A Letter To My Younger Self

I’ve been working on writing a novel, a memoir about my childhood into adolescence and the lessons that I’ve learned with that. Through writing my novel, I’ve had the chance to not only release my story and my life, but also a bit of self reflection. I look back at my younger self, a girl who was so full of love and hope and always believed in second (and third or fourth or fifth) chances. A girl who was naive at times, but always wanted to believe the best. 

It’s funny because as a reader, I’m always rooting for the protagonist (obviously). I want to see a good arc, a good development and forward progression. I don’t want to see a character who continually seems to take one step forward followed by three steps back. That makes me want to throw a book across the room. I just finished reading The Tenant of Wildfell Hall and that was my biggest complaint about the story itself (I did love it though, highly recommend)! 

Well, in my story, the protagonist is continually facing set backs. Continually trying to believe the best, despite having been proven wrong over and over again. I want to throw my own story (my own life as it were) against the wall. I want to shake that young girl and tell her to wake up. But I can’t. And honestly, I don’t really know that I actually would. 

You see, in my own life I had that naivety. I had to work through my own problems, and face a very real realization. If I hadn’t worked through that, faced being “let down” for the umpteenth time and finally snapping out of that naivety, I would still be trapped in that same spiral. I wouldn’t be in the position I am now and my life would honestly be vastly different. I’ve always seen people write posts about writing a letter to their younger self. I’ve always wondered if I did it, what would I say? 

I like to think it would go something like this:

Dear younger self,

Hold your head high. You’ll get through this. You’ll come out the other side better than ever and all will be OK. 

Sincerely,

Me

Honestly, I wouldn’t want to change anything. I wouldn’t want to say much to her or give her much of a roadmap. I am very proud of who I am today, the woman that I have become and the outset that I now have on life. I am that way because of what I went through. Because I held out that hope (and then had it crushed) for the umpteenth time, I learned that boundaries are necessary. I learned that I can determine a different relationship, or no relationship. I learned so much and while I would love to shake my younger self and point her in the right direction, I wouldn’t be half the person I am today without having gone through those issues and having those outlooks. 

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Disconnecting Myself

I’ve never been one that is constantly on Social Media and as I’ve grown in myself and older, I’ve realized that I’m not really one that likes to constantly be on the phone at all. It’s been something I’ve been noticing as I go through the different phases of enjoying the phone and Social Media and then the times when I seemingly just shut everything off/down. And actually, I really just long for the time before everyone had smart phones and Social Media was THE thing to be doing ALL THE TIME.

Lately I’ve been noticing that I have starting to be on my phone a little TOO much. Spending a little too much time paying attention to everything, being connected to everything and in this day and age, it can get to be…well a bit much. It all really came to a head a couple weeks ago when, at the end of a day, I sat back and realized I didn’t really do much. Most of my day had been spent scrolling through my phone. That may not be what my everyday is like, I had noticed that it was starting to become more and more prominent in my day.

So, I’m going to start disconnecting. Making a purposeful decision to not mindlessly scroll through Social Media or just mess around on the internet. Making a decision to put my phone down and not to just pick it back up a little bit later. To take a step back from the constant-ness of being connected all the time. To not ALWAYS be available right at the moment. 

There are things happening right now, happening in the present moment that I will never get back. I love being present with my family in every moment that I can and I’ve been realizing lately that even those times when I am multi tasking on my phone, I am missing out on these little moments. 

So, what does this mean, really? Nothing much of a change outwardly. I’ll be posting my regular amount on Social Media, but what I won’t be doing is just sitting around, mindlessly scrolling. It means that my phone will not be going everywhere with me and that I’m looking forward to that! 

I want to challenge myself to get back to where I was just a few short months ago, where I didn’t really feel the need to pull out my phone. I was not only more present, but I also had a clarity about my day. 

Between work and the bits that I do on the computer for my business and blog, I am on technology as much as it is. It’s time to disconnect. To get away from Social Media and Technology and get back into the real moments that make up life. 

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One Small Act

There used to be a commercial on TV (it may still be on- I’m not really sure) that had a whole sequence of people doing kind acts for each other. It went through and said so and so did this for so and so who then did this for so and so and on and on. It cycled through about 7 instances and after each, the person would smile and do an act of kindness for the next person who needed it. Seems like a common occurrence (or common decency) in our everyday, right?

Wrong.

I have to say, somewhere along the way of the past few years we’ve really lost our sense of kindness towards others. Our sense of compassion. 

Maybe it’s the state of the world we live in. Maybe it’s sensationalized news stories. Maybe we are all just too wrapped in ourselves, our lives, our things and our technology. I don’t know. All I know is I don’t see many of those little acts of kindness anymore. 

I’m tired of making excuses for this lack of kindness. It’s not something we do intentionally, but the rationalization that we give for poor behavior is insane. The whole “maybe they are just having a bad day” or “Well there is obviously more than meets the eye” is unacceptable. Maybe you are having a rotten day or something else is going on, but it doesn’t give an automatic get out of being kind card. 

I want to bring kindness and compassion back. I want to start seeing people pull away from their own lives and be drawn into the world. Stop and say hello to someone. Offer a seat. Come out of your own little bubble, your own life and look around you. Is someone in need of help? It could be as simple as holding a door, or offering directions. It may be more complex. Whatever it may be, that person will remember and thank you for the kindness you showed. That may have been all they needed to put a smile on their face. Or, they may not appreciate it at all. They may grumble and just move on. Honestly it shouldn’t matter what their reaction will be. In the end, you will feel better and more connected to what is going on around you.

I want to challenge you to find a couple ways to show kindness (and compassion) in your everyday. I know I will be. 

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Evening Routine – Summer 2018

Ah Summer Evenings, is there anything better? Maybe curling up in front of a roaring fire on a cool fall night, but we can’t do that just yet, so let’s just stick with Summer Evenings. In the Spring, I talked about my Morning Routine (which you can read HERE), and I thought I would give you a little insight into what my Summer Evening Routine looks like. 

My evening routines aren’t as strategically planned out as my mornings, they are more so for winding down after the day and a little prep for the next day. I do a couple of things that help me not only wind down from the day, but get ready for tomorrow. 

My work day typically ends around 4PM, but I usually don’t stop working until closer to 5PM. That last hour is usually devoted to my business and blog and a couple of other projects (depending on what the day is). The boys wake up from naps around 4:45PM and typically take a little water and a small snack. I’ll “shut down” for the evening at 5PM and focus on family from that time moving forward. 

I start dinner prep around 5:30pm depending on what I make. We always eat dinner at 6:30PM and I always try to make some sort of a home cooked meal. The boys will be offered what we have, but sometimes I’ll also throw a little mac & cheese on their plates so that they do have some food. 

After dinner I take a couple of minutes to look at my to do list from the day and look at what I need to do for the next day. This usually only takes about 5-10 minutes. Then, I’ll spend some time with family in our living room, either playing or watching a show together. It’s always very relaxed and just hanging out. We don’t do much unless we need to. The boys don’t go to bed until 9PM, so we usually have a good amount of time. We used to take walks every now and then, but we don’t really anymore. I’d like to start doing that again, maybe when it cools down a little. 

We start prepping the boys for bedtime around 8:30PM, if it is bath night my husband will give them baths while I help out with the kitchen cleanup from dinner. Kitchen clean up goes in between me and my  husband. Some nights I do it, some nights he does it. Either way, I will not go to bed with a messy kitchen. If I do, it sets my next morning off badly. We also clean up our living room at this time. We try to involve the boys as much as possible with clean up and have them help out. 

Once bath time and clean up have been done, I will head into our bedroom to handle my nighttime things. I will clean the makeup off my face, wash my face, change into my pajamas. I also pick out my outfit for the next day. This takes one less thing off my mind for the next morning.

As soon as I am done with this it is time for the boys to go to bed. I handle Andrew, hubs handles Colton. On weeknights we head to bed after they go to bed. I’ll sit in bed and read my book for about an hour and a half. I try to be laying down to sleep by 10:30PM. This gives me anywhere from 7-8 hours of sleep at night. Weekends we will typically watch a movie or catch up on some TV in our living room before heading to bed.

That is how my evenings go! A lot more relaxed and much more go with the flow than my morning routine. Do you have some sort of a routine for your evenings?

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A Peak Into My Past

I have never shared this story publicly. I have never talked about this part of my past with anyone, outside of a couple of close friends and family. All of my healing has been done privately, in and out of therapy. Figuring out what works for me and how I would even begin to piece my life back together after the rug was pulled out from under me almost 16 years ago. I’ve finally reached a peaceful place in my life, partly due to finding love in someone else, partly finding the ability to love myself. The biggest part of my peace being the forgiveness I have given. 

Finding the peace within myself has allowed me to reach a point where I want to talk with and help others. When I first entered therapy I had sworn that once I had made my own peace, I would help others in any way that I could. I thought it would be something that I could do within a little bit of time and then I could get to helping others and speaking about this trauma that simply isn’t spoken about. Here I am 12 years later, only just now feeling like I can share this story. Only just now feeling that peace, that urge to share, and finally being comfortable enough to share. Finally at the point where I really feel like I can help others. Help them find their healing, help them see the light at the end of the tunnel. To be that person that I needed.

I’ll get into more of that at another time, but I want to give you my story. I want to publicly share the part of my past that I’ve never shared before. You may have read this already, if you read the linked article in Friday’s post, but I wanted to address it here. Directly on my blog. So, here we go…IMG_4702

I was emotionally abused for 10+ Years and physically abused everyday for 7 of those years (everyday for 5, off and on for 2) by a parent. The person who was supposed to be my guide, my champion, supposed to be everything, was instead my tormentor. I went through my childhood with the expectation of perfection placed on me (and criticized, put down, insulted if not) and my adolescent years with an unthinkable amount of fear. Child abuse is not just being scared, it is a traumatic event that changes everything. Everything about you, everything about your life, and everything about everyone you come into contact with. 

Before I even had the opportunity to have a voice, it was taken away from me. Before I could even understand what was truly right and wrong, what I wanted to be or do, what true happiness could be, I knew what fear was. Not just being scared of something, but true fear. True terror. In some ways I can’t put to words what I was feeling, but in other ways it is crystal clear. 

As I said to start this post, I have reached a good space. A space where I can handle the tough moments, when all of those emotions, fears, and moments come back. I feel like I am at that light at the end of the tunnel, when you know that the tunnel is coming to an end, but there is still a bit of darkness. It has been a long and tough road to get here, and it is a road that will continue for the rest of my life. I have also recognized that having gone through this, having worked through it, and having come out on the other side, I am a better person for that. I am a better wife, mom, a better person all together. 

I want to end this by saying that I will be starting to talk more about trauma, child abuse, and dealing with both of these factors a little more frequently on my blog. There will still be plenty of my usual happy go lucky content (as I am that happy go lucky, keep all things cosy, find the silver lining kinda girl), but I want to start sharing more of my story. I find that Childhood Trauma and Abuse is a topic that doesn’t seem to get enough attention (unless it is a major event) and it is something that is more common than we think. 

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Friday Morning Cups

IMG_6413This morning is kind of a special morning. I am sharing something that I have NEVER spoken about “publicly”. I’ve told a small amount of family, a couple of close friends and that is about it. I’ve never spoken about this publicly as I’ve never felt like I was in a good place to really talk about it. I think once you read the linked blog post, you will understand. I will talk more about this in a future blog post, but since this has been published, I want to share with you.

The truth is…it has taken me 10 years to get to this point. To get to a point that I was truly ready to talk about this, to share my story, to help others. 10 years to feel like I have finally reached a point in my healing and recovery that I can actually help others go through it, get through it, and come out the other side. I will be slowly starting to introduce this topic into this blog and my own social media.

Click HERE to read the post.

Thank you for reading.

Mia

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Day Trip : Colonial Williamsburg

On Saturday we took a day trip down to Colonial Williamsburg. This step back into history has been a “must do” on my list since we moved here and we just finally got around to doing it. It’s about a 2 1/2 hour drive from us and is the perfect distance for spending a day. 

The whole draw in for Colonial Williamsburg is that it is supposed to feel like you are stepping back into time, back to when the colonies were breaking free from English rule, and it is supposed to reflect what every day life was like for the colonists. It features character actors, both as guides and just portraying different folks that would live in town. There were stations where visitors could get involved, such as making brick and clothes, but also areas where you could just observe. 

Our day started at the Governors Palace, which is the main home and office for the Royal Governor. This was in use prior to the collapse of Royal Authority in Virginia, as the colonies broke away from England. We toured the main hall and two sitting rooms downstairs, as well as a bed & dressing room upstairs (not pictured). A tour guide, dressed in time period clothing (as was everyone) talked us through the last family that lived in the home as well as what a visitor to the home could expect. 

Our next stop was walking through the different Palace Grounds, with a beautiful little hideaway and a maze, and along the Palace Green, which had homes, kitchens, and a church.

While we were walking through the palace green, we got to watch the carriage and ox wagon rides go through the palace green, and then the rest of the town. Such a neat and fun experience to add to the idea of stepping back into history!

Once you finish with the “main” Palace walk, you come upon the little town itself. The main portion of town is divided up on one “main” street, Duke of Gloucester Street, and a side street, Nicholson Street. One Duke of Gloucester there were shops, taverns, and the Market Square. The shops and taverns all had character actors both outside to guide you in, and inside to walk you through whatever you were seeing, or to help you purchase any gifts you were interested in. 

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We stopped at the Market Square to see the “market” they were holding that day, to take a look at the Public Armory and to see how they would signal to everyone for lunchtime. Spoiler: the lunch time signal was a canon, which concerned both boys immensely. We also ended the day in the same area to see a demonstration of combat tactics of the time (hubs is a military history buff). 

We stopped for a quick lunch, watched the Fife and Drum March, and headed over to the children’s play spot. They offer a spot just for children that has a variety of toys from colonial times as well as a maze for the children to work through. Colton had quite a lot of fun navigating the maze and riding a toy horse, while Andrew took a quick snooze. It was a nice spot to take a little break from everything, let the kids just run free, but still maintain all the history. 

The last major “must see” stop for Colonial Williamsburg is at The Capitol, at the end of Duke of Gloucester Street. It has quite the tale to tell, and our guide very enthusiastically shared its history. Williamsburg was a capital at one point in time, and the capital building itself was built, burned, built, burned, left to disrepair, only to be built again later on. There is only one item that is original to the Capital, and that is the single chair where the leader would sit. The capital was rebuilt as it would have originally been seen and it was interesting to hear the history of Virginia breaking away from England. This stop also included a look at the courthouse, where royal crimes would have been heard. 

Overall, we really enjoyed our time in Colonial Williamsburg! They do a wonderful job with re creating a time in history that is so interesting (and full of strife), while still giving us modern day amenities. It sits right near William and Mary University and there is a full town just right outside the gates, but once you step onto the brick sidewalk and the bit of cobblestone street you feel transported. It was a wonderful day!

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Halfway Through 2018!

Good afternoon! It’s been a while since I just sat down and chatted/talked life updates with you! I figured now would be a good time since we are halfway through the year, coming off an extra serious month of blog posts last month, and a good time to take a minute, pour a cup of tea and just let everything out. 

It’s been a crazy time in our home. From dealing with both boys going through hard phases, husbands schedule picking up a little bit, work heading back into busy, I’m over here just trying to be the glue holding all of the pieces together. Being the glue has kind of always been up my alley, but this has become a whole new level. This weekend being the perfect example of what I mean. 

Husband had the first major paper of his class due, I had the start of the month planning, and the boys were both going through some crazy phase that involved a lot of whining and very little sleep. With all of that, my plans went out the window and I played the do whatever it takes to get through the weekend without losing my mind game. Mostly my weekend consisted of running from one situation to the other, keeping us all “in the game” of getting stuff done, and trying not to let the house get too destroyed. Some weekends are harder than others.

When being the glue takes up all of my time, it can be difficult to feel that “weekend relaxation vibe”, so I took the little bits of time I could to take a little breather. I did get to get a couple hours to myself to go window shopping and walking while the boys napped (and hubs stayed home with them) as well as a bit of yoga in one morning. I tried to make that morning Yoga flow a little bit longer and more focused than normal to try and kick any residual “keep it together blues”.  

In the midst of everything going on, we did manage to catch a couple of family moments, as well as look at what the next couple months will be like. I am a future planner and with it being a new quarter, I want to see how we stand for the next couple of months. 

It’s hard to believe that we are already halfway through 2018! I feel like I’ve had such a good start to this year and for once, all of my intentions are still going strong 6 months in. I haven’t faltered on any goal I’ve set yet, and have even set a couple new goals to help keep the year going. We’ve got an action packed rest of the year, and I can’t wait to talk about it and share it! 

I’ve got some fun posts coming up for this month to try and lighten things up from all of the serious life talk that’s been going on and I’ve got a really good feeling about July. Minus the heat (which right now at least is a killer), it is full of possibilities!

***There will not be a blog post up on Wednesday due to the Independence Day Holiday. I’m taking the full day to just be with family and friends and celebrate. Enjoy!

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A Ramble on: Confidence

Ever see those people who seemingly just don’t care what people think? Who go about life so self assured and comfortable with who they are? Wonder what they were doing to get to that point?

They weren’t always that way. 

Confidence is something that is gained as you grow into yourself. And as you face new experiences, new life moments, new risks you grow more confident in yourself. And better yet, those people that you think are just so self confident, still have moments of insecurity. You can also be confident in some areas of your life, and not so confident in other areas. You can be solid in yourself, but maybe a new change has happened to cause that confidence to waver.

Sometimes it just takes some time to get to (or get back to) that moment of “I know who I am, I know what I believe, and who cares what others think of me”. Because with confidence comes a freeing moment of not caring. Of letting go of what others think of you. Of saying, who gives a damn.

For me, I started to feel really good about myself just after High School (aka just as I fully hit my stride in recovery). I thought I knew what I wanted in life, how I was going to achieve what I wanted, and who I was. I met my husband, and things really started to click in place even more. Then we had our first boy. While something in me clicked when I became a mother, my confidence in myself was still a little shaken. My confidence in my ability to do everything that I wanted to do. To be a good wife, a good mom, a good person. To manage all the things. 

Then, I hit my stride again and became confident as a new mom. I got everything down and my confidence was on the upswing and we had our second boy. Instead of my confidence wavering, I knew. I believe in myself. I was confident in myself, my choices, in every aspect relating to being myself. 

Something to remember: Even when you have that self confidence, when you have that process of letting go what people think of you, there are still moments. Moments where you question yourself. Moments where you wonder, what do people think about you. 

But trust in the process. Trust in yourself. Trust in the fact that when you get through whatever has caused that wavering, that that will just be one more thing to have overcome. You’ll come out the other end more confident and having learned something new about yourself. 

I’m glad that I can say that I am finally, 100%, at that point. I have found my voice. I have found the confidence in myself, in what I believe, in what I am doing that I can say that there is not much that can tear me down. That took a lot of work to get to and you better believe I am not letting go of that any time soon. Do I still have moments of weakness, of caring what people think of me? Kind of. It’s hard for me to say that I will never question myself, but I have reached a point in my life where there are just so many other things to do and think about.

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A Ramble On: Growth and Change

I’ve grown a lot in the past 5-10 years. Grown into myself, grown into my voice, grown into my niche spot of where I want to be. My confidence has soared and I’ve learned countless lessons. I am not the same person I was and I wouldn’t change that person OR this person. I had to be that person, go through life & changes to become the person that I am today. Some of those changes were hard. I stumbled a time or two, but here I am, all the better for it. 

Who I am today will not be the same person who I am in another 5-10 years. We are always changing as we go through life. As we keep learning and keep facing new challenges. That change is a good thing. I welcome the new opinions, the new goals and desires, the new conversations that I am experiencing. While the core of who I am has stayed mostly the same, my opinions, my outlook, my desires in life, and the way I see people and the world has changed. In fact, I am only just now finding my real voice and figuring out how I want to use it. 

As I continue to grow as a person, I don’t want to stay “stuck” in my same ways or mindset. I want to learn from every new experience and situation. I want to seek out new opinions, one’s that may be different from my own and have new experiences across the board. I may know who I am, but that doesn’t mean that there won’t be changes throughout my life. 

I don’t want to remain stagnant. 

I encourage you to do the same. You are always growing and changing; Experiencing life, turning into someone new. You are turning into the person that you are meant to be. Welcome that change and those new experiences. Seek them out. Get out. Out of yourself, out of your comfort zone. Have a new experience, talk to someone who had a different life than your own, who has different opinions than your own. Try to understand and see things through their lenses. 

Keep an open heart and an open mind. Don’t be stagnant. Grow. Learn. Change. Love every minute of it, even when it’s hard. 

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