Real Talk: Holiday Stress

Oh the Holidays. The most wonderful time of year. Maybe.

I like to think that there are three categories of people around this time of year.

Category A) The Grinch. The one’s who enjoy making a mockery or being in a sullen mood this time of year. This DOES NOT include folks that are actually depressed this time of year or who take the holidays especially hard due to family loss or personal loss. I could not even begin to empathize with that and if you are someone who has a tough time with holidays, I am so incredibly sorry. This are those people who are just grinches in good form. My husband is a member of this category (although he is getting better now that we have children).

Category B) The jolly go with the flow-er (think Cindy Lou Who’s dad). This category is for those who just go with what the holiday season brings. They want everything to be perfect, but know that it will be perfect because that is just what it is. They don’t stress over decorations, over baking, over making everything perfect and just enjoy the holiday season for what it is.

Category C) The Mayor of Who-Ville. This is the category that I think a fair amount of people fall into. The one’s who stress about having everything just so, who want to be able to have all the cookies, who want to buy everyone the perfect gifts, who want to capture all the smiles on camera. Those who want Christmas dinner to taste beyond amazing.

I think most of us fall somewhere in between Category B and Category C (with maybe a few more in the Stressful Category C). The holidays can be stressful and they coincide with the end of the year, which depending on what you do can be stressful in itself. The idea of getting all of the gifts, everything wrapped and hidden from prying eyes, making sure that everyone gets their Christmas cards, that everything is planned for Christmas eating and THEN to go back and plan a whole bunch more for New Years can set anyone’s head spinning.

I am here today to tell you to STOP.

This whole trap of making everything perfect during the Holidays is a dangerous one that can leave us forgetting the whole point of the Holidays. Setting aside any religious aspects, the whole point of the Holidays (at least for me) is being with family. Seeing and being with family trumps anything else that can happen. The whole idea of being present in the moments when my children see the Christmas tree light up for the first time that year. Or seeing their faces Christmas morning when they come out to sugary treats (usually Cinnamon Rolls, Pancakes, or Waffles) and the excitement of a present or two for them to open.

If we spend our time stressing about gifts, wrapping, cooking, etc, we lose sight of the important moments. Honestly, your children will not care if the tree is absolutely perfect, they will not care if you do not make every type of cookie that you wanted. What they will remember and care is that Mommy or Daddy were not there. They weren’t smiling and laughing with them. If you are working yourself into stress, or panic over getting everything accomplished, let something go. It will not ruin your overall Holiday.

So, if you are heading into the next couple of months stressing, let it go. Let whatever is going on go and remember what the Holidays are really about.

 

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If You Could Do Anything…

IMG_7190.jpgI’m curious…if you could do anything, anything at all, what would you do? What is it that your soul yearns for? What is that you want to do, above all else.

Say the stars aligned right now, money, time, family, nothing was getting in the way of you chasing your dream…

What does that look like for you? Is there a way to make some version of that happen?

For me, my dream is two fold.

First, I would love to have a little book shop in a little town that offered walls and shelves lined with books, a little café with some tea and baked good offerings. Somewhere where anyone could find a small comfort, friendship, a safe space to just sit for a spell.

But I also want to do MORE with life (not that owning my own place wouldn’t be more). I want to inspire. I want to create a space for people to just not feel alone. To feel like there is someone else out there who gets it. I love to write. I love to write blog posts, to write short stories, and I’ve loved the beginning process of writing my book.

For years, I dreamed. I constantly thought about what I wanted to do, made plans, made goals for a future that I could have. For ways that I could live a life that I loved and was passionate about beyond being a wife and a mom (which were always dreams).

I’ve managed to live out my dreams in a way. To find a way to bring my passion, what sets my soul in place, to fruition. Now, I don’t own a bookstore, but I do share and talk about books over on The Cosy Book Shoppe. It was also an online store for a little while. Through that I’ve created a book community with the blog, the Youtube vlogs, and our book club. AND I’ve got this blog. This blog that allows me to share little bits of myself with others. To hopefully help others with my stories, my insights, my day to day.

So, to come full circle with my original question, is there a way for you to live out your dream, now? What is holding you back? Is it time? Is it family? Is it funding? Is it fear? Is it not knowing what exactly it is that you dream of? Is it dreaming of so much that you don’t even know where to start? What is it that is stopping you?

Tell me, what do you dream of doing and what is stopping you from doing it?

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Personal Development Book Challenge: Update 1

Good morning! You may remember at the beginning of last month, I posted about doing a Personal Development book challenge. I asked for recommendations and boy did yall give me some! You can see that original blog post HERE.

Today I am going to share the books that I picked out of the recommendations, as well as share my thoughts on the two that I have read so far.

The Books that I picked:

I picked a total of 5 as that is what I think is a reasonable amount to give me a jumping off spot. There were a couple that, to be honest, I had no interest in based on what I know or have read about them, but the few that I did pick I was excited about.

  1. Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
  2. The Book of Awesome by Neil Pasricha
  3. Mastering Your Mean Girl by Melissa Ambrosini
  4. Boss Bitch by Nicole Lapin
  5. The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor

As of writing this first update, I have read Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert and I am halfway through The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor. So far, I am finding that a lot of Personal Development books are about taking what you want to take from them and discarding everything else.

Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert (the same person who wrote Eat, Pray, Love) is about not letting fear get in your way in the realm of creativity. I’m going to be honest, there were parts of this book that I rolled my eyes at. That is just on a personal level, but on the whole I actually did take some things away from the points she was making. The biggest take away being, to create as if no one is consuming. I have a major fear of failure (one that gets in the way of me accomplishing a lot of things I think I could) and while I try to practice the whole “Dance as if no one is watching” it was something to realize how much I wasn’t doing that. So, a good one for the challenge and a book that on the whole I think is good.

I’m currently (as of writing this) halfway through The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor. I’m going to be brutally honest here, this book is a bit of a letdown. I’m applying the concept of take what you take, discard the rest and I’m not really taking much away from it. It’s a bit cold in reading it, a bit scientific. It vaguely reminds me of Quiet (however I loved that book), but not in a good way. So far it is listing quite a few studies and finding of things that I already know. I’m only halfway through, so we will see if it goes up from here. I think this one (and The Book of Awesome) may have been one of my tops from my list and so I think that is playing into my disappointment level as well.

So, that is my first update! I will try to update every couple books or so until I finish them. I may continue on here and there to talk about books that I am reading in future posts as well.

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Time Management : My Daily Breakdown

I’ve been talking about Time Management for a couple of posts now and wanted to give an example of how I apply what I’ve been talking about to my own days/weeks/months. It may seem complicated, but it actually isn’t. I just treat most of my tasks as “jobs” that I have to complete everyday. I also do have a part time job that I work the same hours for everyday. I find that I need to have a bit of structure to my days as I work from home and so this is what I do.

To start with: I use a paper planner (insert gasp here). If you’ve been following along this past year, you will know that I am a pen and paper kinda girl and prefer to write things down. It’s a kink in my brain that I just remember and feel more organized when I can write something out. I personally use and love the Day Designer planner system. There is a spot for me to mark out my time during the day, along with a daily to do list, top three priority list, and a couple other little boxes. I’ve got the perfect amount of room. I’ve used the Flagship for 2018 and loved it, although I am thinking about getting a mini for 2019.

The first thing I do is write down my to do list. I color code everything based on what it is for. Each color represents something different, household chores, appts, blog, business, work, etc. I put EVERYTHING on my to do list. Not because I need reminded of it, not because I want to feel “busier” than I am, but simply for the satisfaction of having checked it off. I won’t forget to dust the Living room on Tuesday by any means, but I like to keep track of everything that I am doing. It’s also key when you are first trying to develop a habit, or get back into a habit. I will also mark down in the notes section when a package is supposed to be delivered as our post people don’t ring the doorbell when they deliver…we’ve had packages just sit in the rain all afternoon because of this.

The next thing I’ll do is block out my times every day. I may be a little crazy about my time, but my days are usually planned to a T. I work weekdays in the afternoon for my job, so my mornings are spent with my children, writing, doing household chores, at appointments, whatever else. I’ll notate if I have a blog post or video going up that day, what time it will be at, as well as any appointments. This gives me a pretty good sign of what my actual day is going to look like and helps me narrow down my top three.

The final step is determining what my “Top Three” are for the day. I don’t always do this, but if I’ve got a lot going on, and am not sure if I will realistically get to everything on my to do list, I”ll mark down what I think I need to prioritize. Some days my to-do list becomes a list of other things (such as future posts I want to do, different things to order), things that don’t need to necessarily need to be handled that day, but that I want to remember for a future day. So, having the Top 3 can focus my mind when I do get a chance to work on items.

Once those three steps are complete I’ll briefly look at my day again and mentally block times out to accomplish what I need to accomplish. For example, I typically write my blog posts mid morning (like 10ish), while drinking my second cup, so I’ll try and make sure any cleaning I need to do is done between breakfast and mid morning. Since I work all afternoon on weekdays, any top 3 items that are non work related have to be done before 1pm and I’ll take that into account (as I don’t necessarily write everyday).

Most days I am able to cross everything off my to do list by using this system and most days I feel really productive! Of course, there are days that it doesn’t happen. I am living life and some days we just chuck the to do list and play all morning instead or I’ll spend a morning reading. That is ok and because of my time management, I know that I can make up anything missed on another day.

How do you do your Time Management? Do you have any tips or tricks?

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Thanksgiving Memories

Oh Thanksgiving. A holiday for eating, for being with friends and family, for remembering all of the good, and acknowledging what we are thankful for. Above all, thanksgiving for me has just always been about family. Spending a full, wonderful day with family and friends; laughing, creating new memories and inside jokes. It’s never really actually been about the food and eating (although that is always a fun side note). All through

As I sat down to write this post I was trying to think of what I actually wanted to say. I could list what I’m thankful for (which I will actually do in a bit), but I felt like I wanted to do more than just that. I could reminisce on past Thanksgivings, but the problem is I don’t have too many memories that really stand out to share that would make sense (the only one that comes to mind is one I’ll share below). I could share favorite recipes, outfits, decorations, etc. None of it really feels “right” and rather than not marking the occasion, I figured I would embrace that feeling and go with it.

I’ll start with my thankful list. This past year we’ve been so blessed with good food, good friends, and incredible experiences. I am thankful for those that have come into our lives this year, thankful for our boys who continue to show us how incredible life can be. I’m thankful for my husband who has supported me throughout the obstacles of this year. I’m thankful for our family, who we have seen quite a bit of this past year. I’m also thankful for YOU. You who are (and have been) reading my words that I write every week, commenting, following along on our journey. Thank you.

I want to share a quick Thanksgiving Story with you, our very first thanksgiving together.

We had been dating/together for about 3 ½ months when Thanksgiving rolled around. For me, those 3 ½ months had started with a blow up with my mother (due to my moving out of her house), a turning point in my relationship with her, and this Thanksgiving was not only the first time that Rob was meeting her, but also the first time that I would speak with her in those 3 months. Talk about stressful (although I don’t think Rob was outwardly stressed, he had already met my father and that was the hard one).

Thanksgiving was being held at the son of some family friends house. I had never attended a Thanksgiving by myself (even if this was technically with family and close friends, it was my first time being considered “separate” from my parents in terms of guest list) and I hadn’t the first idea what to bring. I wanted to be a good guest and polite, so I spoke with our family friends and tried to get some ideas. I ended up settling on dinner rolls.

***Real fast, let’s recap so we can set the scene. Me and my mom blow up and haven’t spoken in 3+ months. Rob’s never met my mother. My parents are putting on a good show, but I don’t think that they were in the best place of their marriage. All while being held at the child of a good family friends house…awkward***

So here we come, walking up the drive, store bought dinner rolls in hand (I seriously cringe at that memory, I would never now bring what I brought to a dinner I was attending). At the time, I hadn’t had the foresight to at least put the rolls into a nice container, or present them in a way that was more than just an after thought for the day. I was so nervous about what was to come.

***The dinner rolls actually ended up becoming the “joke of the day” and really lightened the mood. ***

Somehow we arrived before my parents did, so we were able to settle in and relax a bit before they walked through the door. I do remember us all (dad, me, Rob, family friends, right before my mom walked in) sitting around the back patio table talking about the latest expensive purchase (gun related) and the tension rising when my mom came out the backdoor. I think it may have been the most tense, awkward moment of the day. My mom was the epitome of polite, introducing herself, making polite chit chat, although I can’t deny that there weren’t a couple of snide glances or comments made in my direction. It was nothing serious or truly bad.

Once the moment passed, all went surprisingly well. We ate, we all made conversation, we left with our dignities intact (aside from me and my dinner rolls- which became the punch line of the day). I don’t know what I was actually expecting, but now it’s a funny memory to look back on.

Do you have a good Thanksgiving memory to share? What about a I’m thankful list? Share in the comments!

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Making Your Marriage Your Priority

 

You hear it all the time “Take care of your marriage. Make time for your spouse. Your kids will grow up, they will move away and it will just be you and your spouse again”. I think it is probably the most common piece of advice expecting parents get. And in a way it is completely true. I mean, your kids will grow up and they will find their own lives. You will still be important to them, but as they grow they become more independent.

That’s important, but, also important to note, is that what your children see in your relationship with your spouse, their parent, is what they will view for themselves when that time comes. The interaction between you and your spouse is the first model to them of what a marriage or partnership looks like. And so, for both those reasons, it is important to focus on your relationship with your spouse.

But how do you do that? How do you make time for your spouse when it feels like your children have sucked time out of you (that sounds a lot worse than it really is, I promise)? Whether you work out of the house or are a Stay at Home Parent it is tough. Regardless of what you do, you are trying to meet the never ending needs of your children, being both the constant entertainer, teacher, mediator (if you have multiple children), protector, and guide. Your days are long (although the years are short) and when the day is over it can be so hard to want to stay up a little bit later and be present for someone else.

Taking time for your spouse is just as important as taking time for yourself. They say that you can’t take care of others until you take care of yourself. Well you and your spouse can’t effectively parent and be married if you are not taking care of each other.

It doesn’t take long, a simple 5-10 minutes to just see how they are doing. To check in with them on how their day was. To remind them that they are doing a good job. To tell them that you are proud of them. To give them a little peck, or shoulder rub. These little gestures, little moments of contact goes so far into “keeping the spark alive”.

Don’t wait till your one night (keep reading for that), do it now. You don’t need grand gestures, flowers or chocolates. Most of the time you just need a moment. A moment of just you and your spouse where you only focus on each other. A moment can be all it takes from going to bed feeling like a disaster on all fronts to going to bed feeling on the same page as someone else.

Take a night, once a week. Stay up later, cuddle on the couch, make it a point on that night to put away all the distractions and just focus solely on each other. It doesn’t have to be a go out to dinner and a movie date night, it doesn’t have to even be a get a sitter night (keep reading though for that…), it just needs to be a night where you can be with each other. *You can read about our take on this HERE.

Take a night out, wherever fits into your own budget, get a sitter and go do something outside the house with your spouse. Whether that’s dinner, a concert, a hike, whatever, get out into the world. Remember what it was like to go on a date with your spouse. Take a couple of hours and remember what life was like before you had babies crying at your feet, or a toddler needing help going to the bathroom. Hold hands while you are walking, sit across from each other and have discussions without having to reprimand your children halfway through a sentence. I gauruntee you and your spouse come back to the house 100% refreshed and ready to tackle those moments. We are homebodies so we don’t always do date nights like this, but we are getting better about it.

Finally, look back through your photo albums. Walk down memory lane. Remember that first date? Remember your wedding day? Look back through the photos, you’ll be surprised how many little memories pop through your mind and remind you what that moment was like.

How do you and your spouse place your marriage first?

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What If You’re Not A Morning Person

You hear it all the time, the most productive people are morning people. You will succeed in life if you are a morning person. Get up earlier, get more done. If you’re not a morning person, here is how to become a morning person (oh Hi- I’m guilty of doing that one too, here’s my post if you want to read it).

I’ve been guilty of being that person too. I PERSONALLY feel that I get more done, feel more together, and just feel better, when I get up early and have an earlier start to my day. Part of this comes from having two very young children, close together in age, that are always exploring and needing attention. Once they are up, and until they go down for naps, most of my attention is on them. I also work and run two blogs, so this means if I want to workout, do my hair and makeup, etc, I have to be up before them doing that. I have found that FOR ME this are essential to my overall well being.

Here’s the thing though, in all of our hurriedness to get everything done, get to the top of the chain the fastest, and to be viewed as a success, we have forgotten that we are not all the same. We are not the same person, we do not share the same interests, we do not work the same way, we do not all thrive under the same instances.

So, I am here to tell you to forget everything that I have ever said about being a morning person. Actually, if we want to be a Morning Person (because you want to try it, or feel like you would be better getting up earlier), then go back and read that blog post and give it a shot. Don’t feel like you have to though because, honestly being a morning person is not a necessity to being successful. Let me repeat: BEING A MORNING PERSON IS NOT A NECESSITY TO BEING SUCCESSFUL.

 Did you catch that? Maybe go re read it? Got it? Ok. Now, let’s talk about what is a necessity to being successful. TIME MANAGEMENT. If you know how to use your time properly and appropriately to be at your most productive, it doesn’t matter what time you get up or what time you go to bed. Time Management is your best friend. It is what allows you to be productive, to feel like you’ve got your “life together” and what allows you to be successful in what you are doing.

I’ve touched on Time Management before…kind of. I don’t have a full post devoted just to Time Management (but stay tuned, it’s coming!), but I’ve talked about Routines (HERE), Priorities and Prioritizing (HERE), as well as my own planning (HERE). However, that being said, I do have a post coming this next month talking all about Time Management and putting my thoughts from those three separate posts into one easy post for you!

 

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The Personal Development/ Motivational Book Challenge

Alright, I’m going to admit this one very unpopular opinion…I’m not the biggest fan of “self help”/personal development or motivational books. Maybe I’ve only gotten duds, but they always feel just a bit off to me. I get the whole “ra ra get your life together” feeling, but in the same book it also will make almost excuses for everything else going on. I’m more of a swift kick in the ass kinda person (haha kidding…maybe). Sometimes all we need is a blunt approach, rather than a soft it’s ok, you can accomplish it all now doing it this way. IT ALL DEPENDS ON THE PERSON, SITUATION AND MINDSET.

With all of that being said, I feel like maybe I’ve just gotten a couple of duds of self help and motivational books. With the year coming to an end, and everyone doing some reflection and planning for next year, I figured now may be as good a time as any to re evaluate my thoughts on Self Help and Motivational Books.

Here’s what I want to do…a challenge of sorts for the next month-ish. Tell me in the comments below, in comments on my Social Media Post, in an email or direct message, whatever, what is a self help or motivational style book that has changed your life. That you really found meaningful, was chock full of knowledge, that just changed your outlook. I will make a deal to read 5 of the most commented books over the next month (or two depending on how long they take).

If I haven’t read it, I will add it to a short reading list and I’ll start reading the books that you’ve recommended! With each book read, I’ll make a blog post detailing the recommendation, what the book focuses on, and my thoughts about it. Help me find some motivational reading that will change my life!

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The Spider-Pocalypse : A Light Hearted Story about a Facing an Invasion of Our Worst Nightmares…

***Disclaimer: this is completely true story. This fear is very real. I know that there could be a lot worse and is a lot worse going on in the world. This is intended to be a light hearted attempt poking fun at my own fear.***

She woke early one morning, full of excitement for the upcoming day ahead. Quickly changing from her pajamas to her yoga clothes, she was looking forward to taking her morning flow/practice outside. It was finally starting to get cool enough (and not crazy muggy) to do her Yoga on the back deck and she had been eagerly waiting for this moment.

There is just something special about taking your practice outside, surrounded by all the wonderful morning sounds: birds chirping, breeze flowing through the trees, and of course a sunrise that only dreams contain. Perfection.

After changing, throwing her hair up into a loose pony, and brushing her teeth, she grabbed her mat and headed to the back door. She was about to crack it open when she saw it…

A spider. Suspended in mid air (in its web of course). Just hanging out. Blocking her way of getting to the back deck.

“No” she thought to herself. “No, no, no. This is NOT happening”.

In her mind, it was the beginning of the end.

***Now, I suppose I should clear something up. She was TERRIFIED of spiders. Borderline Arachnophobic and while bits of her fear were rational, for the most part it was a completely irrational fear. ***

Determined to still feel calm, she did her morning practice in her living room, curtains open, and tried to go about the rest of her day as if there was not a killing machine in the form of an innocent bug right outside her back door.

The next morning dawned, the spider was still there, this time joined by two more outside of other windows. This WAS not ok for her. She was FINALLY getting the cooler weather, where it wasn’t so oppressive to be outside and she couldn’t even enjoy it?!

***I suppose I should also mention that she did not kill spiders. Every time she had tried to, she didn’t actually succeed in killing the spider in the first attempt. I could go into a whole separate story about this, but we’ll just leave it at she was almost as scared to kill a spider as she was of the spider itself. As I stated earlier, irrational.***

Over the next few mornings the number slowly grew. When it reached 5, she told her husband that something needed to happen. They had to go. They couldn’t enjoy the weather they were waiting all summer to get. So, that weekend he went out to handle the situation.

10 spiders gone. 10 spiders. Spiders she hadn’t even known were there because she couldn’t get onto the back deck to see where they were. Spiders under the deck. Spiders in the back yard, the side yard. 2 had even caused her husband to remark on the size! She followed and counted as he kept spraying and spraying. Once it was done, she thought they were good to go on the spider front.

And they were. For a week or so.

Morning dawned clear. There was a brightness to the morning and as she opened up the blinds in preparation of her day she had a smile on her face. That is, until she saw it…

A spider. In the outside corner of her bedroom window. Hanging out in its masterpiece of a web (pun completely intended).

***If this sounds like dejavu, it completely is.***

“Is this ever going to end?” She thought to herself. They had just handled this and she thought they would now be good for the year.

Not a day later, she found three more spiders, one hanging out in their carport, another the other right next to their front door, one just off the front porch. Front door spider made getting the mail a lot of fun. Her older son loved the spiders. Every morning for the week the one was outside their bedroom, he would come in in the morning and watch it. His favorite? The morning the spider was eating it’s meal of an unsuspecting bee. He thought it was really cool, she did not really think so.

Her husband found the fact that the spiders had returned comical. She knew that he would eventually either handle the spiders again, or maybe they would move on their own, but until then he would get a good chuckle out of the whole situation.

The weekend came and her husband decided to power wash bits of the front of the house. This took care of two out of the four spiders. The spider right outside their window was a speedy one and moved just fast enough to avoid being sprayed by the water. It clung to its web in an upper corner and there it stayed for a little while longer.

Eventually that spider moved its web to another part of the house and all was well…for now…

***Authors Note: I know that once again, this is a ridiculous thing to get out of sorts with, but I’m trying to poke a little fun at my own fears and silliness from my day to day. Please treat it as just the lighthearted giggle that it has become. Also, in case you’ve seen on my SM, I wrote this at the end of September/Beginning of October. Since that time we have had a resurgence of Spiders. Rather than me continue to add on to the ridiculous length of this story, just repeat the couple last paragraphs over again in your head. I guarantee it was about the same reaction on all fronts. I hope you enjoyed!!

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Say Something. Tell Someone.

From the outside looking in, we were a happy family. How could we not be? All three of us, smiling cheery faces, eyes barely showing the cracks within us. And for a time we were happy. I’ll not deny that we had happy moments as a family. Moments that weren’t besieged with fear, with watching every step, every word.

From the outside looking in, you would NEVER have known what happened behind closed doors. You would never had known what fear the young girl was experiencing, what anger the mom was trying to control, or that dad was unaware for most of it.

That’s the thing about abuse. You don’t know. An abuser excels at hiding in public. A victim learns to shut up and become as little as possible. To not bring any attention upon themselves. Bruises can be hidden/written off/explained. You don’t truly know until someone says something. And a lot of times, when someone speaks up others don’t believe them. Especially in cases like mine, when we appeared to the world as a happy family.

But that’s one of the keys to healing, to moving forward. Say something. Tell someone. Speak up.

Living with abuse, or even living after the abuse has ended is like living with a constant weight. The weight of this enormous secret. Something that you’ve never talked about. It is a weight on your shoulders, a weight on your chest. It governs your every move, your every word, your every decision. Your every breathe is tainted by the weight of this secret. Even if you have left the situation where the abuse has occurred, your abuser still has power over you with this weight.

That’s the thing about abuse that no one really talks about. You leave, get out, walk away and it still follows you. It follows you mentally, emotionally, and physically. The weight of this secret is usually a big factor in the healing process, a big factor in all three of the ways abuse follows you.

Talking about it, telling someone, starts to lift that weight. It allows you to feel as if you can breathe again. You don’t have to tell the world, you don’t have to make any crazy public display, just tell one person. A friend, a stranger, a loved one. It doesn’t matter-just someone. Start lifting that weight off of your chest and start taking back control of yourself.

In fact, from my own experience, I had some folks who knew us as a family be shocked when I first spoke out. It was a surprise to some, not so much too others, but overall if I had never said anything no one would ever have known. I also knew though that I wanted to take back control. I wanted my voice back. I wanted to be “normal”.

While I’ll never be “normal”, I have become a person that I like again. I am no longer a shell, scared of the slightest thing. I’ve no longer got a weight on my shoulders/chest controlling everything. The first time I told someone that weight started to lift.

Talking about it, sharing my story, even just to one friend who already had an idea that something wasn’t right, allowed me to breathe a little easier. And slowly, ever so slowly because the healing process takes time, I started to take back control by talking and by writing.

I’ve faced some backlash, and I know others who have faced even more backlash than I have, but the freedom that we feel, the relief, that’s feeling of being able to breathe-that feels better than the backlash that comes. You may lose friends, you may face some backlash, BUT the freedom that you will get, the feeling of relief, the ability to breathe again without this weight. That is something amazing.

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