Real Talk: Long Term Love

I know, I know…talking about love on Valentines Day- cheesy. Bare with me for a minute though 🙂 Love is a perfect real talk topic and when better to talk about it than the most highly “publicized” day devoted to love. *I will clarify that we do not actually do anything for Valentines Day in our relationship for various reasons*

Maybe you picture love as it is portrayed in most movies- all sorts of beautiful romantic grand gestures; always being completely and utterly smitten. Maybe you picture moments of intense passion – an intense disagreement ending in a passionate “embrace”. In both scenarios ultimately everything is absolutely and completely perfect, with love being completely romantic and…well…love.

While both of those visions may occur during your relationship, there will also be times of normal. Where you and your spouse are just doing life together. Riding the ups and downs together, weathering a storm or basking in a sunny glow. While you may not feel that all encompassing smitten feeling go away, there will be a point where it does subside a bit and life takes over. When that moment comes it, I’ve learned that two things are essential to keep that feeling fresh in your mind and heart:

1. Don’t compare your partner to anyone else. COMPARISON IS THE THIEF OF HAPPINESS. You did not marry that perfect man in the movies (or TV shows) and there is a reason for that. As we all know, what we see in the movies and on TV is NOT always real and not the way life always unfolds. The individual that you have chosen to spend your life with has their own qualities and perfectness to them. There is a reason that you are with them. It’s true when they say, you don’t find the perfect person, but the person who is perfect for you. I will be the first to say that my husband IS super romantic, although not in ways that people (or I) expect or realize. I love him exactly as he is (and has been) and he is perfect for me in every way. I would not want a man that “seems” perfect, because to me that is not realistic.
2. Take care of your relationship. It has been said time and again, relationships are like gardens. They need to be watered and taken care of in order to truly blossom and flourish. Sure, you may be working around conflicting crazy schedules and children and many other factors, but you’ve GOT TO take care of your relationship. There is always more that you can do to help, more that you can do to take care of your relationship. Find your “thing”, to keep coming back and connecting to your spouse. In our home, we do one night on the weekend where there are no phones, no books, no distractions. It is just us (and the kids- for at least a bit of the night). Starting off before the kids go to bed, we have an easy to make (or take out/order in) dinner, and some sort of movie (or tv show catch up) afterwards. At some point in all of this the kids go to bed and we curl up on our big couch to just take a bit of time for each other. This allows us to reconnect and take a little time for each other. We do also take a proper date night out every so often when it works out between kids and schedules as well as just getting in little snippets of time of just the two of us throughout the month. We tend to be more of the homebody couple and love to just have a relaxed evening in rather than going out. This is what works for us in our current season of life and you will need to find what will work for you and your spouse. It may also change throughout the phases of life.

When you stick to both of those things, your relationship will not only thrive, but you will have that same completely and utterly smitten feeling that you see portrayed on your screen. Not only will this feeling stay, but you and your spouse will thrive through all of the phases of life, good and bad.