Friday Morning Cups

IMG_6413This morning is kind of a special morning. I am sharing something that I have NEVER spoken about “publicly”. I’ve told a small amount of family, a couple of close friends and that is about it. I’ve never spoken about this publicly as I’ve never felt like I was in a good place to really talk about it. I think once you read the linked blog post, you will understand. I will talk more about this in a future blog post, but since this has been published, I want to share with you.

The truth is…it has taken me 10 years to get to this point. To get to a point that I was truly ready to talk about this, to share my story, to help others. 10 years to feel like I have finally reached a point in my healing and recovery that I can actually help others go through it, get through it, and come out the other side. I will be slowly starting to introduce this topic into this blog and my own social media.

Click HERE to read the post.

Thank you for reading.

Mia

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Real Talk: So, Why Do We Care?

I’ve spoken about confidence and how we grow into ourselves and in turn our self confidence grows. During that (I called it) ramble (which you can read HERE and HERE), I mentioned that with confidence, you hit a point that you just stop caring about what others think of you. Because honestly, while the two may not always be linked, that is a big part of confidence. Being so confident in yourself that you do not care what others think of you. 

So, why do we care? Why is what other people think of us so important to us? You can’t please everyone and not everyone is going to like you. Even those who do like you, may not like some of the things that you do/say. Why do we put so much stock in that?

When you think about what others think of you, you give them power over you. You allow them to control how you live your life. You allow them to change what you say or believe. You allow someone (often times a complete stranger) to personally affect you to your core. 

Why would you want to let someone else have control over your life? You are giving someone else power over you. Power to influence you, to change you in a way that you may not want. We all grow and change, but the important thing is that we are doing that because WE want to, not because someone made a mean comment. 

This may sound dramatic, but even something as simple as changing your outfit because you think someone may say something about it. Allowing what others MIGHT think about you, change anything about you is failing yourself. It is selling yourself short.

Similar to this is not speaking up when you want to say something, or saying things that you may not believe to please others. 

If you are having second thoughts about something, it is important to determine why you are having second thoughts. Are you having those thoughts because you are worried about what others will say? Are you having them because you yourself are not sure? This difference is key because it lets you know whether you are making the change because you want it, not because of what some other random person may say.

We can be so impressionable at times, especially in areas where we may feel even more vulnerable, and it is important to remember who you are. 

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Day Trip : Colonial Williamsburg

On Saturday we took a day trip down to Colonial Williamsburg. This step back into history has been a “must do” on my list since we moved here and we just finally got around to doing it. It’s about a 2 1/2 hour drive from us and is the perfect distance for spending a day. 

The whole draw in for Colonial Williamsburg is that it is supposed to feel like you are stepping back into time, back to when the colonies were breaking free from English rule, and it is supposed to reflect what every day life was like for the colonists. It features character actors, both as guides and just portraying different folks that would live in town. There were stations where visitors could get involved, such as making brick and clothes, but also areas where you could just observe. 

Our day started at the Governors Palace, which is the main home and office for the Royal Governor. This was in use prior to the collapse of Royal Authority in Virginia, as the colonies broke away from England. We toured the main hall and two sitting rooms downstairs, as well as a bed & dressing room upstairs (not pictured). A tour guide, dressed in time period clothing (as was everyone) talked us through the last family that lived in the home as well as what a visitor to the home could expect. 

Our next stop was walking through the different Palace Grounds, with a beautiful little hideaway and a maze, and along the Palace Green, which had homes, kitchens, and a church.

While we were walking through the palace green, we got to watch the carriage and ox wagon rides go through the palace green, and then the rest of the town. Such a neat and fun experience to add to the idea of stepping back into history!

Once you finish with the “main” Palace walk, you come upon the little town itself. The main portion of town is divided up on one “main” street, Duke of Gloucester Street, and a side street, Nicholson Street. One Duke of Gloucester there were shops, taverns, and the Market Square. The shops and taverns all had character actors both outside to guide you in, and inside to walk you through whatever you were seeing, or to help you purchase any gifts you were interested in. 

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We stopped at the Market Square to see the “market” they were holding that day, to take a look at the Public Armory and to see how they would signal to everyone for lunchtime. Spoiler: the lunch time signal was a canon, which concerned both boys immensely. We also ended the day in the same area to see a demonstration of combat tactics of the time (hubs is a military history buff). 

We stopped for a quick lunch, watched the Fife and Drum March, and headed over to the children’s play spot. They offer a spot just for children that has a variety of toys from colonial times as well as a maze for the children to work through. Colton had quite a lot of fun navigating the maze and riding a toy horse, while Andrew took a quick snooze. It was a nice spot to take a little break from everything, let the kids just run free, but still maintain all the history. 

The last major “must see” stop for Colonial Williamsburg is at The Capitol, at the end of Duke of Gloucester Street. It has quite the tale to tell, and our guide very enthusiastically shared its history. Williamsburg was a capital at one point in time, and the capital building itself was built, burned, built, burned, left to disrepair, only to be built again later on. There is only one item that is original to the Capital, and that is the single chair where the leader would sit. The capital was rebuilt as it would have originally been seen and it was interesting to hear the history of Virginia breaking away from England. This stop also included a look at the courthouse, where royal crimes would have been heard. 

Overall, we really enjoyed our time in Colonial Williamsburg! They do a wonderful job with re creating a time in history that is so interesting (and full of strife), while still giving us modern day amenities. It sits right near William and Mary University and there is a full town just right outside the gates, but once you step onto the brick sidewalk and the bit of cobblestone street you feel transported. It was a wonderful day!

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Halfway Through 2018!

Good afternoon! It’s been a while since I just sat down and chatted/talked life updates with you! I figured now would be a good time since we are halfway through the year, coming off an extra serious month of blog posts last month, and a good time to take a minute, pour a cup of tea and just let everything out. 

It’s been a crazy time in our home. From dealing with both boys going through hard phases, husbands schedule picking up a little bit, work heading back into busy, I’m over here just trying to be the glue holding all of the pieces together. Being the glue has kind of always been up my alley, but this has become a whole new level. This weekend being the perfect example of what I mean. 

Husband had the first major paper of his class due, I had the start of the month planning, and the boys were both going through some crazy phase that involved a lot of whining and very little sleep. With all of that, my plans went out the window and I played the do whatever it takes to get through the weekend without losing my mind game. Mostly my weekend consisted of running from one situation to the other, keeping us all “in the game” of getting stuff done, and trying not to let the house get too destroyed. Some weekends are harder than others.

When being the glue takes up all of my time, it can be difficult to feel that “weekend relaxation vibe”, so I took the little bits of time I could to take a little breather. I did get to get a couple hours to myself to go window shopping and walking while the boys napped (and hubs stayed home with them) as well as a bit of yoga in one morning. I tried to make that morning Yoga flow a little bit longer and more focused than normal to try and kick any residual “keep it together blues”.  

In the midst of everything going on, we did manage to catch a couple of family moments, as well as look at what the next couple months will be like. I am a future planner and with it being a new quarter, I want to see how we stand for the next couple of months. 

It’s hard to believe that we are already halfway through 2018! I feel like I’ve had such a good start to this year and for once, all of my intentions are still going strong 6 months in. I haven’t faltered on any goal I’ve set yet, and have even set a couple new goals to help keep the year going. We’ve got an action packed rest of the year, and I can’t wait to talk about it and share it! 

I’ve got some fun posts coming up for this month to try and lighten things up from all of the serious life talk that’s been going on and I’ve got a really good feeling about July. Minus the heat (which right now at least is a killer), it is full of possibilities!

***There will not be a blog post up on Wednesday due to the Independence Day Holiday. I’m taking the full day to just be with family and friends and celebrate. Enjoy!

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A Ramble on: Confidence

Ever see those people who seemingly just don’t care what people think? Who go about life so self assured and comfortable with who they are? Wonder what they were doing to get to that point?

They weren’t always that way. 

Confidence is something that is gained as you grow into yourself. And as you face new experiences, new life moments, new risks you grow more confident in yourself. And better yet, those people that you think are just so self confident, still have moments of insecurity. You can also be confident in some areas of your life, and not so confident in other areas. You can be solid in yourself, but maybe a new change has happened to cause that confidence to waver.

Sometimes it just takes some time to get to (or get back to) that moment of “I know who I am, I know what I believe, and who cares what others think of me”. Because with confidence comes a freeing moment of not caring. Of letting go of what others think of you. Of saying, who gives a damn.

For me, I started to feel really good about myself just after High School (aka just as I fully hit my stride in recovery). I thought I knew what I wanted in life, how I was going to achieve what I wanted, and who I was. I met my husband, and things really started to click in place even more. Then we had our first boy. While something in me clicked when I became a mother, my confidence in myself was still a little shaken. My confidence in my ability to do everything that I wanted to do. To be a good wife, a good mom, a good person. To manage all the things. 

Then, I hit my stride again and became confident as a new mom. I got everything down and my confidence was on the upswing and we had our second boy. Instead of my confidence wavering, I knew. I believe in myself. I was confident in myself, my choices, in every aspect relating to being myself. 

Something to remember: Even when you have that self confidence, when you have that process of letting go what people think of you, there are still moments. Moments where you question yourself. Moments where you wonder, what do people think about you. 

But trust in the process. Trust in yourself. Trust in the fact that when you get through whatever has caused that wavering, that that will just be one more thing to have overcome. You’ll come out the other end more confident and having learned something new about yourself. 

I’m glad that I can say that I am finally, 100%, at that point. I have found my voice. I have found the confidence in myself, in what I believe, in what I am doing that I can say that there is not much that can tear me down. That took a lot of work to get to and you better believe I am not letting go of that any time soon. Do I still have moments of weakness, of caring what people think of me? Kind of. It’s hard for me to say that I will never question myself, but I have reached a point in my life where there are just so many other things to do and think about.

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A Ramble On: Growth and Change

I’ve grown a lot in the past 5-10 years. Grown into myself, grown into my voice, grown into my niche spot of where I want to be. My confidence has soared and I’ve learned countless lessons. I am not the same person I was and I wouldn’t change that person OR this person. I had to be that person, go through life & changes to become the person that I am today. Some of those changes were hard. I stumbled a time or two, but here I am, all the better for it. 

Who I am today will not be the same person who I am in another 5-10 years. We are always changing as we go through life. As we keep learning and keep facing new challenges. That change is a good thing. I welcome the new opinions, the new goals and desires, the new conversations that I am experiencing. While the core of who I am has stayed mostly the same, my opinions, my outlook, my desires in life, and the way I see people and the world has changed. In fact, I am only just now finding my real voice and figuring out how I want to use it. 

As I continue to grow as a person, I don’t want to stay “stuck” in my same ways or mindset. I want to learn from every new experience and situation. I want to seek out new opinions, one’s that may be different from my own and have new experiences across the board. I may know who I am, but that doesn’t mean that there won’t be changes throughout my life. 

I don’t want to remain stagnant. 

I encourage you to do the same. You are always growing and changing; Experiencing life, turning into someone new. You are turning into the person that you are meant to be. Welcome that change and those new experiences. Seek them out. Get out. Out of yourself, out of your comfort zone. Have a new experience, talk to someone who had a different life than your own, who has different opinions than your own. Try to understand and see things through their lenses. 

Keep an open heart and an open mind. Don’t be stagnant. Grow. Learn. Change. Love every minute of it, even when it’s hard. 

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It’s Just My $0.02

This topic has been something that has been weighing heavily on me and to be honest, is not one that I really thought I would add my voice to. However, I feel like I have a duty to throw my perspective to the wind and share my thoughts. It’s also ironic timing as quite a few of the posts I’ve got coming up are about not caring about what others think, but I’ve got to get this out of my system. 

As a woman I’m always happy to see other women succeeding at what they choose to do. Whether that be take on a major company, a high up the chain job, or simply run the household. Women are a force to be reckoned with and I certainly feel that we can, and do, whatever we put our minds to do. 

I’ve been supportive of the drive of any person to do what their heart desires. I love that we all have a choice to do what we want to do, and if no one has done that before, we become the first to do it. I LOVE seeing this in my friends and in people that I don’t even necessarily know.

Let me be clear about something, I have a part time job, my own business, and my family. I work very hard at my job and my business, but I make a choice to be home with my children and to work around their needs. I have tweaked my days to perfection to allow for this and I am very proud of the fact that I am a Wife and Mom above all else. I choose to take care of our home and my husband and children. 

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with this CHOICE. I would not judge another who decided that they wanted to work full time and have a career. That is a CHOICE. And how incredible it is that we can make that choice.

With my mindset being supportive of others in their dreams and desires, no matter what my personal dreams and desires are (because we are all different and want different things), I cannot believe the comments I have gotten in my personal life in regards to my choice. 

I am not any less proud to be a woman, or of the other achievements of women, simply because I am not breaking glass ceilings in the workplace. Because I enjoy cleaning the house, or making dinner for my husband. I also enjoy the work that I do everyday in my job and my business. I find fulfillment in every aspect of my life. 

Here’s a little food for thought to put things in perspective, while you are kicking ass in your job, or your career, or whatever it is that you’re doing, I am kicking ass in my home. In my job. In my business. As long as we are doing what we love, why does it matter?

Why should we look at a woman any less for CHOOSING or WANTING to stay home? With that same thought process, why should we look at a woman any less for CHOOSING or WANTING to go work? To break those barriers? It doesn’t make her any less than anyone else, nor does it mean that she is not supportive of other women breaking barriers. 

Let’s be real, the world isn’t going to move forward if we don’t have both types of women, so why don’t we all get off our high horses and move forward with supporting each other? We are all going through life, one of us is not “better” than the other and honestly, we could probably accomplish a hell of a lot more if we remembered that.

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Friday Morning Cups

To anyone that’s reading this-this is important. Read on because I have a little story to share.

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This past week had a couple of rough spots. A couple of days where things just overloaded. Where my patience really stretched thin and things started falling through the cracks. My fuse seemingly disappeared and while there wasn’t any sort of breakdown or really bad moments, it was just a week that wore on me.

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Sunday morning I decided to take a little breather. To get out of the house by myself, go to a coffee shop and sit, read and re charge my batteries. I came back to the house feeling so much better. My attitude had shifted. No longer did I have a zero fuse, no longer did I find myself yelling or snapping. I got the to do list done in record time and all with a little smile on my face. I was a better wife and a better mom.

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Now my husband isn’t one to really comment on this type of thing BUT even HE noticed the shift. He told me “If 45 minutes to yourself is all it takes, so that everyday”. He got it. He saw the shift and it clicked.

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Everyone- that time for yourself is SO important. I talk about this so much because it makes a huge difference. That saying is true- you can’t pour from an empty cup.

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Real Talk: Identity

identity

noun iden·ti·ty \ ī-ˈden-tə-tē , ə- , -ˈde-nə- \

1

a : sameness of essential or generic character in different instances

b : sameness in all that constitutes the objective reality of a thing : oneness

2

a : the distinguishing character or personality of an individual : individuality

b : the relation established by psychological identification

Who are you? What do you believe? What drives you forward?

Those may seem like daunting questions, especially if you don’t know the answer, but they are important to find out for yourself. There is a place for everyone in this world, you just have to find your space. Where you want to grow within yourself and as a part of your community. Where you feel that calling to be. All three of the above questions tie together to make up your core. From your core, you can make changes, you can make a difference in your life and others.

So, how do you figure out what your identity is? You live your life. From a very young age we start to figure out our likes and dislikes. We fall in love with places, things, ideas. We develop opinions and (hopefully) get into conversations with others about our opinions. We are exposed to new situations, constantly learning through each new problem, conversation, or experience. And slowly, through all of these, we start to get the groundwork for who we want to be. What we believe. What we want to do with our lives. In some cases we develop a strong case of identity very early on, but in most cases it takes until our mid 20’s before we really have a strong self of sense. 

While you may have a strong sense of self and have figured out who you are, it’s important to remember that we are constantly evolving and changing. Our identity shifts with new life changes and experiences. And who you were, may not be who you will be. I’ll expand on this in another post, but I wanted to touch on it. 

I think it is really important to know who you are as an individual, but I also recognize that it takes time to know that and that person can change throughout time. 

So, who am I? I’m Mia, a kick ass woman, wife, mom and friend. I believe that everyone is born to do great things, on always trying to find that silver lining, and making sure to take care of yourself. I find joy in the little everyday moments and in cosy nights at home with my husband in children. 

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The Case for Realness

Sometimes I feel like as Mom’s we feel like we have to spin either this everything is perfect facade or gosh this whole parenting gig is hard. And honestly, you’ll get judged either way you fall. On the “everything is perfect” side of things, you are told that it isn’t realistic or you’re not sharing everything. On the “everything is shit” side of things, you are told that you shouldn’t share those moments publicly, OR maybe you should realize just how lucky you are to have children. No matter what you share, you’ll be judged. 

So why do we try so hard to fall into one or the other? Why can’t we just all be real, 100% of the time? And why, if we all decide to be 100% real, can’t we all support each others choices?Why not put that judgement hat aside and just be a shoulder to lean on? And more importantly, why do we all put so much stock into what others think of us? We are all going through life and motherhood. What works for one, won’t work for all. 

I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t normally post or share about the harder times, not because they don’t happen, but because it is hard to get away from wanting to feel like we’ve got it all together. Because it can come across as not loving motherhood in some ways to some people. I love being a mom, am so blessed to have our two boys, and that doesn’t change because I share the hard moments (and we all have those hard moments). The temper tantrums. The days where it feels like all hell will truly break loose.

In our house, some days are like the first picture. Happy, perfect days where we all get along and things are just good. Some days are like the second picture, where it feels like a never ending thunder storm. Most days are a combination of both pictures with good moments and a couple of harder ones. And sure, I don’t LOVE the hard moments, sure on the days where it just feels like a never ending temper tantrum I may post about it, but I still LOVE being a mom. You can’t take the good with the bad and I know down the line, I’ll miss when the thing they cried about was not being able to pull apart two legos or wanting that extra piece of candy they couldn’t have. 

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