Real Talk: Holiday Stress

Oh the Holidays. The most wonderful time of year. Maybe.

I like to think that there are three categories of people around this time of year.

Category A) The Grinch. The one’s who enjoy making a mockery or being in a sullen mood this time of year. This DOES NOT include folks that are actually depressed this time of year or who take the holidays especially hard due to family loss or personal loss. I could not even begin to empathize with that and if you are someone who has a tough time with holidays, I am so incredibly sorry. This are those people who are just grinches in good form. My husband is a member of this category (although he is getting better now that we have children).

Category B) The jolly go with the flow-er (think Cindy Lou Who’s dad). This category is for those who just go with what the holiday season brings. They want everything to be perfect, but know that it will be perfect because that is just what it is. They don’t stress over decorations, over baking, over making everything perfect and just enjoy the holiday season for what it is.

Category C) The Mayor of Who-Ville. This is the category that I think a fair amount of people fall into. The one’s who stress about having everything just so, who want to be able to have all the cookies, who want to buy everyone the perfect gifts, who want to capture all the smiles on camera. Those who want Christmas dinner to taste beyond amazing.

I think most of us fall somewhere in between Category B and Category C (with maybe a few more in the Stressful Category C). The holidays can be stressful and they coincide with the end of the year, which depending on what you do can be stressful in itself. The idea of getting all of the gifts, everything wrapped and hidden from prying eyes, making sure that everyone gets their Christmas cards, that everything is planned for Christmas eating and THEN to go back and plan a whole bunch more for New Years can set anyone’s head spinning.

I am here today to tell you to STOP.

This whole trap of making everything perfect during the Holidays is a dangerous one that can leave us forgetting the whole point of the Holidays. Setting aside any religious aspects, the whole point of the Holidays (at least for me) is being with family. Seeing and being with family trumps anything else that can happen. The whole idea of being present in the moments when my children see the Christmas tree light up for the first time that year. Or seeing their faces Christmas morning when they come out to sugary treats (usually Cinnamon Rolls, Pancakes, or Waffles) and the excitement of a present or two for them to open.

If we spend our time stressing about gifts, wrapping, cooking, etc, we lose sight of the important moments. Honestly, your children will not care if the tree is absolutely perfect, they will not care if you do not make every type of cookie that you wanted. What they will remember and care is that Mommy or Daddy were not there. They weren’t smiling and laughing with them. If you are working yourself into stress, or panic over getting everything accomplished, let something go. It will not ruin your overall Holiday.

So, if you are heading into the next couple of months stressing, let it go. Let whatever is going on go and remember what the Holidays are really about.

 

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If You Could Do Anything…

IMG_7190.jpgI’m curious…if you could do anything, anything at all, what would you do? What is it that your soul yearns for? What is that you want to do, above all else.

Say the stars aligned right now, money, time, family, nothing was getting in the way of you chasing your dream…

What does that look like for you? Is there a way to make some version of that happen?

For me, my dream is two fold.

First, I would love to have a little book shop in a little town that offered walls and shelves lined with books, a little café with some tea and baked good offerings. Somewhere where anyone could find a small comfort, friendship, a safe space to just sit for a spell.

But I also want to do MORE with life (not that owning my own place wouldn’t be more). I want to inspire. I want to create a space for people to just not feel alone. To feel like there is someone else out there who gets it. I love to write. I love to write blog posts, to write short stories, and I’ve loved the beginning process of writing my book.

For years, I dreamed. I constantly thought about what I wanted to do, made plans, made goals for a future that I could have. For ways that I could live a life that I loved and was passionate about beyond being a wife and a mom (which were always dreams).

I’ve managed to live out my dreams in a way. To find a way to bring my passion, what sets my soul in place, to fruition. Now, I don’t own a bookstore, but I do share and talk about books over on The Cosy Book Shoppe. It was also an online store for a little while. Through that I’ve created a book community with the blog, the Youtube vlogs, and our book club. AND I’ve got this blog. This blog that allows me to share little bits of myself with others. To hopefully help others with my stories, my insights, my day to day.

So, to come full circle with my original question, is there a way for you to live out your dream, now? What is holding you back? Is it time? Is it family? Is it funding? Is it fear? Is it not knowing what exactly it is that you dream of? Is it dreaming of so much that you don’t even know where to start? What is it that is stopping you?

Tell me, what do you dream of doing and what is stopping you from doing it?

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Personal Development Book Challenge: Update 1

Good morning! You may remember at the beginning of last month, I posted about doing a Personal Development book challenge. I asked for recommendations and boy did yall give me some! You can see that original blog post HERE.

Today I am going to share the books that I picked out of the recommendations, as well as share my thoughts on the two that I have read so far.

The Books that I picked:

I picked a total of 5 as that is what I think is a reasonable amount to give me a jumping off spot. There were a couple that, to be honest, I had no interest in based on what I know or have read about them, but the few that I did pick I was excited about.

  1. Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
  2. The Book of Awesome by Neil Pasricha
  3. Mastering Your Mean Girl by Melissa Ambrosini
  4. Boss Bitch by Nicole Lapin
  5. The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor

As of writing this first update, I have read Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert and I am halfway through The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor. So far, I am finding that a lot of Personal Development books are about taking what you want to take from them and discarding everything else.

Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert (the same person who wrote Eat, Pray, Love) is about not letting fear get in your way in the realm of creativity. I’m going to be honest, there were parts of this book that I rolled my eyes at. That is just on a personal level, but on the whole I actually did take some things away from the points she was making. The biggest take away being, to create as if no one is consuming. I have a major fear of failure (one that gets in the way of me accomplishing a lot of things I think I could) and while I try to practice the whole “Dance as if no one is watching” it was something to realize how much I wasn’t doing that. So, a good one for the challenge and a book that on the whole I think is good.

I’m currently (as of writing this) halfway through The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor. I’m going to be brutally honest here, this book is a bit of a letdown. I’m applying the concept of take what you take, discard the rest and I’m not really taking much away from it. It’s a bit cold in reading it, a bit scientific. It vaguely reminds me of Quiet (however I loved that book), but not in a good way. So far it is listing quite a few studies and finding of things that I already know. I’m only halfway through, so we will see if it goes up from here. I think this one (and The Book of Awesome) may have been one of my tops from my list and so I think that is playing into my disappointment level as well.

So, that is my first update! I will try to update every couple books or so until I finish them. I may continue on here and there to talk about books that I am reading in future posts as well.

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What I Ate – December 2018

Good morning! It’s the start of December and the Holiday season is rapidly approaching! I wanted to kick things off with a little “What I Ate” post. I plan on doing a post towards the end of the month of all of our little holiday treats that we’ve made, bought, and eaten over this year’s holiday season, but I figured a good place to start would be what my staples are right now.

Unfortunately with the lettuce situation going on, I haven’t been able to eat a salad in a little while. I’m sure that Romaine Lettuce is ON THE WHOLE safe to consume, but since they can’t identify the source of the contamination, and so I am following suite with the recommendations set forth and not eating it (insert crying face…). I’ve tried to adjust a little bit with other options at this point.

IMG_8244Lately for breakfast I’ve been really sticking with my scrambled eggs. I make 2-3 (depending on whether my boys want some) and I scramble them up and add some pepper in while they are cooking up. I pair this with some fresh raspberries and if I’m feeling extra hungry, a bit of challah bread. This is not an everyday thing though.

 

 

IMG_8300For lunch, instead of salads, I’ve switched back to sandwiches. I used to eat these a lot, and it’s been nice to get back to them a little more. I don’t really like to have a lot of “normal” things on my sandwiches, but they taste delicious. On this sandwich, I’ve got mayonnaise, shredded Colby Jack cheese, Oven Roasted Turkey, and Tomatoes. This week I’ve done something different, for me at this point at lease, and have gone for a  serving of chips. I stopped eating chips, but I really just wanted to have some with the holidays. It’s strange, but I stuck with the serving suggestion and it wasn’t too bad. (Side note- the bag of chips is now gone I always forget how crap I feel after eating junk food until I’ve eaten it).

I want to also share this other find that I’ve been reaching for around lunchtime, or as a side for our dinner…the Alexia Cauliflower Risotto. They have two options (that I’ve seen) for the Cauliflower base, White Cheddar and regular. I’ve tried both and they are both delicious! I highly recommend them.

IMG_6576For Dinner, we had a special treat on this particular evening! My husband decided that he wanted to cook up some steaks and that turned into him taking over the entire meal. He is a pretty good cook as it is, and when he decides to cook dinner it is always wonderful! This evening we had venison steaks with a lovely marinade (I don’t have the brand right on hand, I’ll share when we get it again- so good!). To go along with it we had some baked potatoes ( a healthier version), and some steamed veggies. I also grabbed a bit of challah to top everything off. Pictures does not do this meal justice- absolutely delicious!

I didn’t share my drinks with you on this post, as they are pretty much the same as last time. I stick with water and tea throughout the day and then on occasion (once or twice a month) I’ll have a soda.

There you’ve got it! What I ate in a day this past week. I hope that you enjoyed!

 

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Round The Kettle Ep. 5: A New Tradition

Good afternoon! Oy, It’s been a weekend. A weekend full of wonderful memories that were only created because I chose to not a semi unexpected turn of events affect all of the fun we had planned. After an early (think 4:30AM) phone call calling my husband in to work Saturday Morning, any plans that we did have for the weekend that involved both of us or him in some way went out the window. This isn’t a bad thing (a bummer yes, but ultimately there was only one major thing that ended up having to be postponed) and we made the best of the turn of our weekend.

So, how are you??? Are you ready for December? Ready for the Holidays? Ready for the <gasp> New Year???

How is it already December? The year is starting to wind down and we’ve got a very busy month ahead! I’ve been trying to do some forward planning to lighten the load of December a little bit as it has now become apparent just HOW MUCH is going to be happening this month for us.

We start the month with getting everything sorted for the Holidays. I like to get gifts, cookies, and any plans for the actual holiday sorted as early as possible, so that when that last week comes around it isn’t as stressful and we can just enjoy everything that the holidays really offer.

Then we have back to back family visits, along with different appointments, and a car drop off (to ship my car overseas!!!). Once Christmas hits, it’s a final countdown to getting the things that aren’t being shipped packed away and preparing our house and items for the movers to come and pack everything up.

This weekend we are doing a fun little thing that I am starting to actually do every year. I should clarify, I bake loads every year, all throughout the year. I love to have fresh baked something, whether that’s bread, cookies, pie, cheesecake, whatever. It’s just a nice little thing that I enjoy doing and love to be able to offer.

This year though, I want to start dedicating the first weekend in December as “Mrs. Claus Visits” Weekend in our home. Everyone talks about the big guy, Santa Claus, but Mrs. Claus is like that grandma that always has cookies to offer and is full of warmth. I’d love to represent for her and bring a little warmth to start off the month.

So, “Mrs. Claus Visits”…what is it going to be? Well, it’s a weekend full of baking, love, hot cocoa and that good ole cheer that you feel when it’s FINALLY December 1st. Christmas starts to feel real and I want to start doing this every year.

So, we will be spending our Saturday in the Kitchen. I’ll be detailing more about our Holiday treats in an upcoming post, but it’s safe to say that I’m really excited about this. Between a Saturday spent baking and a Sunday afternoon spent being pampered I think this might be the best weekend I’ve had in a long while. It certainly is setting me up for a successful busy December.

How do you handle the Holidays and this busy time of year? What do you do to keep your head level and your mind straight on track?

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A Mother’s Take on Toddlerhood (While In The Thick of It)

As of writing this post, our boys are aged 2 months shy of 3 years old and 16 months. So, right smack in the middle of what Toddlerhood is. While each age comes with unique challenges, I think toddlerhood can sometimes get an especially bad rep. When you hear from other parents talking about their experience, I’ve heard toddler and teenage years can be some of the hardest years. Personally, I think toddlerhood is just very mis understood. Not in a bad way, it can be so hard for us to understand as it has been years since we went through it and we don’t remember it. I think this may have been one of the most important shifts in thinking when it comes to parenting.

***I’ve touched slightly on an outline of what I will be saying, which can be viewed HERE***

As parents when our kids are acting out, misbehaving, throwing temper tantrum after temper tantrum, it is very easy to become flustered. Happens to the best of us, and it is completely normal to just want to throw your hands in the air and walk away. AND sometimes that is the best thing to do. Sometimes that can be the key to diffusing whatever the situation is.  It can be easy to lose our patience as we ask for the toys to be picked up for the fourteenth time, or to not play with the food, or to not touch something. It can be so draining to feel like you are just repeating yourself with no action or apparent listening. I think this is why people say toddler hood is tough.

And it is.I am not disputing the fact that parenting one toddler, let alone two, or three is tough. It is draining. (Make sure that you take care of yourself during this time, otherwise everything I say after this point will not work)

BUT(gotta love those buts right?!)…

If we think it is hard on us as parents, think about how hard it is on our children. They are being thrust into a whole new level of mental development, they are growing physically, they are trying to figure out how to navigate the world that just seems to be getting bigger and scarier. They are trying to figure out what are boundary lines, what they can and can’t do. How to articulate their feelings, hell what they are feeling. They are working on developing better communication skills and most of the time are bursting with things to say, things to do, places to see, parents/grandparents/relatives/friends to remember. ALL AT THE AGE OF 2.

Can you blame them for getting frustrated with not being able to say something, or talk about something that they really want to tell you, but they just don’t have all the words? Can you blame them when all they want to do is find the toy that they hid from themselves in a game? Or try to put the train tracks together a certain way and it’s just not working?

Imagine feeling angry about something, not being able to understand first that you are feeling angry and then second how to tell someone what you are feeling angry about? That is frustrating. Then imagine, as you are getting frustrated and angry, you see your parent, loved one, person you look up to, start to get frustrated. It escalates quickly (and again, it happens to all of us from time to time, no doubt about it).

Our children get thrust into this world and it is our responsibility as parents to help them, to guide them, as they learn. We cannot do that if we don’t at least try to understand what they must be going through. What we see as well, he’s angry about x, y, or z, is not what they see. They just have all of these things building up inside with no way to let them out. We only know that because we’ve learned that as we’ve grown up.

So, before you talk about the terrible two’s or the threenagers, try and think about what your children are experiencing. Sure, parenting is hard work. It is tough and draining. BUT think about what it is like through your child’s eyes, without having all of the knowledge that we as parents (or adults) now have.

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Time Management : My Daily Breakdown

I’ve been talking about Time Management for a couple of posts now and wanted to give an example of how I apply what I’ve been talking about to my own days/weeks/months. It may seem complicated, but it actually isn’t. I just treat most of my tasks as “jobs” that I have to complete everyday. I also do have a part time job that I work the same hours for everyday. I find that I need to have a bit of structure to my days as I work from home and so this is what I do.

To start with: I use a paper planner (insert gasp here). If you’ve been following along this past year, you will know that I am a pen and paper kinda girl and prefer to write things down. It’s a kink in my brain that I just remember and feel more organized when I can write something out. I personally use and love the Day Designer planner system. There is a spot for me to mark out my time during the day, along with a daily to do list, top three priority list, and a couple other little boxes. I’ve got the perfect amount of room. I’ve used the Flagship for 2018 and loved it, although I am thinking about getting a mini for 2019.

The first thing I do is write down my to do list. I color code everything based on what it is for. Each color represents something different, household chores, appts, blog, business, work, etc. I put EVERYTHING on my to do list. Not because I need reminded of it, not because I want to feel “busier” than I am, but simply for the satisfaction of having checked it off. I won’t forget to dust the Living room on Tuesday by any means, but I like to keep track of everything that I am doing. It’s also key when you are first trying to develop a habit, or get back into a habit. I will also mark down in the notes section when a package is supposed to be delivered as our post people don’t ring the doorbell when they deliver…we’ve had packages just sit in the rain all afternoon because of this.

The next thing I’ll do is block out my times every day. I may be a little crazy about my time, but my days are usually planned to a T. I work weekdays in the afternoon for my job, so my mornings are spent with my children, writing, doing household chores, at appointments, whatever else. I’ll notate if I have a blog post or video going up that day, what time it will be at, as well as any appointments. This gives me a pretty good sign of what my actual day is going to look like and helps me narrow down my top three.

The final step is determining what my “Top Three” are for the day. I don’t always do this, but if I’ve got a lot going on, and am not sure if I will realistically get to everything on my to do list, I”ll mark down what I think I need to prioritize. Some days my to-do list becomes a list of other things (such as future posts I want to do, different things to order), things that don’t need to necessarily need to be handled that day, but that I want to remember for a future day. So, having the Top 3 can focus my mind when I do get a chance to work on items.

Once those three steps are complete I’ll briefly look at my day again and mentally block times out to accomplish what I need to accomplish. For example, I typically write my blog posts mid morning (like 10ish), while drinking my second cup, so I’ll try and make sure any cleaning I need to do is done between breakfast and mid morning. Since I work all afternoon on weekdays, any top 3 items that are non work related have to be done before 1pm and I’ll take that into account (as I don’t necessarily write everyday).

Most days I am able to cross everything off my to do list by using this system and most days I feel really productive! Of course, there are days that it doesn’t happen. I am living life and some days we just chuck the to do list and play all morning instead or I’ll spend a morning reading. That is ok and because of my time management, I know that I can make up anything missed on another day.

How do you do your Time Management? Do you have any tips or tricks?

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Thanksgiving Memories

Oh Thanksgiving. A holiday for eating, for being with friends and family, for remembering all of the good, and acknowledging what we are thankful for. Above all, thanksgiving for me has just always been about family. Spending a full, wonderful day with family and friends; laughing, creating new memories and inside jokes. It’s never really actually been about the food and eating (although that is always a fun side note). All through

As I sat down to write this post I was trying to think of what I actually wanted to say. I could list what I’m thankful for (which I will actually do in a bit), but I felt like I wanted to do more than just that. I could reminisce on past Thanksgivings, but the problem is I don’t have too many memories that really stand out to share that would make sense (the only one that comes to mind is one I’ll share below). I could share favorite recipes, outfits, decorations, etc. None of it really feels “right” and rather than not marking the occasion, I figured I would embrace that feeling and go with it.

I’ll start with my thankful list. This past year we’ve been so blessed with good food, good friends, and incredible experiences. I am thankful for those that have come into our lives this year, thankful for our boys who continue to show us how incredible life can be. I’m thankful for my husband who has supported me throughout the obstacles of this year. I’m thankful for our family, who we have seen quite a bit of this past year. I’m also thankful for YOU. You who are (and have been) reading my words that I write every week, commenting, following along on our journey. Thank you.

I want to share a quick Thanksgiving Story with you, our very first thanksgiving together.

We had been dating/together for about 3 ½ months when Thanksgiving rolled around. For me, those 3 ½ months had started with a blow up with my mother (due to my moving out of her house), a turning point in my relationship with her, and this Thanksgiving was not only the first time that Rob was meeting her, but also the first time that I would speak with her in those 3 months. Talk about stressful (although I don’t think Rob was outwardly stressed, he had already met my father and that was the hard one).

Thanksgiving was being held at the son of some family friends house. I had never attended a Thanksgiving by myself (even if this was technically with family and close friends, it was my first time being considered “separate” from my parents in terms of guest list) and I hadn’t the first idea what to bring. I wanted to be a good guest and polite, so I spoke with our family friends and tried to get some ideas. I ended up settling on dinner rolls.

***Real fast, let’s recap so we can set the scene. Me and my mom blow up and haven’t spoken in 3+ months. Rob’s never met my mother. My parents are putting on a good show, but I don’t think that they were in the best place of their marriage. All while being held at the child of a good family friends house…awkward***

So here we come, walking up the drive, store bought dinner rolls in hand (I seriously cringe at that memory, I would never now bring what I brought to a dinner I was attending). At the time, I hadn’t had the foresight to at least put the rolls into a nice container, or present them in a way that was more than just an after thought for the day. I was so nervous about what was to come.

***The dinner rolls actually ended up becoming the “joke of the day” and really lightened the mood. ***

Somehow we arrived before my parents did, so we were able to settle in and relax a bit before they walked through the door. I do remember us all (dad, me, Rob, family friends, right before my mom walked in) sitting around the back patio table talking about the latest expensive purchase (gun related) and the tension rising when my mom came out the backdoor. I think it may have been the most tense, awkward moment of the day. My mom was the epitome of polite, introducing herself, making polite chit chat, although I can’t deny that there weren’t a couple of snide glances or comments made in my direction. It was nothing serious or truly bad.

Once the moment passed, all went surprisingly well. We ate, we all made conversation, we left with our dignities intact (aside from me and my dinner rolls- which became the punch line of the day). I don’t know what I was actually expecting, but now it’s a funny memory to look back on.

Do you have a good Thanksgiving memory to share? What about a I’m thankful list? Share in the comments!

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Making Your Marriage Your Priority

 

You hear it all the time “Take care of your marriage. Make time for your spouse. Your kids will grow up, they will move away and it will just be you and your spouse again”. I think it is probably the most common piece of advice expecting parents get. And in a way it is completely true. I mean, your kids will grow up and they will find their own lives. You will still be important to them, but as they grow they become more independent.

That’s important, but, also important to note, is that what your children see in your relationship with your spouse, their parent, is what they will view for themselves when that time comes. The interaction between you and your spouse is the first model to them of what a marriage or partnership looks like. And so, for both those reasons, it is important to focus on your relationship with your spouse.

But how do you do that? How do you make time for your spouse when it feels like your children have sucked time out of you (that sounds a lot worse than it really is, I promise)? Whether you work out of the house or are a Stay at Home Parent it is tough. Regardless of what you do, you are trying to meet the never ending needs of your children, being both the constant entertainer, teacher, mediator (if you have multiple children), protector, and guide. Your days are long (although the years are short) and when the day is over it can be so hard to want to stay up a little bit later and be present for someone else.

Taking time for your spouse is just as important as taking time for yourself. They say that you can’t take care of others until you take care of yourself. Well you and your spouse can’t effectively parent and be married if you are not taking care of each other.

It doesn’t take long, a simple 5-10 minutes to just see how they are doing. To check in with them on how their day was. To remind them that they are doing a good job. To tell them that you are proud of them. To give them a little peck, or shoulder rub. These little gestures, little moments of contact goes so far into “keeping the spark alive”.

Don’t wait till your one night (keep reading for that), do it now. You don’t need grand gestures, flowers or chocolates. Most of the time you just need a moment. A moment of just you and your spouse where you only focus on each other. A moment can be all it takes from going to bed feeling like a disaster on all fronts to going to bed feeling on the same page as someone else.

Take a night, once a week. Stay up later, cuddle on the couch, make it a point on that night to put away all the distractions and just focus solely on each other. It doesn’t have to be a go out to dinner and a movie date night, it doesn’t have to even be a get a sitter night (keep reading though for that…), it just needs to be a night where you can be with each other. *You can read about our take on this HERE.

Take a night out, wherever fits into your own budget, get a sitter and go do something outside the house with your spouse. Whether that’s dinner, a concert, a hike, whatever, get out into the world. Remember what it was like to go on a date with your spouse. Take a couple of hours and remember what life was like before you had babies crying at your feet, or a toddler needing help going to the bathroom. Hold hands while you are walking, sit across from each other and have discussions without having to reprimand your children halfway through a sentence. I gauruntee you and your spouse come back to the house 100% refreshed and ready to tackle those moments. We are homebodies so we don’t always do date nights like this, but we are getting better about it.

Finally, look back through your photo albums. Walk down memory lane. Remember that first date? Remember your wedding day? Look back through the photos, you’ll be surprised how many little memories pop through your mind and remind you what that moment was like.

How do you and your spouse place your marriage first?

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Round The Kettle Ep 4: Tackling Emotions

So, how you been?

I’m sat here in our bed (of all places, the one place I don’t like electronics or technology) typing this out. It’s like 10:30PM on a Friday night, but when inspiration strikes, you just kinda roll with it…or at least I do. Good thing this isn’t a podcast just yet or I’d be waking the house up with my voice.

The past couple of weeks have been good. Life decisions made (will share soon!). Plans for the rest of this year sorted. Holiday plans…on going. I’m a planner and with everything that is going on (and the large amount of things that we can’t solidly plan), the little things that I can schedule out (in some cases to the hour…) have been scheduled and I feel just much more calm with all of our changes.

I’ve been dealing with some behind the scenes life stuff over the past couple days. Really it’s been an ongoing situation, which changed a few months ago, but I’ve only just recognized behaviors the past couple days. It’s a funny thing because I’m good. I’m happy. I’m in a good headspace BUT (there’s that but…whys it gotta be there? Oy.) I’ve had this feeling in the back of my mind. A little jiggling in my gut (that’s not from those extra m&m’s I promise). Something telling me -hey Mia you need to acknowledge this.

For me the way these things go is like this:

Step1: there’s a feeling. Something in the back of my brain sending a gentle nudge of hey-this isn’t ok.

Step2: trying to figure out what the eff step 1 is referring to.

Step3: sorting through what I’ve figured out in step 2 and working through that internally. Before I even voice something I can guarantee I’ve over thought it ten ways to Sunday.

Step4: deciding whether this whole situation even needs a voice. Not every feeling or nudge I get needs to be talked about. Sometimes just acknowledging that hey I don’t feel right can be enough to then fix whatever it is.

Step5: putting my feelings into words if needed and ,again if needed, sharing that with others.

***now that I write it all out I feel neurotic just rereading it. I can assure you it’s not nearly as drawn out or over complicated as it sounds. Also, I really need to stop over analyzing and being my own psychology patient. Oy. ***

And here we are-step 5. I’m working on putting words to how I’ve been feeling/coping and trying to decide whether I really want to share that with others.

With all of that going on it’s got me thinking about how we can be so good, so happy, so at peace and then still have this little background noise going on. Is that possible? Are you still happy and good if you’ve got that little voice in the back of your mind? If you’ve still got something that is causing you…well whatever this is causing? OR is the need to always feel good and happy making us think that we can’t acknowledge when we aren’t good?

It’s weird because I do have so much to be happy about and that I am happy about. I’ve got so many blessings and I lead such a privileged life. I’ve got things happening and changes coming that so many would dream to have. AND I AM HAPPY.

But there is more to us as beings. More to our emotions and feelings and it can get…complicated to say the least. So, all this to say I do think it is possible to be happy and still have a struggle. I always say life has ups and downs (or highs and lows) and I think that it may be possible that when you are up that there are still downs without everything going down. If that makes sense…

As always, I’m probably just overthinking everything. For someone who preaches to be in the moment and just be present and let the feelings wash over you, I over analyze WAY TOO MUCH.

What do you think? I’d love to hear your thoughts. And of course, I want to know how you  have been? Talk to me in the comments below J

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