From the outside looking in, we were a happy family. How could we not be? All three of us, smiling cheery faces, eyes barely showing the cracks within us. And for a time we were happy. I’ll not deny that we had happy moments as a family. Moments that weren’t besieged with fear, with watching every step, every word.
From the outside looking in, you would NEVER have known what happened behind closed doors. You would never had known what fear the young girl was experiencing, what anger the mom was trying to control, or that dad was unaware for most of it.
That’s the thing about abuse. You don’t know. An abuser excels at hiding in public. A victim learns to shut up and become as little as possible. To not bring any attention upon themselves. Bruises can be hidden/written off/explained. You don’t truly know until someone says something. And a lot of times, when someone speaks up others don’t believe them. Especially in cases like mine, when we appeared to the world as a happy family.
But that’s one of the keys to healing, to moving forward. Say something. Tell someone. Speak up.
Living with abuse, or even living after the abuse has ended is like living with a constant weight. The weight of this enormous secret. Something that you’ve never talked about. It is a weight on your shoulders, a weight on your chest. It governs your every move, your every word, your every decision. Your every breathe is tainted by the weight of this secret. Even if you have left the situation where the abuse has occurred, your abuser still has power over you with this weight.
That’s the thing about abuse that no one really talks about. You leave, get out, walk away and it still follows you. It follows you mentally, emotionally, and physically. The weight of this secret is usually a big factor in the healing process, a big factor in all three of the ways abuse follows you.
Talking about it, telling someone, starts to lift that weight. It allows you to feel as if you can breathe again. You don’t have to tell the world, you don’t have to make any crazy public display, just tell one person. A friend, a stranger, a loved one. It doesn’t matter-just someone. Start lifting that weight off of your chest and start taking back control of yourself.
In fact, from my own experience, I had some folks who knew us as a family be shocked when I first spoke out. It was a surprise to some, not so much too others, but overall if I had never said anything no one would ever have known. I also knew though that I wanted to take back control. I wanted my voice back. I wanted to be “normal”.
While I’ll never be “normal”, I have become a person that I like again. I am no longer a shell, scared of the slightest thing. I’ve no longer got a weight on my shoulders/chest controlling everything. The first time I told someone that weight started to lift.
Talking about it, sharing my story, even just to one friend who already had an idea that something wasn’t right, allowed me to breathe a little easier. And slowly, ever so slowly because the healing process takes time, I started to take back control by talking and by writing.
I’ve faced some backlash, and I know others who have faced even more backlash than I have, but the freedom that we feel, the relief, that’s feeling of being able to breathe-that feels better than the backlash that comes. You may lose friends, you may face some backlash, BUT the freedom that you will get, the feeling of relief, the ability to breathe again without this weight. That is something amazing.


First I am going to touch on where I “display” them all. I’ve got a cabinet that is in our living room, and most live on the top two shelves, with a couple on the bottom shelf (the bottom display shelf is mostly tea). I’ve got them grouped together: the top shelf being my The Cosy Book Shoppe Mugs, my Rae Dunn larger mugs, my Inky and Indigo collection, and the middle shelf being my Anthropologie, Emma Bridgewater, and miscellaneous (which changes as I pull out the couple of seasonal mugs I have…yes I have a couple of seasonal-aka Christmas-mugs). The rest of the mugs live in the inner cabinet (not shown here) and they are the mugs that are lesser reached for at this time, there is one mug in there that I still reach for semi regularly), or have sentimental value.


Breakfast: Nothing too terribly exciting, I tend to stick with the standard of eggs for breakfast. This particular morning I decided to go for Scrambled Eggs with ground black pepper on buttered toast. I normally like to have some berries or melon with it, but we didn’t actually have any in the house on this morning. I drank a breakfast tea blend (a personal signature raspberry blend with some Scottish Breakfast mixed in) as well as some more water.
Lunch: My favorite thing to eat for lunch is salads. I’m a big salad fan and find it a perfect halfway through the day meal. It’s filling enough, and a healthy go to. This is just a standard, almost garden salad. It’s got lettuce, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, croutons, parmesan cheese, and a yogurt (or dairy free) based dressing. Again, to drink I have some water.
Mid Afternoon: I tend to have a little bit of a snack in the mid afternoon. I am not necesarily very hungry, but it is a good pick me up when I am hungry. I try to keep any snacks I have light and healthy (although I have been known to have a cookie every now and then instead of fruit) and stick to fruit. I am a big pear fan and will normally chop one up to snack on as I work. I also typically have an earl or lady gray cup of tea.
Dinner: Ah, dinner. This is the time that I “shine”. I love to cook and love to make homemade meals for my family 6 out of the 7 nights a week. I try to vary it as much as I can, although we are all big Italian food fans. This particular evening was our Anniversary so I made a family favorite, Lasagna Stuffed Shells. These are super easy to do, relatively quick (minus the oven part), and like a said, always a big hit.

Ah something new. I’ve been thinking long hard about this. Do I want to do it. Can I do it. How do I do it. All thoughts that have been swirling around in my head for the last couple months. I’ve come to a decision that rather than just continue to wonder about it, that I would just take a chance. Give it a shot. If it works out and goes the way I am planning, then perfection! If not, then maybe timing just wasn’t right. Either way, I’d rather at least try then continue to sit and ponder and wonder what if. That’s not something I’m good at (although sometimes I am, and in those case I almost mull it over for too long and then the spark passes).
