What I Wore pt. 1: Ditching the “Mia-Form”

I’ve never really been super into fashion. In fact, most of the time by the time I got “ballsy” enough to try a new trend or style it was usually out of style. Most of the times my style extends to jeans & a t shirt with a pair of boots or sneakers. 

When I joined the working world I switched to office clothes, but when we moved, had our first child, and I started working from home I headed right back to the jeans & a t shirt “uniform”. It is so easy for something that seems so simple, so insignificant to symbolize much more. Being a mom, often times we forget about doing the little things, such as trying to put ourselves together in the morning in more than the first thing that comes out of a drawer or closet.

One of my biggest tips, not only in life, but especially in being a mom and working from home is to not just live in your pajamas all day long. Getting into some sort of clothes (whether that is leggings and a tee, or a full on business outfit is up to you) is such a big boost to your day and productivity. It can make the difference between crushing your to do list, or falling flat. Not too mention that you appearance can be similar to a first impression of who you are. What do you want to say with your clothes?

I say this because I was starting to hit a bit of a plateau in my wardrobe and my day to day. I wanted to kind of get away from that jeans and tee look some days, but still remain somewhat casual as I am home most days. I found that jeans and tee were starting to be similar for me to just wearing sweats and I found that some days I felt like I just looked a mess. 

Slowly but surely I’ve been breaking that mold and while I still love a good ole jeans/t shirt option and wear it semi frequently, I’ve been trying to put more intention into my outfits. Putting on a skirt or dressing up a pair of jeans.

I decided for the past week or so to capture the outfits that I’m wearing each day as this past week has really been my turning point if you’d like to say. I’ve been doing a wardrobe clear out over the past couple months and I’m starting to really hone in on clothes that I’m comfortable with that aren’t just t shirts.

I would say at this moment, my style is comfortable with a bit of a twist. While I want to add a couple more dresses, a couple pairs of slacks, and another skirt to my closet, I feel like I am heading in the right direction for what I am wanting to accomplish. 

This was actually quite a bit of fun for me to do and then look back on. I might start doing this seasonally/quarterly and while I am definitely not a fashion guru in any way, I do not want to put up a clothing or accessory type post eery once in a while. 

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A Fresh Outlook pt. 2: Fitness and Exercise

I’ve always been an active person. From being a competitive figure skater, to playing soccer, to hiking and walking trails, I’ve always loved to have some amount of physical activity in my life. Sometimes that was just a simple walk at lunchtime, other times spending a day on the weekend hiking trails and discovering new lookouts. 

From about the age of 5 till 15, I was a competitive figure skater. This called for a very intense workout regiment and constant physical strain and pushing my limits. While I did enjoy it and learned a lot of lessons, it definitely took its toll on my body in many ways. When I stopped Figure Skating, I jumped right into playing Soccer for a little while. Another very vigorous and physical sport, but I loved it. I didn’t play for too long due to switching schools and I wish I could have played more and really honed my abilities. I definitely really enjoyed it. 

After participating in both of those activities, combined with heading into college, I decided that I wanted to start hiking and exploring rather than just playing sports all the time. With that decision though, I stopped being AS active in my everyday life. Shortly after that, I started working in office jobs and wasn’t able to just head out and go for a run in the middle of the day, or take my lunch break to work out. 

While I still maintained an active lifestyle over the past 3-4 years, there was a big change in how active I was. I was sitting more and more during the day and when I would get home I would be sluggish and not as active there either. I found that I missed those every day moments of activity and that adrenaline and endorphin rush that comes from working out and pushing your limits. 

A couple months before the New Year (2018), I quietly started working out again. Just 30 minutes early in the morning, before the boys woke up, down in our basement. I used a business that I had found through Youtube and just did a video or two (depending on length) in the morning. I eased into it, as they can be intense) starting at 3 days a week and leading into every weekday. 

I’ve now been working out everyday since January and, like eating healthier, I’ve seen such a shift. After a workout and a shower, I feel so good. I feel like I can take whatever the day throws at me, which is a big thing for me. I’ve also noticed, that while I was able to hike and walk trails for a while earlier, that has changed. I am able to go for longer before getting tired, go up higher, and even now carry my children longer if needed. 

I’ve always known that exercise plays a huge role in how you mentally and emotionally feel, but I didn’t know how big of a role it plays until I wasn’t able to work out for about a week. I definitely noticed a bit of a change just in the way I handle things. With that only lasting a little under a week, it wasn’t a huge deal, but I can definitely see how that change could grow if it was longer. 

At this point, I usually do the more intense workouts 3-4 days a week and then incorporate a little (about 15-20 minutes) of yoga 2-3 days a week and on the weekends. I really like yoga for just calming down and re centering (it also is a good workout just in itself). 

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Memorial Day

məˈmôrēəl ˌdā/

noun

noun: Memorial Day

  1. a day on which those who died in active military service are remembered, traditionally observed on May 30 but now officially observed on the last Monday in May.

Today is a special day. As you go about your holiday, having out by the swimming pool, having hamburgers/hotdogs, or just enjoying a relaxing day off at home, take a moment to remember what this day is actually about. Remember to pay respect to those who died defending our country. They put themselves in harms way to protect what we hold dear and made the ultimate sacrifice. Remember them. 

It can be as simple as a moment of silence to reflect, or you can go and visit a cemetery. Just do something to keep that memory of those that gave so much alive. They deserve it.

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Friday Morning Cups

Every once in a while I will post something on Social Media that I want to have a longer “effect” of have be part of my archive with A Cuppa Cosy. It may even be something that I want to expand on and couldn’t within the constraints. 

Whenever I run into this situation, I will post them on here, on Friday mornings, titled Friday Morning Cups. Intended to be read (as all of my posts are) over a cup of coffee or tea and maybe, if you are so driven to, start a conversation if needed. Maybe not, Sometimes they will be fun and light hearted, other times a more serious tone. Either way, for whatever reason, I want to make a spot for this type of post. 

Here’s the “inaugural” post, from earlier this week. 

5160350240_IMG_2611In an effort to be completely open about my Eating Disorder…I’ve had this Garmin watch for 6 months and I had a Fitbit watch for about 2 years before that. I’ve always been a huge fan of fitness trackers and have really enjoyed being able to just kind of see where I am at with my exercise and my movement throughout the day. With where I was at in my recovery, I was still able to manage wearing a fitness tracker, see what all was going on, and be OK. 

Of late though I’ve noticed a shift in my thought process towards my Garmin. To be more clear, I’ve noticed a shift in my thought process as to what I was tracking with it. I noticed some old habits starting to creep back into my mind. Some old thoughts that I hadn’t heard in a few years. 

I noticed of recent how bad these thoughts had actually gotten. Funny how that realization often times doesn’t hit until it is full on in your brain. I am still over all in a good place in my recovery. I’ve not relapsed, but I have noted those thoughts. I will not let those thoughts win. I know where I am at in my life and, more importantly, I am HAPPY with where I am at. 

To expand…I am at my healthiest, my happiest, my most confident and self assured. I”ve never felt so good about myself and what I’m doing with my life. Even with all of that and feeling so incredible, the littlest of things can attach in my mind and start that spiral. 

This post is to show that there is no end. Recovery is on going and what may have been ok at one point, may not be ok anymore. Remember what those thoughts sound like and do not be afraid to break away from whatever is bringing those thoughts back into your mind. Even if that something is something that hasn’t been an issue before. 

For me- I’ll be saving this watch for when I workout. 

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A Fresh Outlook pt 1: Healthy Eating

*Small disclaimer- I did use to have a very unhealthy relationship with food and eating. I am still recovering and dealing with that every day. You can read about that HERE. I feel comfortable talking about this as I am in a relatively good place (with only a few rough days) and this mind shift has really helped me. 

When my husband was a Drill Sergeant and had a crazy schedule, meals became whatever was quick, easy, and there wasn’t much thought put into them. We were often eating dinner late at night due to his hours (we always eat dinner together and I wasn’t changing that) and I was a big snacker throughout the day. It wasn’t until we moved that I was able to implement a real change in our eating. 

When we moved almost 2 1/2 years ago I decided that we were cutting out the processed crap. I was going to cut all of those box dinners and get back to cooking meals. My husbands schedule tamed down a lot, didn’t have so many crazy or odd hours, and we were able to start meal planning a little better. Changing dinner meals was the easiest with of our lives and we’ve never looked back to those pre boxed quick meals. I actually can’t believe we ate as many as they did as most aren’t super good in taste.

The process of cutting out the junk food was a much harder road to travel. I am a huge snacker and for me, the only way to cut junk food was to cut out most of the snacking. I started by eating a proper breakfast in the morning and then really trying to focus on eating when I was hungry, rather than when I was bored. I also started to try and look at what I was actually eating, rather than just reach for whatever. 

At this point, I’ve cut soda to one a week, plain water and hot tea during the day to drink, popcorn (my guilty pleasure) once a week, and no other chips or really candy. I eat 3 meals everyday, and then if I still feel like I need a little more I’ll reach either for a bar or some fruit. 

To say that I have felt a shift is putting it very mildly. I’m not being “cooky” when I say it was like coming out of a fog. It is absolutely insane to realize how much just eating chips, or having some candy, or even a single soda can really do to you. Not only does my body just feel so much better and healthier, but mentally it is a whole separate ballgame. I find that I am much more even keeled and I don’t constantly just feel yucky. 

I would say the moment that everything clicked was when I was a few weeks clear of chips and candy. I really just felt light and clear in my mindset. I felt like I was just in a better state across the board with my body, my mind, and my emotions. I was able to just do much more because I didn’t have the extra “junk” of junk food in my body. 

That was when it clicked in my head. What fuels our body? In a very literal sense what fuels our bodies is what we actually put in. A lot of how we feel physical and even emotionally can be related to what we are consuming. Our bodies need nourishment in a most basic sense and what you put in is what you will get out. 

This is not only something that I learned not only throughout recovery, but in just experiencing different things in life. What I eat is more than just what I eat. It relates not only to my body, but to my energy, my mood and just my overall health. 

When you look at the idea of food being your fuel and you look at the big picture of what you are putting into your system, you start to get a crystal clear perspective.

Just a few years ago I was eating junk food all the time. I had chips and cookies everyday and a soda almost as frequently. We were having pre made box dinners at dinnertime (mostly out of ease and quickness of preparation than anything else) and while it didn’t seem so bad at the time, looking back I see just how bad I felt.

Hindsight is 20/20-although at the time, I very much knew that I wasn’t the healthiest with my eating habits. At this point we are eating almost all home cooked meals (there are a couple of exceptions here and there) and it has made such a difference. In fact, I would say eating healthier has made more of a difference than the workouts I’ve done. The workouts are great and needed, but where it all begins is with what you are consuming. It’s not a hard change, it just requires a little more thought at the outset. Once you feel the difference, you won’t go back to any previous eating habits. 

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Hitting a Road Block

Like any other person, I have my moments. I have my days, sometimes even my weeks. No one’s life is always perfect and I DO NOT want to even begin to portray that. I have always said that the biggest thing that I strive for (in all aspects of my life) is honesty. Always authentic and always 100% honest in what I share. This is my real life and when I have a hard time I don’t want to sugarcoat that or fake those very real bits of life. Sharing those moments is hard, but I feel like it is so so important so that we don’t get caught up in the wave that can be portrayed everywhere you look of perfection.

Life is a roller coaster ride. Some points are really low. Sometimes you have quite a hill to climb to get out of those low moments. This past week was that low point. 

I am a person who thrives on organization almost across the board (fun fact, the only exception to this is when we go on vacation). I can “go with the flow” at times, but mostly I thrive on having a general/rough outline of what is going on. I thrive on writing down my to do list every morning and checking off each thing as I go along. I thrive when I have a plan of action and when I can move forward with that plan of action. It is something that can be such a positive and something that I have really worked to my benefit over my life. 

Now, you may be wondering how this can be a downfall. Being organized, able to create a plan of action and get s*** done is a positive, right?

Not always.

For me, I struggle when I get a wrench thrown into things. When my rough outline of a day gets messed up due to whatever happened. And sometimes, that wrench that can really just mess with my head. Depending on what happens and how much it effects (what I have in my head as) my rough outline will depend on what my reaction level is. 

This is so hard for me to admit because I work really hard to balance so many different things in my life. To balance them perfectly so that every part of my life, and myself, gets what it needs. I’ve touched before about how hard, almost impossible, it is and how at some points things are going to go to the wayside. I didn’t take my own advice this past week to just let one thing go so I could be successful all around. 

So, what happened to make this a low point? It almost seemed like just everything was set against the week. Computer issues, Internet issues, getting caught up after a vacation, getting sick, and then the kids getting sick. I think around Wednesday, my positive attitude started really slipping and then by Thursday it was completely gone. I had pretty much given up on the week come Thursday afternoon. 

Giving up that positive attitude and that attempt to get all the things handled may have been a really hard decision (for me personally), but it is what saved my weekend. I wallowed and just sat in that misery for all of Thursday. Sometimes that is exactly what is needed in order to get to the climb to get out of the low point. And honestly, I did feel a little bit better when Friday morning came around. 

I took the weekend to just relax and just be in the moment. Since I had “given up” on the week, I took all that extra time to snuggle with the kids, obsess over the Royal Wedding (although I was going to that regardless), and just enjoy the sensation of “letting go”. To remember the advice that I’ve said time and time again about taking time to not have to do everything. 

I’ve learned some hard lessons this past week. I’ve had some lessons re affirmed, some new lessons learned, and have just had a chance to remember what I really want from my everyday.

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Real Talk: Body Image

This is a rather sensitive topic for me, given my own issues, but I really want to talk about our body image. While we were on vacation, I was sitting outside in this little pair of short shorts and a tank top that I would have normally felt a little self conscious in. As I was sitting there, honestly marveling at the fact that I was once again in a clear headspace to wear what I was wearing (and not immediately freak out), I had a moment to just think. Think about body image, body positivity, confidence, etc. 

Let’s be completely honest, no matter how confident you are, how comfortable you are within your own skin, we all have those moments. Moments where we second guess how we look. Whether what we are wearing really compliments our body, or if it highlights that one area you feel can never get back to where it was. It happens to everyone, men & women, at any age. 

In fact, I challenge anyone to be able to say that they have been confident and comfortable in their own skin all their life. If you are, that is awesome! I am not. I have not been that many a time. 

The self criticism is hard to fight and I’m not going to sit hear and say, oh love your body the way it is. The fact of the matter is, we all have those moments and that’s OK! I feel like these days, there is such a push of body positivity, loving our bodies, celebrating them. That’s all well and good, but it’s not always realistic. I don’t always love my body and I am not going to sit here and tell you that you must love your body.

It’s OK to not be happy about how your body looks, just like it’s ok to be perfectly content with how your body looks. It’s also ok to feel a bit of both.

I typically lie right in the middle of those two trains of thought. I love 75% of the way my body looks, but there are a couple of things I wish I could change. That is just how I feel. Is some of that simply just that little negative voice in my head (I’m sure you know the one I am talking about)? Yes. Am I working on changing what I can? Yes (and more importantly, I am doing it in a healthy way). So, why do I care about how I actually look in that particular outfit? Am I going to look any different in a different outfit? Maybe, but who cares. I felt so good lying in the sun, relaxing, watching our older boy run around in the grass. Why should I let thoughts of what anyone else (aside from my husband), including that negative little voice in my head, destroy that feeling?

So, what I really want anyone reading this to get, is that it’s OK to not be happy with your body and it’s ok to be body confident. What is more important to keep in mind is that no matter how you feel about your body, you can’t let that stop you from enjoying life. Wear what you want- do what you want. Have a little dress, or in my case, that pair of short shorts and wear it!

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A Week Away…These are the Moments

This past week we went on the first of our two summer vacations. This first one was a special one as we decided to take a somewhat “spontaneous” trip to see some family. I say somewhat spontaneous as this was not in our original plans for this year, but rather we decided it about a month to a month and a half out. 

We’ve got family getting ready to move out of the country for a little bit and this was going to be the last chance to really get to see them and have the entire family together. It was also a good chance to get the boys together with their cousins and for us to just get a little bit of a break. We loaded up the car and headed on our way…

However crazy this past week has been between teething, sleeping, noise, and food, it was so so SO much fun! I always love being around family and it is such a blast to watch all of the grandkids playing together. The boys had so much fun playing with their cousins and ALL of the toys. They got to not only play with new toys, but the amount of learning that happens with that is so good.

We had fun getting away from work and catching up with family. It is good to just be able to disengage from your normal. To be able to break out of that routine and just breathe easy for a little while. Not have to almost rush through your days to get everything done, everyone fed and happy. It was nice to just focus on the boys and my husband for the week. 

It is so important to be able to get this time away; not only for my husband and I, but for our children as well. They can pick up on so many tiny little emotions and while they may not understand what it means, they can understand when Mommy and Daddy are tired/stressed/have a lot going on. They also then get stuck into these little ruts and getting out of that routine, even for only a couple of days (less than the week we did this time) is good for everyone.

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To My Boys Who Made Me A Mom

To my boys who made me a mom-

I’m going to go all mushy and disorganized here for a minute-although what else is new?

Sure this day may be all about appreciating Mothers and all that they do, but I want to take a minute for the boys (and my husband) who actually made me a mother.

When we first found out I was pregnant with our first, there was a nervous excitement. This was what we had wanted. What we prayed for. What would change our lives forever. We experienced that same feeling (then followed by a whole lot of sickness) with our second.

While I may remember what life was like before kids, I can’t imagine our lives without these two. These boys are the lights of our lives. They have brought such a happiness to our family and home. Watching them grow and learn has been the greatest joy of my day to day.

I love you both so incredibly much (so much so, sometimes it hurts) and thank you for letting me be your mom. For giving me the ultimate blessing of motherhood. I will always be there and will always work hard to be the best mom I can be for you.

To my husband- I couldn’t do this without you. Aside from the obvious biological reasons, I couldn’t imagine raising these boys or living our little life we’ve made without you.

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Motherhood.

Your whole world changes. You hear the heartbeat on the Ultrasound. You feel those light little kicks in your belly. Those first few contractions and signs of labour. Hearing the cry of your child for the first time. All those months of growing, planning, preparing and suddenly there he is. That little boy that you had once dreamed of having. Tears slowly start to fall from a cocktail of hormones, relief, joy, love, exhaustion, and a little bit of pure happiness mixed in. I remember both of those moments like it was just one minute ago. I remember the moment when the boys went from being a movement in my belly to a baby on my chest. Each time my life (and my husband’s) drastically changed.

I would not change it for the world. 

Motherhood is giving your whole life, your whole being over to someone else. Each of my boys has a piece of me that I will never get back. I love that and I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world. Not on the days that my patience is put to the test. Not on the days where I feel like I’ve failed them. Not on the days where I know I could give just a little bit more. Because that is Motherhood. 

I say all of the above, and now I’m going to say that Motherhood is not just taking care of your children. No, it is taking care of everything and everyone. Motherhood is becoming selfless in almost all senses. 

{I say almost because I still 100% believe that you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others and to do that you must be selfish at some points.}

It is taking care of your children, your home, your significant other, yourself. It is learning how to balance all that life has to offer, to not only survive, but thrive in. It is learning how to fill your cup up while filling up others as well. It is finding your voice and using it. It is becoming the strongest person that you (and your spouse/children) know. It is about finding the good moments even when it seems like everything is rough. It is all these things and many more. 

For all of that, I salute any mother. Right now, I say thank you. Thank you for everything that you do. 

There is something that just clicked when I became a mother. Everything fell into place and even though I struggled (and boy did I struggle with our first), I knew, inherently, that I was doing exactly what I was meant to be doing. I was blessed with these little boys; to raise them, guide them, be there for them. It’s only the second time I have felt this overwhelming true feeling. 

It’s scary as hell, knowing that you are responsible for these little beings. That they are wholly dependent on you for a time, and at times I sure have wondered if I’m doing everything right. I’ve had plenty of moments of questioning myself, feeling like I’ve failed at one aspect or another, but in those moments I just try to remember that this is what I’ve been meant to do. 

I firmly believe that we are given no more than what we can handle. That even when life and things seem so overwhelming, that we can handle it. So, we carry on and move forward. We put our heads down and get through the rough phases because we know, that not only can we handle it, but that the other side of this phase is going to be wonderful. We try to survive and thrive in the rough phases and sit back and enjoy the smooth phases. 

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