Friday Morning Cups

To anyone that’s reading this-this is important. Read on because I have a little story to share.

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This past week had a couple of rough spots. A couple of days where things just overloaded. Where my patience really stretched thin and things started falling through the cracks. My fuse seemingly disappeared and while there wasn’t any sort of breakdown or really bad moments, it was just a week that wore on me.

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Sunday morning I decided to take a little breather. To get out of the house by myself, go to a coffee shop and sit, read and re charge my batteries. I came back to the house feeling so much better. My attitude had shifted. No longer did I have a zero fuse, no longer did I find myself yelling or snapping. I got the to do list done in record time and all with a little smile on my face. I was a better wife and a better mom.

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Now my husband isn’t one to really comment on this type of thing BUT even HE noticed the shift. He told me “If 45 minutes to yourself is all it takes, so that everyday”. He got it. He saw the shift and it clicked.

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Everyone- that time for yourself is SO important. I talk about this so much because it makes a huge difference. That saying is true- you can’t pour from an empty cup.

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Real Talk: Identity

identity

noun iden·ti·ty \ ī-ˈden-tə-tē , ə- , -ˈde-nə- \

1

a : sameness of essential or generic character in different instances

b : sameness in all that constitutes the objective reality of a thing : oneness

2

a : the distinguishing character or personality of an individual : individuality

b : the relation established by psychological identification

Who are you? What do you believe? What drives you forward?

Those may seem like daunting questions, especially if you don’t know the answer, but they are important to find out for yourself. There is a place for everyone in this world, you just have to find your space. Where you want to grow within yourself and as a part of your community. Where you feel that calling to be. All three of the above questions tie together to make up your core. From your core, you can make changes, you can make a difference in your life and others.

So, how do you figure out what your identity is? You live your life. From a very young age we start to figure out our likes and dislikes. We fall in love with places, things, ideas. We develop opinions and (hopefully) get into conversations with others about our opinions. We are exposed to new situations, constantly learning through each new problem, conversation, or experience. And slowly, through all of these, we start to get the groundwork for who we want to be. What we believe. What we want to do with our lives. In some cases we develop a strong case of identity very early on, but in most cases it takes until our mid 20’s before we really have a strong self of sense. 

While you may have a strong sense of self and have figured out who you are, it’s important to remember that we are constantly evolving and changing. Our identity shifts with new life changes and experiences. And who you were, may not be who you will be. I’ll expand on this in another post, but I wanted to touch on it. 

I think it is really important to know who you are as an individual, but I also recognize that it takes time to know that and that person can change throughout time. 

So, who am I? I’m Mia, a kick ass woman, wife, mom and friend. I believe that everyone is born to do great things, on always trying to find that silver lining, and making sure to take care of yourself. I find joy in the little everyday moments and in cosy nights at home with my husband in children. 

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The Case for Realness

Sometimes I feel like as Mom’s we feel like we have to spin either this everything is perfect facade or gosh this whole parenting gig is hard. And honestly, you’ll get judged either way you fall. On the “everything is perfect” side of things, you are told that it isn’t realistic or you’re not sharing everything. On the “everything is shit” side of things, you are told that you shouldn’t share those moments publicly, OR maybe you should realize just how lucky you are to have children. No matter what you share, you’ll be judged. 

So why do we try so hard to fall into one or the other? Why can’t we just all be real, 100% of the time? And why, if we all decide to be 100% real, can’t we all support each others choices?Why not put that judgement hat aside and just be a shoulder to lean on? And more importantly, why do we all put so much stock into what others think of us? We are all going through life and motherhood. What works for one, won’t work for all. 

I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t normally post or share about the harder times, not because they don’t happen, but because it is hard to get away from wanting to feel like we’ve got it all together. Because it can come across as not loving motherhood in some ways to some people. I love being a mom, am so blessed to have our two boys, and that doesn’t change because I share the hard moments (and we all have those hard moments). The temper tantrums. The days where it feels like all hell will truly break loose.

In our house, some days are like the first picture. Happy, perfect days where we all get along and things are just good. Some days are like the second picture, where it feels like a never ending thunder storm. Most days are a combination of both pictures with good moments and a couple of harder ones. And sure, I don’t LOVE the hard moments, sure on the days where it just feels like a never ending temper tantrum I may post about it, but I still LOVE being a mom. You can’t take the good with the bad and I know down the line, I’ll miss when the thing they cried about was not being able to pull apart two legos or wanting that extra piece of candy they couldn’t have. 

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Friday Morning Cups

IMG_5577Thursday Morning: “Today is going to be a day that tries me and a day where I just have to keep reminding myself that I am enough. That I can handle what life will throw my way. That I’ve got this. Every once in a while we need to remind ourselves of that (whether it’s a bad day or not) and since I am needing that reminder today, I’m sharing it with you. You are enough. You can handle what is being thrown your way. You got this <3.”

A little backstory- for the past few days our older son has been waking up earlier and earlier. He is so “easy” in the morning (just give him a little drink and he will quietly play until breakfast), so I wouldn’t normally have any issues. These past couple days though, you can tell the whole getting less and less sleep has started to take its tole on him. You can tell that he just hasn’t been getting enough sleep, but he won’t go back to bed.

Thursday was kind of my breaking point because as soon as breakfast came along the whining started. The whining subsequently turned into a full blown temper tantrum. It’s hard because he doesn’t have the words or knowledge to truly VOICE the problem and the only way to really help him is to just be that calming presence. THAT is HARD though and when it is the end of a long day, where that has been the role to play over and over and over again, it gets hard.

So, I needed to take a moment. To re center. To remember that I can do this. That I am enough and further, I am exactly the parent that my child needs.

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A Week Away…These are the Moments

This past week we went on the first of our two summer vacations. This first one was a special one as we decided to take a somewhat “spontaneous” trip to see some family. I say somewhat spontaneous as this was not in our original plans for this year, but rather we decided it about a month to a month and a half out. 

We’ve got family getting ready to move out of the country for a little bit and this was going to be the last chance to really get to see them and have the entire family together. It was also a good chance to get the boys together with their cousins and for us to just get a little bit of a break. We loaded up the car and headed on our way…

However crazy this past week has been between teething, sleeping, noise, and food, it was so so SO much fun! I always love being around family and it is such a blast to watch all of the grandkids playing together. The boys had so much fun playing with their cousins and ALL of the toys. They got to not only play with new toys, but the amount of learning that happens with that is so good.

We had fun getting away from work and catching up with family. It is good to just be able to disengage from your normal. To be able to break out of that routine and just breathe easy for a little while. Not have to almost rush through your days to get everything done, everyone fed and happy. It was nice to just focus on the boys and my husband for the week. 

It is so important to be able to get this time away; not only for my husband and I, but for our children as well. They can pick up on so many tiny little emotions and while they may not understand what it means, they can understand when Mommy and Daddy are tired/stressed/have a lot going on. They also then get stuck into these little ruts and getting out of that routine, even for only a couple of days (less than the week we did this time) is good for everyone.

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To My Boys Who Made Me A Mom

To my boys who made me a mom-

I’m going to go all mushy and disorganized here for a minute-although what else is new?

Sure this day may be all about appreciating Mothers and all that they do, but I want to take a minute for the boys (and my husband) who actually made me a mother.

When we first found out I was pregnant with our first, there was a nervous excitement. This was what we had wanted. What we prayed for. What would change our lives forever. We experienced that same feeling (then followed by a whole lot of sickness) with our second.

While I may remember what life was like before kids, I can’t imagine our lives without these two. These boys are the lights of our lives. They have brought such a happiness to our family and home. Watching them grow and learn has been the greatest joy of my day to day.

I love you both so incredibly much (so much so, sometimes it hurts) and thank you for letting me be your mom. For giving me the ultimate blessing of motherhood. I will always be there and will always work hard to be the best mom I can be for you.

To my husband- I couldn’t do this without you. Aside from the obvious biological reasons, I couldn’t imagine raising these boys or living our little life we’ve made without you.

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Motherhood.

Your whole world changes. You hear the heartbeat on the Ultrasound. You feel those light little kicks in your belly. Those first few contractions and signs of labour. Hearing the cry of your child for the first time. All those months of growing, planning, preparing and suddenly there he is. That little boy that you had once dreamed of having. Tears slowly start to fall from a cocktail of hormones, relief, joy, love, exhaustion, and a little bit of pure happiness mixed in. I remember both of those moments like it was just one minute ago. I remember the moment when the boys went from being a movement in my belly to a baby on my chest. Each time my life (and my husband’s) drastically changed.

I would not change it for the world. 

Motherhood is giving your whole life, your whole being over to someone else. Each of my boys has a piece of me that I will never get back. I love that and I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world. Not on the days that my patience is put to the test. Not on the days where I feel like I’ve failed them. Not on the days where I know I could give just a little bit more. Because that is Motherhood. 

I say all of the above, and now I’m going to say that Motherhood is not just taking care of your children. No, it is taking care of everything and everyone. Motherhood is becoming selfless in almost all senses. 

{I say almost because I still 100% believe that you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others and to do that you must be selfish at some points.}

It is taking care of your children, your home, your significant other, yourself. It is learning how to balance all that life has to offer, to not only survive, but thrive in. It is learning how to fill your cup up while filling up others as well. It is finding your voice and using it. It is becoming the strongest person that you (and your spouse/children) know. It is about finding the good moments even when it seems like everything is rough. It is all these things and many more. 

For all of that, I salute any mother. Right now, I say thank you. Thank you for everything that you do. 

There is something that just clicked when I became a mother. Everything fell into place and even though I struggled (and boy did I struggle with our first), I knew, inherently, that I was doing exactly what I was meant to be doing. I was blessed with these little boys; to raise them, guide them, be there for them. It’s only the second time I have felt this overwhelming true feeling. 

It’s scary as hell, knowing that you are responsible for these little beings. That they are wholly dependent on you for a time, and at times I sure have wondered if I’m doing everything right. I’ve had plenty of moments of questioning myself, feeling like I’ve failed at one aspect or another, but in those moments I just try to remember that this is what I’ve been meant to do. 

I firmly believe that we are given no more than what we can handle. That even when life and things seem so overwhelming, that we can handle it. So, we carry on and move forward. We put our heads down and get through the rough phases because we know, that not only can we handle it, but that the other side of this phase is going to be wonderful. We try to survive and thrive in the rough phases and sit back and enjoy the smooth phases. 

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Raising Boys Episode 1: What I Didn’t Fully Appreciate

When we found out we were expecting our first, and that it was going to be a boy, we were inundated with helpful little tips, tricks, and ideas on what our like would start to be like. Of course, we had both been around children before and had a general idea of what raising our little blessing(s) would be. Then when we were expecting our second boy, again, a new level of tips and tricks of what having multiple children (especially boys) would be like. 

Fast forward about 2.5-3 years and we have actual knowledge of what raising our little blessing(s) is like. For the most part the actuality followed along with what our general idea was, but there are a few things that I feel like I hadn’t fully understood, until we had two boys. I figured this would be a fun little way to talk about the partially unexpected things that I have discovered along the way. 

Now, a couple of things before we begin. You may have seen some of these before, but I’m going to repeat them because they are true (and I didn’t fully appreciate that fact). While most of these are my experience with raising two boys, I am not going to be talking about the whole concept of anatomy when it comes to boys. I haven’t fully encountered those situations yet so maybe I’ll talk about that in a later posting? I do not plan on this being a one off thing. I think it would be fun to do these every once in a while just to see how things change, how the boys grow, and how my take on this changes. 

I will also say that at the time of this 1st edition, my boys are 2 years (and a couple months change) and 10 months old. 

  1. The noise level is beyond your imagination. I thought I knew noise. I thought I understand noise. I didn’t. To be honest, I’m fairly positive that this is just a general kid thing, but holy moly we have a very loud house at this point in time. Maybe at some point, our oldest will stop running laps around the house yelling at the top of his lungs, and the main communication between both boys will not be screeching. Maybe. 
  2. The energy level is beyond my wildest dreams. Again, this is probably just a general kid thing, but I swear our oldest just has some hidden unlimited store. He could rival the Energizer Bunny. Nothing seems to put a dent in that hidden energy store. He will spend an hour just running laps through our upper level and be completely fine. Our younger one isn’t quite up to his level, but he is getting there as well. I am awaiting the day that we can start to put them in sports, because I think they will both love them and hopefully it will use up some of that energy!
  3. The “fear factor” is non existent. There is not a lot that phases or scares either of our boys. They just go full speed ahead to whatever, whether that is climbing on the couch or running down a hill or wrestling with each other (yes we’ve already entered the wrestling phase- ugh). The wrestling one is the one that I watch a little closer as our youngest is still a little young for all the craziness, but they both really love it. And again, no fear when it comes to any of it. This was a hard one for my momma heart to adjust to, but it just kind of comes with our territory. 
  4. The amount of love they have to give is incredible. Boys are seriously just the sweetest. They catch in those unsuspecting moments and just melt your heart away. I am continuously in awe watching the two of them bond and just give love not only to each other, or to us, but to everyone around them. Our oldest just smiles and talks to almost anyone (we are starting to work on the whole concept of strangers), and our youngest is starting to warm up to people. It just warms my soul. 

So that is what I’ve got for the first edition! Have there been any bits of advice that you got that you didn’t full appreciate until you had kids? I’d love to hear them!

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Having a Ball – These Are The Moments

Every once in a while it is vital to take a step back, step away from the hum drum and routine of life and do something special. For marriage it is so important to take some time to just be a spouse for a little while, instead of a parent and a spouse. We can get so sucked into the routine of every day and almost just going through the paces of life that we forget or end up neglecting some aspects of that life. 

This past week was so insane between all of our schedules and what was going on, that by the end of it, I definitely needed a good amount one on one time with my husband. Some time to take my mom hat off and just be a wife. Luckily we got to have a little bit of a formal date night as we attended a ball! This gave us the perfect chance to get all gussied up (something we rarely actually do) and have a little alone time! We sent the boys to our friends (and neighbors!), so we even got that parenting break. 

I realized that it had actually been so long since we had any sort of real date night. Our normal little weekly date nights that I’ve talked about had fallen to the wayside with our schedules, and we really just needed some time to each other. To be able to connect, to talk without our 2 year old interrupting, to just be husband and wife for a little bit. 

There is something so special about that bond between a husband and wife. It is always there and always present, but still needs to be nurtured. A garden can’t bloom without being watered regularly (how many times have you heard something similar in regards to marriage lol) and it was time that our garden got a little more water. 

I have to say, being able to come home after the ball, lay on the couch and not have to worry about a baby crying, our toddler waking up early, or realistically anything other than just laying on that couch with my husband was pretty fantastic. I also have to say, after the week that we have both had, being able to connect like that, was so special and so important. 

When we woke up on Saturday morning (absolutely exhausted by the way), I knew that we had gotten exactly what we needed. Yes, I woke up with an immediate desire to see our children, but I also woke up in a comfort state. The one that is a lazy morning, snuggled up with the person that I love most in the world. It has made all the difference in the world, not just for me as a wife, but me as a person and me as a mom. 

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Mid Week Meltdowns

Almost every week, like clockwork,  we have one day that is just all around rough.  A day where it just seems like both boys spend the day in tears, fighting, or just overall in a yuck mood. It has become such a part of our life, that I have coined the term “Mid Week Meltdown” to put a name on that day. Mid Week came from the fact that it is typically on a Wednesday. The exact middle of the week and both boys just go off to another world. Mid Week Meltdown days typically look something like this:

Now, we don’t experience this every single week, but it does occur quite frequently. While I don’t have a perfect way of dealing with these days, I have honed down just a couple of tips to keep myself sane, and then in turn help me help the boys out. This definitely isn’t perfect or even the best answer, but I have found that on days where nothing seems to be working, these are the things that I try to keep in mind on these days.

The first thing I try to remember is that it is just a phase/day/season. It will not stay forever. These rough days (or even full patches) are just that. They will come to an end, and both myself and our children will come through them with new tools. No matter how long the time may seem, it will resolve (or it’ll be bedtime haha).

The second thing I try to keep in mind is that my oldest is only two years old. He doesn’t possess the full vocabulary and knowledge to express everything that he is feeling/going through. Hell sometimes he can’t even truly express what he actually wants. Their brains are developing and while we can (and do) teach him, there are times when he just isn’t able to communicate what exactly it is that he needs in that moment.

What I have found in dealing with this is that alone time can be crucial. Hear me out with this one as it is an important lesson to learn, even with newborns. When the point comes (and it will come) that quite honestly NOTHING seems to be working. No tool in your toolbox is helping yourself or your kid and both of you are reaching the end of your rope, separation is key. Honestly I find that putting our oldest in his room- separating him from not only whatever it is that is causing the frustration and from me (who at this point is dwindling and holding on by a single piece of hair) solves a lot of the issue. We both have a chance to cool down, me in the quiet, him in the sanctuary of his own space, and just a few minutes later we re unite and are actually able to talk (and hug) and all is right again.

I don’t treat this as a time out. He has had time outs before and with those his toys are picked up off the floor in his room and he has a set period of time. This is more of a comfort time. Where he just needs the sanctuary of his own space where he can just take a moment to collect himself. We all need this time, even as adults.

Now, heading to rooms and walking away is not the first choice. It is not something I do right off the bat. I usually try and work with our oldest and see if we can work together to figure out whatever is causing the problem. However there are times where the only thing that will really work is him going into his room and take a little break. When these times come, I am more than happy to let him go into his room, his sanctuary, and take a moment to himself. 90% of the time he takes a couple of minutes, calms down, and it’s as if nothing ever happened. We have some squeezes, a kiss and off we go to play.

Have you experienced a meltdown? What are your tips?

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