Introverted Like Me

Fun fact: I’m an introvert.

Now, if you’re wondering, “But Mia, how is that possible?” “You’re always talking and sharing and seem so outgoing”. (You’re probably not wondering any of those things, but just in case…)

Fun fact #2: Introversion and Extroversion is not how you interact, BUT how you recharge. What feeds you. There is more to it than just that, such as how you prefer conversations, large groups, small groups, what your conversation consists of, etc, BUT the basics of it is how you recharge.

I HAVE to have that solo time. I recharge in the peace and quiet on my own. If I am  around people and crowds for too long I become stressed and irritable and if I don’t get that chance for quiet I get downright angry (and honestly-mean).

Here’s the thing- I can be a very social person. I do enjoy meeting people, talking to people, hanging out with friends, and even enjoy our very loud playgroup time. BUT these situations exhaust me by the time they are done. Once it is done and I can get a little piece of quiet in my own home to recharge my batteries, I feel better. That is introversion in a way that you may not recognize.

Another aspect of introversion is your friendships and conversations. I will get into this more in a post coming up, but a lot of time introverts have small friend groups, preferring one on one or two conversation  than a large group of people. I honestly have never been one to have a “large group” of friends and, aside from a random high school moment (because who doesn’t have one of those), I’ve never cared about being popular and talking to every single person.

I say all of this because there is so much pressure in our society today to always be outgoing, to talk to every single person, to have a large group (or following) to back you up. . It is something that our society recognizes as success and that if this is not you, you are not (or will not) be successful.

I tried to be the outgoing person, talking to everyone, calling everyone a friend, constantly trying to do things and it just wasn’t working for me. So, I changed what I was trying to do to meet everyone else’s expectations, to what would actually work for me. You know what happened? I was happier, had better friendships (that were actually real friendships), and felt more like myself.

You don’t need to always be getting out, talking to every person around trying to make lasting friendships from everyone (unless that is what you want and what works for you).

You do need to make sure that you are doing what works for you.

And, if you are anything like me, that means maybe a little social- attending playgroup, story time and the like for the kids, coffee with a friend or two for myself- and a little rest and recharge at home.

Round The Kettle Ep 15 – The Serious Conversations

I had a conversation with a friend this week talking about a couple of things that I haven’t really been able to talk about with friends before. We covered a variety of topics and it was kind of refreshing to just talk with someone else about different topics that have been circling in my head. I’ll be honest- while I haven’t been burrowing into my books (my version of burying your head in the sand), I have definitely avoided certain conversations…

You know the ones…

Politics, Religion, Current Events.

It feels like nowadays if you want to make/keep/cherish a friendship you shy away from these subjects.

Maybe that’s an exaggeration. Maybe our friendships should mean more than the things we disagree on, but I’ve seen so many relationships dissolve over these types of conversations. All out break up? Maybe a smidge dramatic. A slow backing away though? Definitely.

But you know what? I want to have these conversations. I want to hear what others think. I want to learn about others viewpoint, how they learned, what they believe. I WANT TO UNDERSTAND. I want to have these conversations without risking losing a friendship over a differing opinion.

I like to think of myself as an open minded individual. I also like to think of myself who likes to talk deep, go deep in the conversations, to talk about the big issues. When I have a conversation with someone where we disagree, I almost enjoy that more than when we agree on everything. It gives me a chance to learn, to understand something in a different light, to see what has us thinking differently. And sometimes through these conversations, my mind will shift. I may even start to see things differently myself, or see them even more in what I originally thought. Either way, these conversations are GREAT to have.

That is if the other person is willing to be open minded and ready to listen.

You could argue, “Mia, you aren’t choosing your friends wisely if you can’t have these types of conversations without risking friendships”. I don’t know that I necessarily agree with that. I feel like there are different types of friendships and I can have these conversations with some and not with others. That’s ok and I feel like that is pretty normal.

With all of that being said…

Do you know this feeling? Have you ever felt this way? If you have, I’m curious how you handle it? Do you have certain people that you have these conversations with? Do you get really active in the internet world having these conversations?

I’m not going to be bringing this stuff to the blog or anything like that. You will start to see some posts geared towards things that I am passionate about, but haven’t talked a lot about (I’ve mentioned all these things at some point though). BUT I won’t be straying far from what I’ve already been doing. This is just something I’ve been thinking about this past week.

Let’s Talk About Insecurities : A Two Part Challenge Pt 2

Last week I posted about my insecurities. I shared what I thought insecurities were, as well as what my own insecurities are. I encouraged you to share your own insecurities. Today, I want to talk about overcoming, or dealing with, those insecurities.

If you would like to recap the Challenge post, you can do so HERE.

I’ve always been pretty open about when I’m feeling low, or when I’m struggling with my insecurities. I feel like that is the best way to deal with those feelings, not in a way for people to comment building you up or shower you will compliments, but in that you can hear from others who may have the same insecurities. Or those who have had those insecurities and have found a way to work through them.

I don’t have the answer of how to overcome them, because I don’t know that is necessarily a “right” way to do it. I feel like we are always going to have moments of insecurity. We are all going to stumble at a time, have that little voice whispering in the back of our head. Rather than “overcoming” the insecurity, we need to find a way forward. A way of saying yea that isn’t my favorite feature or my favorite feeling, but I am still over here doing my thing, feeling great, living my life to it’s fullest.

Two of my biggest insecurities, my white legs and my hips/belly. For a long time I wouldn’t wear certain clothes because I was worried about it and actually for a long time I’ve gotten comments about my legs being so white. This may sound silly and you may be wondering why I don’t go do a fake tan or something along those lines- believe me I’ve tried. And to be honest, I’ve reached a point that I really just don’t care. It wasn’t overnight and it wasn’t something quick. It was just a process of wondering why I cared so much over my legs.

Am I still insecure about them at times? Sure, but the more that I put “my legs” on display, the more I wore dresses, shorts, and such, the better I started to feel.

And I honestly think that is how we have to handle our insecurities. We have to confront them head on, show the bits that we are worried about, confront the things that we are unsure of, and the more we do that, the better we start to feel. We have to talk about what we are insecure about, sharing it already lessens some of that fear, and then figure out what we can do to become more comfortable with our insecurities.

For me, that means wearing dresses/skirts/shorts, putting my hair up in a bun more, and being a little bit freer about my hips. I do love my body and I can say right now I’ve never felt better in my own skin. I wear what I love and feel good in, whether I may feel a little more uncomfortable or not. After an hour or so I’m so wrapped up in whatever we are doing that how I look starts to fade away.

It also means jumping headfirst into things that I worry about. If there is a post that I worry about that typically mean that I am on the right track and need to simply hit post. In fact, if there is a post that I am insecure or worried about, I will typically write it and then schedule for a date in the future. By scheduling it I am less likely to go back in and remove it and it is also just not sitting on my desktop with me worrying about it. I just do it and get it done and then try my hardest not to think about it.

So, what can you do to put your insecurity out there? To get more comfortable about area’s that you are uncomfortable with? Leave a comment below to tell me what you will do to answer the Insecurity Challenge.

Motherhood and You

Motherhood is all consuming, a never-ending cycle of care, but don’t let it consume you. Don’t simply become “mom”, don’t lose yourself, who you are, in caring for your children. Don’t cling to them as they start to grow up and grow away. Being a mom may be the most important hat you wear, or title you receive, (however you want to think of that), but it is not solely who/what you are.

All too often, starting almost immediately after birth, we become consumed by being a mom. By taking care of a little human being that depends solely on us for EVERYTHING (daunting, so daunting), by trying to be everything for this little being, and all too often we lose who we are in the process. We become so wrapped up in that “mom” role that we don’t take care of ourselves (a post for another day), we don’t take care of our significant other, we don’t take care of our friendships.

These things start to fall to the wayside, and it isn’t until we are a couple years in (or longer for some) that we realize that we don’t know who we are anymore. We have become a mom, the greatest blessing of all, but we’ve lost who we are in the process.

This is a normal thing that just about everyone experiences to varying levels. That isn’t to say that we can’t get back to who we are, or avoid this entirely, I’m just saying that this is a normal thing to go through. In fact, even the most prepared parents (the ones who swear that parenthood won’t change them) go through a level of this. It’s a natural instinct when we have a child that our world changes to revolve around this baby and it’s a very sweet time in our lives (postpartum depression/anxiety/and other issues aside). That doesn’t mean that it lasts forever. Our children will grow, they will mature, they will become independent and need us as parents less and less. That change is why it is important not to lose who you are when you become a parent.

How do we handle this? How do we allow motherhood/parenthood to take over our lives, and still maintain who we are?

Little things. What do you like to do in your free time? What did you like to do before you became a parent to relax?

Did you like to exercise? Find a gym that has childcare. Have your significant other take over the parenting duties for a few hours while you hit up a workout.

Did you like to read, write, watch TV, YouTube, etc.? Great! Naptime and after Bedtime are great opportunities to do these! (In fact, I squeeze a lot of my reading time during naptime and after the kids go to bed).

Did you like to shop or explore new areas? Perfect, you can do that with baby OR if you want baby free time, have your significant other or family watch the baby while you get a little break.

The main takeaway from this is not to have time away from your child, although that is needed too, but to find time within your day to do what works for YOU. What makes YOU happy. So much of motherhood is spent tending to others (and not just your own children, being a mom turns you into everyone’s mom) and it is easy to lose ourselves in that. So so easy to be swept away taking care of everyone and everything else.

If that is what fills you up and makes you happy, perfect! Do more of that. BUT don’t forget to take a little breath for yourself.

Big things. Find time for you and your significant other to have a little time together at the very least once a month. Take care of that relationship or it will fall to the wayside. Check in with each other throughout the day, send that sweet little text. Have a moment while the baby is napping. Hire a babysitter when baby is a little older to get much needed date nights in (no matter what those actually look like).

Everyone says that one day your children will go up and leave and then what will be left is you and your significant other. This is true, but what is more important is the example that you are setting for your children. From the get-go, our children learn from us. They see what a stable relationship and family looks like from us, so water your own marriage and your children will see how to water their own (when that time comes).

Make sure that you and your spouse are on the same page as situations arise so that you can be a cohesive unit. Parenthood can help your marriage thrive and grow into new heights, or it can fall to the wayside. More than likely it will ebb and flow between both (again, completely natural), but the continual watering will help everything stay on a balance to continue to go towards success and happiness.

Ultimately, motherhood is a phase of life. For those of us who are mom’s (in any form) it is an all-encompassing blessing. It never ends and takes a lot of who we are. BUT it doesn’t have to be solely who we are. We were somebody before we were “mom” and while being mom takes precedence, don’t say goodbye to who you are. She is still there, and she should be able to shine as well.

Round The Kettle Ep. 12: A Piece of Life Advice

Happy May and welcome back to Round The Kettle. I took a little bit off of Round the Kettle during April as the end of the month ended up getting much busier and much more tiring. I also had a bit of a moment in April and I really just needed to step away for a minute. I always want to transparent and honest, show the bad alongside all the good, but I felt like I wasn’t really in a good space to do that without it becoming…too much, so I just stepped back. Sometimes that is the better option.

So, how are you? Did you have a good April? Are you ready for May?

I do want to touch on one aspect that I want to share about. There were a couple days in April (before our weekend trip to Amsterdam) that I was just struggling. Struggling with being in a hotel with, at the time, no end date in sight, both boys starting to act up out of sheer boredom and me just getting frustrated with EVERYTHING. It wasn’t that I needed a break, or we needed to get out more, or anything, I just needed to vent. I just needed to unload all of the things that were building up in my head, in my body, all the tension that I was holding on to…all while trying to just stay as positive as I could. There is so much good that outways the little bit that’s bad. It’s tough to face that inner turmoil of wanting to focus on the positive, of needing to focus on that, but getting bogged down when the one thing that you can’t do much about is the bad bit.

Have you ever had that conflict? Where you felt like you shouldn’t complain because there is so much good, so much to be thankful for, but sometimes you just need to?

Finally, I broke down to my nearest and dearest friend. I said all the things that I was feeling and then I cried. I cried for a long time. I wanted to feel better, to get back to that positive mindset that I have, to look at all the good and be thankful for what we had, instead of focusing on everything that was driving me nuts.

You know what she said to me?

Its OK sometimes to say to yourself this sucks. Its not the same as wallowing in it but its good to let yourself have the right to those feelings sometimes..PNG

She followed that up with a couple other gems, but what stood out to me was this one:

“Just let yourself have a moment of, this (right here) sucks, but this (over here) is good”

And something about both of these things really just connected with me. Something clicked and while I still took a little bit in the afternoon and took a minute to just cry and be in that “this sucks” headspace for a little longer, I felt a lot better. I was able to get through the rest of that week, get to our weekend getaway and come back feeling so refreshed.

So, let my nearest and dearest’s advice to me, be advice to you as well (she’s amazing).

And now, I’m ready to conquer May AND conquer the rest of our hotel stay (more on that much much later in the month hopefully).

May is going to be one of those busy in the best kind of ways months for us. We’ve got a lot of travel planned and not a lot of rest and relaxation planned. I can’t wait to share all of our travel with you for the latter end of the month, as well as some planning and fashion posts as well. I’ve also been trying to “future plan” as we are coming up on the end of another quarter, the mid year point, and realistically just an overall very busy time for us.

I want to take a moment to ask you, what do you like reading? What posts have you enjoyed? Are there any posts that you would like to see in the coming months? What do you like that I talk about the most? This will help me pare down some of the posts and ideas that I have in mind and really have posts that you enjoy.

How Do We Handle The What If

You know that little voice in the back of your head? The little one that only comes out at times when you least need it. The one that offers negative opinions, snide comments and criticisms. That little voice is a right old arsehole (yep-went there) and we all have one.

So, let’s put a little scenario together. You have just made a rather big life decision. You’ve decided to…I don’t know…start a podcast or a blog (because this has to be believable/realistic, but not purchase related). You’ve written your first blog post or recorded your first podcast and have everything set to upload and publish. Everything is done it is just a matter for the day to come that everyone can read or listen to your words.

That little voice creeps in…”What if no one reads it”…”What if someone listens and doesn’t like what I have to say”…”What if they expect more from me than I can deliver”…”What if I am absolute rubbish at this”…And on and on it goes.

How do we handle that? What brings this little voice on?

Is it a lack of self confidence? A desire to please people? A fear of failure? Is it caring a little too much about what people think of us?

Is it all of the above?

I like to think that I am a fairly confident person, that while I want to help people and make them happy, I can’t and not everyone will like me. I’m ok with all of that. I like to think that I’ve overcome a lot of my fear of failure (which I can talk about separately if you’d like). Yet, I still deal with that little “What If Arsehole”. “She’s” a rude voice right in the back of my head that has me questioning myself from time to time.

How do I handle “her”? I don’t. “She” asks me questions like the above all the time. I overthink decisions, I second guess myself, and on occasion “she” has gotten the best of me. I would say 80% of the time I just try to ignore “her”. I try to push further because most of the time “she” comes out when I am on the right track. When I am getting ready to do something awesome (if I can say that), but every once in a while “she” does win. This is a time when I don’t have an answer.

I’m wondering if you have an answer or how you handle your “What If Arsehole”. Where do you think “she” comes from? How do you tackle the self doubt? Let me know in the comments below.

 

 

A Little Post About Friendship Groups/Tribes/Villages/Whatever You Want To Call It

I originally titled this blog post “I Don’t Have a Group, and That’s OK” and while that is the overall narrative of my post I felt like it did a disservice to the friendships that I am forming and do have, the people that I would consider a friend “group”…so I adjusted it J

How many times have you heard “Find Your Tribe” or, “My Mom Group”, or really anything along the lines of find your people? I’m betting it’s a lot. Our society is hyper focused on grouping people together. It’s nothing new, it’s always been something that we’ve done whether it be in a positive or negative light. Since social media has become such a large part of our lives it has become even more prominent. You’ve got your followers, your circle of people in your corner of the internet. You find “influencers” talking about how great their tribe is. You find salesman talking about how you can join their team, so great to be part of a team, yada yada yada.

They speak about these teams/groups/villages/whatever you want to call them as if they need to be large numbers. As if you need to surround yourself with many people, all who have your back and all that you would call your friend.

But do you really need that large amount? Do you really need them all to be local?

***Let me say this first- I do believe that it takes a village at times. I do believe that having friends nearby, in your area is essential. I believe that you should always have one or two people in your area that you can count on. If anything, just for your sanity. ***

I don’t think so. I personally don’t want to have a large friend group. I have a select amount of friends (and I don’t say that in a snobbish way AT ALL) that I talk to quite a bit. These are people that I would call in a pinch, that I can tell anything to, that I can count on at any point in time. It is a very SMALL amount. I don’t consider it a group as we are all different and my friendships with each person are different (but the same), but they are my friends. I cherish their friendships and hold them close.

That’s not to say I am not a friendly person. I’ll say hello and have a conversation with almost anyone. I’m talking about friendship, true friendship- that is what I limit. To me, and I think to most people, it doesn’t matter if you know 50 people, if you can’t talk to them, confide in them, trust them, then it doesn’t help.

That may be a harsh way of putting things, but in this I am blunt. Maybe that’s because I’ve people assume that I am not friendly or don’t have a lot of friends. Maybe it’s because I constantly see people bending over backwards to make (and call) everyone they meet friends. I find that that popularity contest that we all felt in Highschool is still VERY prevalent in adulthood.

I guess what I am trying to say is that it is better to focus on quality rather than quantity. That’s what I do and what I would encourage you to do as well.