 

For us, we got some much much needed time alone together. It is so important to carve out that time to be with your partner and it is not something that we do enough of. It is so easy to let life interrupt anytime that you have and this vacation gave us a chance to connect and talk and spend that uninterrupted time together that we have been needing. We also got a chance to have a little time to ourselves individually. My husband got to get up early and get some good fishing done (seriously the fishing there was incredible!) and I got to sit by the water and do some yoga and reading. 

After 4 blissful days it was time to pack up and head out, this time to Cooperstown NY. My husband is a huge baseball fan, and while he has been to Cooperstown before, he went during Hall of Fame week and wanted to have a chance to enjoy it without the hoards of people. It was “on our way” back, so we figured we would stop for a day or two. 

Let me tell you, Cooperstown is not for the casual baseball fan. It is for the die hard, to the core, true baseball fan. Casual fans will enjoy it, but it may get a little monotonous at times. They are baseball 100% and you better be there for it. I like baseball well enough to watch it, support my husbands love of the sport, and watch my children fall in love with it. I wouldn’t say I know everything about it, or even necessarily care to know every little thing about it (as this was proved throughout the day and a half we were there). I enjoyed walking through the Hall of Fame and seeing all of the history of the sport and teams. I enjoyed seeing the Astros in their rightful place at the top. I loved the feel of the town, the look of all the houses, the little bakeries and shops on Main St, and I suppose all of the baseball wasn’t too bad. 

Our boys both seem to be following daddy’s footsteps with a love of baseball (although it is still early days yet lol) and they really enjoyed just being able to walk around and watch the other kids play baseball around them. 

Overall this trip was an overwhelming success! We came back feeling refreshed, re charged, connected, and relaxed. We loved seeing the new places and sharing some new experiences together. I’ll treasure the memories and moments that we make on these trips forever. 

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Real Talk: “Fall”-ing Into a Routine

We are nearing the end of that Summer Bliss and heading in to the reality of schedules and routines. Whether you have children that are going to back to school, you yourself are going back to school or your own Summer holiday from work has come to an end, Fall always comes around with a need to get back into “the swing of things”. I am going to be doing different posts in the coming weeks all about routines, schedules, prioritizing and what not, but I wanted to have a real talk post starting this all off. 

Let’s be honest, having a schedule can always help, no matter what stage of life you are in. Not only does it give you a chance to be more productive, it can also help you feel a little more organized. More organized, less frazzled is always a good thing. Life has a habit of creeping in and even the most organized of people can become really busy and then a little frazzled. Instead of letting that busy-ness get to you in a way where you start dropping the ball, it’s better to have some sort of system, routine, planner, something to help you so when it seems like life is too busy, you still have what you need to keep things together. It won’t stop life from being busy, but it will help you from feeling off kilter when things become busy. 

With all of that being said, having a schedule or a routine can be really hard and it can be really hard to stick to. Life gets busy (have I mentioned that yet?!) and when it gets busy, we tend to just let go, free fall, and just go for a ride. It is really important that when things get busy, we still try to maintain some semblance of a schedule. It will help keep your mind straight when you are too busy to think and it will help you not drop the ball on any important things coming up. It’s definitely the harder choice, so much easier to just let go and ride the busy wave, but it is so much more worth it. 

For me personally, having a schedule or routine helps me not only accomplish everything that I want to accomplish, but also helps me prioritize and really look at what I can and cannot do everyday. I can clearly see where my time is going and what I am regularly able to accomplish, along with what I can’t or maybe need help with. This has allowed me to be much calmer and more willing to ask for help or let something slide off the list for the week. Most days I don’t end the day wondering what I’ve even done (although there are still some of those), I end them saying I’ve done xy&z and still need to do a&b. 

Do you have a routine or a schedule? How about a to-do list? How do you plan on tackling coming back from vacation or back into the school routine? 

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Friday Morning Cups

Screen Shot 2018-05-08 at 12.04.43 PM.jpg“I want adventure in the great wide somewhere, I want it more than I can tell” It’ll be quite silent around here as I am going to take a little break away from everything and really focus on family and our special little alone time together. We take about a week or so every year to just re connect, be away from everything, and just get back in tune with each other, with ourselves, and with the outdoors. I also don’t know if we will have wireless or not, which I’m very excited about. To be completely disconnected from the phone and technology is quite a thrilling concept for me. Don’t worry, I’ll be back soon and better than ever!

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One Small Act

There used to be a commercial on TV (it may still be on- I’m not really sure) that had a whole sequence of people doing kind acts for each other. It went through and said so and so did this for so and so who then did this for so and so and on and on. It cycled through about 7 instances and after each, the person would smile and do an act of kindness for the next person who needed it. Seems like a common occurrence (or common decency) in our everyday, right?

Wrong.

I have to say, somewhere along the way of the past few years we’ve really lost our sense of kindness towards others. Our sense of compassion. 

Maybe it’s the state of the world we live in. Maybe it’s sensationalized news stories. Maybe we are all just too wrapped in ourselves, our lives, our things and our technology. I don’t know. All I know is I don’t see many of those little acts of kindness anymore. 

I’m tired of making excuses for this lack of kindness. It’s not something we do intentionally, but the rationalization that we give for poor behavior is insane. The whole “maybe they are just having a bad day” or “Well there is obviously more than meets the eye” is unacceptable. Maybe you are having a rotten day or something else is going on, but it doesn’t give an automatic get out of being kind card. 

I want to bring kindness and compassion back. I want to start seeing people pull away from their own lives and be drawn into the world. Stop and say hello to someone. Offer a seat. Come out of your own little bubble, your own life and look around you. Is someone in need of help? It could be as simple as holding a door, or offering directions. It may be more complex. Whatever it may be, that person will remember and thank you for the kindness you showed. That may have been all they needed to put a smile on their face. Or, they may not appreciate it at all. They may grumble and just move on. Honestly it shouldn’t matter what their reaction will be. In the end, you will feel better and more connected to what is going on around you.

I want to challenge you to find a couple ways to show kindness (and compassion) in your everyday. I know I will be. 

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Friday Morning Cups

IMG_6872 3.JPGI’ve been trying to think of a good caption for this photo. One that would accurately represent all the things I want to say. Truth is…I don’t have that caption. I don’t have all of the words (and if I did it would make for a really long caption). What I do have is this: This was a shot from a few weeks ago. When I was overwhelmed. When everything just kept triggering. It was a rough night- Probably the roughest I’ve experienced yet as a mother. This is just one image of what being a survivor is. There are numerous smiling happy pictures to match our numerous smiling days. I’ve never shown this side (just like I’ve never spoken publicly about my past), the tough moments. The times when I’m curled up in a ball, just trying to breathe. Just acknowledging what is and what was. Being a survivor, healing, forgiving, moving forward doesn’t mean that all those memories, all those reactions and fears go away. Those are still (and always will be) very much there in your body and memory. And some days will look like this. Some days will bring you to your knees, but not all of the days. And as you continue to heal, continue to move forward those days will become fewer and fewer. 

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A Peak Into My Past

I have never shared this story publicly. I have never talked about this part of my past with anyone, outside of a couple of close friends and family. All of my healing has been done privately, in and out of therapy. Figuring out what works for me and how I would even begin to piece my life back together after the rug was pulled out from under me almost 16 years ago. I’ve finally reached a peaceful place in my life, partly due to finding love in someone else, partly finding the ability to love myself. The biggest part of my peace being the forgiveness I have given. 

Finding the peace within myself has allowed me to reach a point where I want to talk with and help others. When I first entered therapy I had sworn that once I had made my own peace, I would help others in any way that I could. I thought it would be something that I could do within a little bit of time and then I could get to helping others and speaking about this trauma that simply isn’t spoken about. Here I am 12 years later, only just now feeling like I can share this story. Only just now feeling that peace, that urge to share, and finally being comfortable enough to share. Finally at the point where I really feel like I can help others. Help them find their healing, help them see the light at the end of the tunnel. To be that person that I needed.

I’ll get into more of that at another time, but I want to give you my story. I want to publicly share the part of my past that I’ve never shared before. You may have read this already, if you read the linked article in Friday’s post, but I wanted to address it here. Directly on my blog. So, here we go…IMG_4702

I was emotionally abused for 10+ Years and physically abused everyday for 7 of those years (everyday for 5, off and on for 2) by a parent. The person who was supposed to be my guide, my champion, supposed to be everything, was instead my tormentor. I went through my childhood with the expectation of perfection placed on me (and criticized, put down, insulted if not) and my adolescent years with an unthinkable amount of fear. Child abuse is not just being scared, it is a traumatic event that changes everything. Everything about you, everything about your life, and everything about everyone you come into contact with. 

Before I even had the opportunity to have a voice, it was taken away from me. Before I could even understand what was truly right and wrong, what I wanted to be or do, what true happiness could be, I knew what fear was. Not just being scared of something, but true fear. True terror. In some ways I can’t put to words what I was feeling, but in other ways it is crystal clear. 

As I said to start this post, I have reached a good space. A space where I can handle the tough moments, when all of those emotions, fears, and moments come back. I feel like I am at that light at the end of the tunnel, when you know that the tunnel is coming to an end, but there is still a bit of darkness. It has been a long and tough road to get here, and it is a road that will continue for the rest of my life. I have also recognized that having gone through this, having worked through it, and having come out on the other side, I am a better person for that. I am a better wife, mom, a better person all together. 

I want to end this by saying that I will be starting to talk more about trauma, child abuse, and dealing with both of these factors a little more frequently on my blog. There will still be plenty of my usual happy go lucky content (as I am that happy go lucky, keep all things cosy, find the silver lining kinda girl), but I want to start sharing more of my story. I find that Childhood Trauma and Abuse is a topic that doesn’t seem to get enough attention (unless it is a major event) and it is something that is more common than we think. 

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Friday Morning Cups

IMG_6413This morning is kind of a special morning. I am sharing something that I have NEVER spoken about “publicly”. I’ve told a small amount of family, a couple of close friends and that is about it. I’ve never spoken about this publicly as I’ve never felt like I was in a good place to really talk about it. I think once you read the linked blog post, you will understand. I will talk more about this in a future blog post, but since this has been published, I want to share with you.

The truth is…it has taken me 10 years to get to this point. To get to a point that I was truly ready to talk about this, to share my story, to help others. 10 years to feel like I have finally reached a point in my healing and recovery that I can actually help others go through it, get through it, and come out the other side. I will be slowly starting to introduce this topic into this blog and my own social media.

Click HERE to read the post.

Thank you for reading.

Mia

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Halfway Through 2018!

Good afternoon! It’s been a while since I just sat down and chatted/talked life updates with you! I figured now would be a good time since we are halfway through the year, coming off an extra serious month of blog posts last month, and a good time to take a minute, pour a cup of tea and just let everything out. 

It’s been a crazy time in our home. From dealing with both boys going through hard phases, husbands schedule picking up a little bit, work heading back into busy, I’m over here just trying to be the glue holding all of the pieces together. Being the glue has kind of always been up my alley, but this has become a whole new level. This weekend being the perfect example of what I mean. 

Husband had the first major paper of his class due, I had the start of the month planning, and the boys were both going through some crazy phase that involved a lot of whining and very little sleep. With all of that, my plans went out the window and I played the do whatever it takes to get through the weekend without losing my mind game. Mostly my weekend consisted of running from one situation to the other, keeping us all “in the game” of getting stuff done, and trying not to let the house get too destroyed. Some weekends are harder than others.

When being the glue takes up all of my time, it can be difficult to feel that “weekend relaxation vibe”, so I took the little bits of time I could to take a little breather. I did get to get a couple hours to myself to go window shopping and walking while the boys napped (and hubs stayed home with them) as well as a bit of yoga in one morning. I tried to make that morning Yoga flow a little bit longer and more focused than normal to try and kick any residual “keep it together blues”.  

In the midst of everything going on, we did manage to catch a couple of family moments, as well as look at what the next couple months will be like. I am a future planner and with it being a new quarter, I want to see how we stand for the next couple of months. 

It’s hard to believe that we are already halfway through 2018! I feel like I’ve had such a good start to this year and for once, all of my intentions are still going strong 6 months in. I haven’t faltered on any goal I’ve set yet, and have even set a couple new goals to help keep the year going. We’ve got an action packed rest of the year, and I can’t wait to talk about it and share it! 

I’ve got some fun posts coming up for this month to try and lighten things up from all of the serious life talk that’s been going on and I’ve got a really good feeling about July. Minus the heat (which right now at least is a killer), it is full of possibilities!

***There will not be a blog post up on Wednesday due to the Independence Day Holiday. I’m taking the full day to just be with family and friends and celebrate. Enjoy!

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A Ramble on: Confidence

Ever see those people who seemingly just don’t care what people think? Who go about life so self assured and comfortable with who they are? Wonder what they were doing to get to that point?

They weren’t always that way. 

Confidence is something that is gained as you grow into yourself. And as you face new experiences, new life moments, new risks you grow more confident in yourself. And better yet, those people that you think are just so self confident, still have moments of insecurity. You can also be confident in some areas of your life, and not so confident in other areas. You can be solid in yourself, but maybe a new change has happened to cause that confidence to waver.

Sometimes it just takes some time to get to (or get back to) that moment of “I know who I am, I know what I believe, and who cares what others think of me”. Because with confidence comes a freeing moment of not caring. Of letting go of what others think of you. Of saying, who gives a damn.

For me, I started to feel really good about myself just after High School (aka just as I fully hit my stride in recovery). I thought I knew what I wanted in life, how I was going to achieve what I wanted, and who I was. I met my husband, and things really started to click in place even more. Then we had our first boy. While something in me clicked when I became a mother, my confidence in myself was still a little shaken. My confidence in my ability to do everything that I wanted to do. To be a good wife, a good mom, a good person. To manage all the things. 

Then, I hit my stride again and became confident as a new mom. I got everything down and my confidence was on the upswing and we had our second boy. Instead of my confidence wavering, I knew. I believe in myself. I was confident in myself, my choices, in every aspect relating to being myself. 

Something to remember: Even when you have that self confidence, when you have that process of letting go what people think of you, there are still moments. Moments where you question yourself. Moments where you wonder, what do people think about you. 

But trust in the process. Trust in yourself. Trust in the fact that when you get through whatever has caused that wavering, that that will just be one more thing to have overcome. You’ll come out the other end more confident and having learned something new about yourself. 

I’m glad that I can say that I am finally, 100%, at that point. I have found my voice. I have found the confidence in myself, in what I believe, in what I am doing that I can say that there is not much that can tear me down. That took a lot of work to get to and you better believe I am not letting go of that any time soon. Do I still have moments of weakness, of caring what people think of me? Kind of. It’s hard for me to say that I will never question myself, but I have reached a point in my life where there are just so many other things to do and think about.

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