Disconnecting Myself

I’ve never been one that is constantly on Social Media and as I’ve grown in myself and older, I’ve realized that I’m not really one that likes to constantly be on the phone at all. It’s been something I’ve been noticing as I go through the different phases of enjoying the phone and Social Media and then the times when I seemingly just shut everything off/down. And actually, I really just long for the time before everyone had smart phones and Social Media was THE thing to be doing ALL THE TIME.

Lately I’ve been noticing that I have starting to be on my phone a little TOO much. Spending a little too much time paying attention to everything, being connected to everything and in this day and age, it can get to be…well a bit much. It all really came to a head a couple weeks ago when, at the end of a day, I sat back and realized I didn’t really do much. Most of my day had been spent scrolling through my phone. That may not be what my everyday is like, I had noticed that it was starting to become more and more prominent in my day.

So, I’m going to start disconnecting. Making a purposeful decision to not mindlessly scroll through Social Media or just mess around on the internet. Making a decision to put my phone down and not to just pick it back up a little bit later. To take a step back from the constant-ness of being connected all the time. To not ALWAYS be available right at the moment. 

There are things happening right now, happening in the present moment that I will never get back. I love being present with my family in every moment that I can and I’ve been realizing lately that even those times when I am multi tasking on my phone, I am missing out on these little moments. 

So, what does this mean, really? Nothing much of a change outwardly. I’ll be posting my regular amount on Social Media, but what I won’t be doing is just sitting around, mindlessly scrolling. It means that my phone will not be going everywhere with me and that I’m looking forward to that! 

I want to challenge myself to get back to where I was just a few short months ago, where I didn’t really feel the need to pull out my phone. I was not only more present, but I also had a clarity about my day. 

Between work and the bits that I do on the computer for my business and blog, I am on technology as much as it is. It’s time to disconnect. To get away from Social Media and Technology and get back into the real moments that make up life. 

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One Small Act

There used to be a commercial on TV (it may still be on- I’m not really sure) that had a whole sequence of people doing kind acts for each other. It went through and said so and so did this for so and so who then did this for so and so and on and on. It cycled through about 7 instances and after each, the person would smile and do an act of kindness for the next person who needed it. Seems like a common occurrence (or common decency) in our everyday, right?

Wrong.

I have to say, somewhere along the way of the past few years we’ve really lost our sense of kindness towards others. Our sense of compassion. 

Maybe it’s the state of the world we live in. Maybe it’s sensationalized news stories. Maybe we are all just too wrapped in ourselves, our lives, our things and our technology. I don’t know. All I know is I don’t see many of those little acts of kindness anymore. 

I’m tired of making excuses for this lack of kindness. It’s not something we do intentionally, but the rationalization that we give for poor behavior is insane. The whole “maybe they are just having a bad day” or “Well there is obviously more than meets the eye” is unacceptable. Maybe you are having a rotten day or something else is going on, but it doesn’t give an automatic get out of being kind card. 

I want to bring kindness and compassion back. I want to start seeing people pull away from their own lives and be drawn into the world. Stop and say hello to someone. Offer a seat. Come out of your own little bubble, your own life and look around you. Is someone in need of help? It could be as simple as holding a door, or offering directions. It may be more complex. Whatever it may be, that person will remember and thank you for the kindness you showed. That may have been all they needed to put a smile on their face. Or, they may not appreciate it at all. They may grumble and just move on. Honestly it shouldn’t matter what their reaction will be. In the end, you will feel better and more connected to what is going on around you.

I want to challenge you to find a couple ways to show kindness (and compassion) in your everyday. I know I will be. 

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Friday Morning Cups

IMG_6872 3.JPGI’ve been trying to think of a good caption for this photo. One that would accurately represent all the things I want to say. Truth is…I don’t have that caption. I don’t have all of the words (and if I did it would make for a really long caption). What I do have is this: This was a shot from a few weeks ago. When I was overwhelmed. When everything just kept triggering. It was a rough night- Probably the roughest I’ve experienced yet as a mother. This is just one image of what being a survivor is. There are numerous smiling happy pictures to match our numerous smiling days. I’ve never shown this side (just like I’ve never spoken publicly about my past), the tough moments. The times when I’m curled up in a ball, just trying to breathe. Just acknowledging what is and what was. Being a survivor, healing, forgiving, moving forward doesn’t mean that all those memories, all those reactions and fears go away. Those are still (and always will be) very much there in your body and memory. And some days will look like this. Some days will bring you to your knees, but not all of the days. And as you continue to heal, continue to move forward those days will become fewer and fewer. 

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Evening Routine – Summer 2018

Ah Summer Evenings, is there anything better? Maybe curling up in front of a roaring fire on a cool fall night, but we can’t do that just yet, so let’s just stick with Summer Evenings. In the Spring, I talked about my Morning Routine (which you can read HERE), and I thought I would give you a little insight into what my Summer Evening Routine looks like. 

My evening routines aren’t as strategically planned out as my mornings, they are more so for winding down after the day and a little prep for the next day. I do a couple of things that help me not only wind down from the day, but get ready for tomorrow. 

My work day typically ends around 4PM, but I usually don’t stop working until closer to 5PM. That last hour is usually devoted to my business and blog and a couple of other projects (depending on what the day is). The boys wake up from naps around 4:45PM and typically take a little water and a small snack. I’ll “shut down” for the evening at 5PM and focus on family from that time moving forward. 

I start dinner prep around 5:30pm depending on what I make. We always eat dinner at 6:30PM and I always try to make some sort of a home cooked meal. The boys will be offered what we have, but sometimes I’ll also throw a little mac & cheese on their plates so that they do have some food. 

After dinner I take a couple of minutes to look at my to do list from the day and look at what I need to do for the next day. This usually only takes about 5-10 minutes. Then, I’ll spend some time with family in our living room, either playing or watching a show together. It’s always very relaxed and just hanging out. We don’t do much unless we need to. The boys don’t go to bed until 9PM, so we usually have a good amount of time. We used to take walks every now and then, but we don’t really anymore. I’d like to start doing that again, maybe when it cools down a little. 

We start prepping the boys for bedtime around 8:30PM, if it is bath night my husband will give them baths while I help out with the kitchen cleanup from dinner. Kitchen clean up goes in between me and my  husband. Some nights I do it, some nights he does it. Either way, I will not go to bed with a messy kitchen. If I do, it sets my next morning off badly. We also clean up our living room at this time. We try to involve the boys as much as possible with clean up and have them help out. 

Once bath time and clean up have been done, I will head into our bedroom to handle my nighttime things. I will clean the makeup off my face, wash my face, change into my pajamas. I also pick out my outfit for the next day. This takes one less thing off my mind for the next morning.

As soon as I am done with this it is time for the boys to go to bed. I handle Andrew, hubs handles Colton. On weeknights we head to bed after they go to bed. I’ll sit in bed and read my book for about an hour and a half. I try to be laying down to sleep by 10:30PM. This gives me anywhere from 7-8 hours of sleep at night. Weekends we will typically watch a movie or catch up on some TV in our living room before heading to bed.

That is how my evenings go! A lot more relaxed and much more go with the flow than my morning routine. Do you have some sort of a routine for your evenings?

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Summer Favorites!

Ah Summer…a time of heat, humidity, and endless sunshine. I love the sunshine bit, am ok with the heat portion, but hate the humidity! We are halfway through “Summer” and with August always having been what seemed to be the most unbearable month (I mean, seriously so close to Fall and yet so so far away), I thought I would share some of my favorites for this season. 

Swell bottle, apricots, Strawberry Lemonade Smoothie, shorts, tank, sandals, simple skin care, ray bans, books (Something in the Water, 

So, shall we start with the food bits and work our way around?

  1. S’well Bottle: This has been seriously a fantastic water bottle. I know it seems strange to talk about a water bottle, but honestly during the summer you need to hydrate and at least this way we are not using a plastic bottle, and it looks cute!
  2. Apricots: Seriously, everyone talks about watermelon all summer long and while I love a good watermelon, I seriously obsess over apricots. So so so delicious and my go to pick me up in summer months!
  3. Strawberry lemonade smoothie: I’ll link the recipe to this HERE, but it is so good! It has a really good combination of the sweet berry, but tart lemonade and the yogurt gives it just the right consistency. I’ll be drinking this for a long long time. 

Let’s talk clothes now:

  1. A high waisted pair of short shorts: Now I was never a big “high waisted” anything fan, I always thought it looked odd on me, but these shorts are so comfortable and with a cute half tucked (or cropped) top it comes out as a cute summer outfit. 
  2. A dress up or down tank: I’ve had this particular tank top for years and years, but I absolutely love it. You can dress it up with a blazer and some heals, or down with a pair of flats and ripped jeans. You can’t go wrong with a top like this during summer. It is loose, short, and cute. 
  3. A good pair of Sandals: Now I’m giving two different options, flip flops or actual sandals, either works. For flip flops I either like my Rainbow’s or my Nike’s and for sandals, this American Eagle pair is the only pair that I really reach for. All of the options are super comfortable, casual, and just give into that relaxed Summer vibe.
  4. Sunglasses: Can’t go wrong with sunglasses and I’ve got two pairs that I reach for. Both are by Ray Ban, one pair being their standard Aviators and the other being the Erika set. Love em both!

A big part of summer is taking care of your skin. With the summer sun, the shorter bottoms, tank tops, and lounging poolside or partying the night away (whichever you prefer), there is a lot of damage that could be done. I’ve always believed in taking care of your skin, but have never actually done it up until the past few years. I’ve been loving the Simple Skin Care Range, Cleanser, Miceller Water, Eye Make Up Remover, and the CeraVe Lotion. About once or twice a week I will exfoliate and then use my Clarisonic Mia to pamper myself a smidge. 

The last bit on my Summer Faves is books. I’m not going to give a comprehensive list as I have a totally separate business all about books, but I figured I would give some of my recommendations for Summer Reading. Now I should say, I’m not a contemporary/romance reader, so a good amount of these are Summer Thrillers. 

  1. Something in the Water by Catherine Steadman
  2. When Breathe Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi
  3. Finding Fraser by KC Dyer
  4. Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng
  5. My Lady Jane & My Plain Jane by The Lady Janies

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A Peak Into My Past

I have never shared this story publicly. I have never talked about this part of my past with anyone, outside of a couple of close friends and family. All of my healing has been done privately, in and out of therapy. Figuring out what works for me and how I would even begin to piece my life back together after the rug was pulled out from under me almost 16 years ago. I’ve finally reached a peaceful place in my life, partly due to finding love in someone else, partly finding the ability to love myself. The biggest part of my peace being the forgiveness I have given. 

Finding the peace within myself has allowed me to reach a point where I want to talk with and help others. When I first entered therapy I had sworn that once I had made my own peace, I would help others in any way that I could. I thought it would be something that I could do within a little bit of time and then I could get to helping others and speaking about this trauma that simply isn’t spoken about. Here I am 12 years later, only just now feeling like I can share this story. Only just now feeling that peace, that urge to share, and finally being comfortable enough to share. Finally at the point where I really feel like I can help others. Help them find their healing, help them see the light at the end of the tunnel. To be that person that I needed.

I’ll get into more of that at another time, but I want to give you my story. I want to publicly share the part of my past that I’ve never shared before. You may have read this already, if you read the linked article in Friday’s post, but I wanted to address it here. Directly on my blog. So, here we go…IMG_4702

I was emotionally abused for 10+ Years and physically abused everyday for 7 of those years (everyday for 5, off and on for 2) by a parent. The person who was supposed to be my guide, my champion, supposed to be everything, was instead my tormentor. I went through my childhood with the expectation of perfection placed on me (and criticized, put down, insulted if not) and my adolescent years with an unthinkable amount of fear. Child abuse is not just being scared, it is a traumatic event that changes everything. Everything about you, everything about your life, and everything about everyone you come into contact with. 

Before I even had the opportunity to have a voice, it was taken away from me. Before I could even understand what was truly right and wrong, what I wanted to be or do, what true happiness could be, I knew what fear was. Not just being scared of something, but true fear. True terror. In some ways I can’t put to words what I was feeling, but in other ways it is crystal clear. 

As I said to start this post, I have reached a good space. A space where I can handle the tough moments, when all of those emotions, fears, and moments come back. I feel like I am at that light at the end of the tunnel, when you know that the tunnel is coming to an end, but there is still a bit of darkness. It has been a long and tough road to get here, and it is a road that will continue for the rest of my life. I have also recognized that having gone through this, having worked through it, and having come out on the other side, I am a better person for that. I am a better wife, mom, a better person all together. 

I want to end this by saying that I will be starting to talk more about trauma, child abuse, and dealing with both of these factors a little more frequently on my blog. There will still be plenty of my usual happy go lucky content (as I am that happy go lucky, keep all things cosy, find the silver lining kinda girl), but I want to start sharing more of my story. I find that Childhood Trauma and Abuse is a topic that doesn’t seem to get enough attention (unless it is a major event) and it is something that is more common than we think. 

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What I Wore: Bonkers for Dresses

Ah, dresses. We have a love/hate relationship. I love dresses, how light, flowing and freeing they can be. I hate how they size weird and end up either looking WAY too young for me, or WAY to big on me. Since becoming an “adult”- in this case reaching an age where wearing teensy clothing becomes unacceptable – I have struggled with dresses. 

I really like the form fitting dresses for work situations, but also enjoy a good flow-y summer dress. I have to have a dress that has some sort of structure to it, otherwise it overwhelms my frame and I just look a mess. 

I decided to finally just put an end to that dress mess, find a few that I liked and see what I could do about bringing dresses back into my life. Summer seemed a perfect time to do this since it is hot as ever outside (seriously, why are we pushing 90 and feeling like 100+?!). 

Continue on to see what I found…

I tried to get a good variety between the more workplace dresses and then the fun summery flowing dresses. I think the two below are my all time favorite dresses at the moment. They are both really comfortable, fit me and my style well, as well as fit what my day to day looks like. Also, the third one pictured below is I think my favorite workplace dress I’ve ever owned.

So, that’s What I Wore! What are your favorite style of dresses? Do you see any immediate favorites?

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Friday Morning Cups

IMG_6413This morning is kind of a special morning. I am sharing something that I have NEVER spoken about “publicly”. I’ve told a small amount of family, a couple of close friends and that is about it. I’ve never spoken about this publicly as I’ve never felt like I was in a good place to really talk about it. I think once you read the linked blog post, you will understand. I will talk more about this in a future blog post, but since this has been published, I want to share with you.

The truth is…it has taken me 10 years to get to this point. To get to a point that I was truly ready to talk about this, to share my story, to help others. 10 years to feel like I have finally reached a point in my healing and recovery that I can actually help others go through it, get through it, and come out the other side. I will be slowly starting to introduce this topic into this blog and my own social media.

Click HERE to read the post.

Thank you for reading.

Mia

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Real Talk: So, Why Do We Care?

I’ve spoken about confidence and how we grow into ourselves and in turn our self confidence grows. During that (I called it) ramble (which you can read HERE and HERE), I mentioned that with confidence, you hit a point that you just stop caring about what others think of you. Because honestly, while the two may not always be linked, that is a big part of confidence. Being so confident in yourself that you do not care what others think of you. 

So, why do we care? Why is what other people think of us so important to us? You can’t please everyone and not everyone is going to like you. Even those who do like you, may not like some of the things that you do/say. Why do we put so much stock in that?

When you think about what others think of you, you give them power over you. You allow them to control how you live your life. You allow them to change what you say or believe. You allow someone (often times a complete stranger) to personally affect you to your core. 

Why would you want to let someone else have control over your life? You are giving someone else power over you. Power to influence you, to change you in a way that you may not want. We all grow and change, but the important thing is that we are doing that because WE want to, not because someone made a mean comment. 

This may sound dramatic, but even something as simple as changing your outfit because you think someone may say something about it. Allowing what others MIGHT think about you, change anything about you is failing yourself. It is selling yourself short.

Similar to this is not speaking up when you want to say something, or saying things that you may not believe to please others. 

If you are having second thoughts about something, it is important to determine why you are having second thoughts. Are you having those thoughts because you are worried about what others will say? Are you having them because you yourself are not sure? This difference is key because it lets you know whether you are making the change because you want it, not because of what some other random person may say.

We can be so impressionable at times, especially in areas where we may feel even more vulnerable, and it is important to remember who you are. 

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Day Trip : Colonial Williamsburg

On Saturday we took a day trip down to Colonial Williamsburg. This step back into history has been a “must do” on my list since we moved here and we just finally got around to doing it. It’s about a 2 1/2 hour drive from us and is the perfect distance for spending a day. 

The whole draw in for Colonial Williamsburg is that it is supposed to feel like you are stepping back into time, back to when the colonies were breaking free from English rule, and it is supposed to reflect what every day life was like for the colonists. It features character actors, both as guides and just portraying different folks that would live in town. There were stations where visitors could get involved, such as making brick and clothes, but also areas where you could just observe. 

Our day started at the Governors Palace, which is the main home and office for the Royal Governor. This was in use prior to the collapse of Royal Authority in Virginia, as the colonies broke away from England. We toured the main hall and two sitting rooms downstairs, as well as a bed & dressing room upstairs (not pictured). A tour guide, dressed in time period clothing (as was everyone) talked us through the last family that lived in the home as well as what a visitor to the home could expect. 

Our next stop was walking through the different Palace Grounds, with a beautiful little hideaway and a maze, and along the Palace Green, which had homes, kitchens, and a church.

While we were walking through the palace green, we got to watch the carriage and ox wagon rides go through the palace green, and then the rest of the town. Such a neat and fun experience to add to the idea of stepping back into history!

Once you finish with the “main” Palace walk, you come upon the little town itself. The main portion of town is divided up on one “main” street, Duke of Gloucester Street, and a side street, Nicholson Street. One Duke of Gloucester there were shops, taverns, and the Market Square. The shops and taverns all had character actors both outside to guide you in, and inside to walk you through whatever you were seeing, or to help you purchase any gifts you were interested in. 

IMG_4600

We stopped at the Market Square to see the “market” they were holding that day, to take a look at the Public Armory and to see how they would signal to everyone for lunchtime. Spoiler: the lunch time signal was a canon, which concerned both boys immensely. We also ended the day in the same area to see a demonstration of combat tactics of the time (hubs is a military history buff). 

We stopped for a quick lunch, watched the Fife and Drum March, and headed over to the children’s play spot. They offer a spot just for children that has a variety of toys from colonial times as well as a maze for the children to work through. Colton had quite a lot of fun navigating the maze and riding a toy horse, while Andrew took a quick snooze. It was a nice spot to take a little break from everything, let the kids just run free, but still maintain all the history. 

The last major “must see” stop for Colonial Williamsburg is at The Capitol, at the end of Duke of Gloucester Street. It has quite the tale to tell, and our guide very enthusiastically shared its history. Williamsburg was a capital at one point in time, and the capital building itself was built, burned, built, burned, left to disrepair, only to be built again later on. There is only one item that is original to the Capital, and that is the single chair where the leader would sit. The capital was rebuilt as it would have originally been seen and it was interesting to hear the history of Virginia breaking away from England. This stop also included a look at the courthouse, where royal crimes would have been heard. 

Overall, we really enjoyed our time in Colonial Williamsburg! They do a wonderful job with re creating a time in history that is so interesting (and full of strife), while still giving us modern day amenities. It sits right near William and Mary University and there is a full town just right outside the gates, but once you step onto the brick sidewalk and the bit of cobblestone street you feel transported. It was a wonderful day!

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